Would you be creeped out? Nbr

belmont1785

Ok I am not going to explain the situation in great detail or we would be here all day but long story short: my husband was a bachelor for his whole life before we met. Hubby is a very handy guy and one of his buddies is a realtor and flips houses. So hubby would spend lots of his free time before he met me helping this guy (drywall, plumbing,electrical,etc ). There was never any business agreement to it and hubby would spend many hours a week helping just because he is that nice and he enjoyed the company. He never got paid for any of it. Then hubby met me and we started spending that time together. He basically wasn't helping him much anymore because we were getting to know each other etc. his friend got extremely jealous and tried to convince him to break up with me. Hubby basically told him that wasn't going to happen and he would just have to learn to like me. A little over a year ago was the last time they talked. There was a huge blow up where his buddy wanted help fixing a car of his and long story short hubby told him he didn't want to help him anymore. This ex-friend drives by our home frequently. And it has started to creep me out. We can tell it is him by the vehicle, and he will drive slowly past our front picture window and if we see him will speed away. I don't really think there is anything we can do at this point...we have not talked to him in a year...but it is just creepy to me. He lives close but definitely wouldn't need to be just driving by that frequently. What do you think ?

Maelara

I'd get pictures of the license plate (to prove it's him) and then go to the cops. He's stalking you guys and you need documentation. Hopefully a restraining order is all you need to set his ass straight

belmont1785

There is much more to the story and he probably does somewhat miss the friendship. But he is a huge cheapskate. And I know he misses the free labor worse. My husband tried several times to hang out with him before calling it quits and it would always turn into helping him with projects. Plus he would call my husband and say things like, "we are having a bonfire and grilling steaks but don't come unless you are coming alone. " He HATES me. He has also treated some of their other mutual friends in a similar way. He doesn't believe in settling down either. He dates SEVERAL women at once always swearing his friends to secrecy that they not tell girl A that he was with girl B earlier. He's got a strange view of women ...kind of a use them and leave them theory. He doesn't comprehend why my husband would still want to be with me.

belmont1785

Also this guy is a locksmith by trade and we asked him to change our locks for us when we bought our house. And after the days, hours, weeks, and months of work my hubby did for this guy he took WEEKS to come help us. So that really ticked off my hubby since he had done so much work for him. I don't think he really realized how badly he was being used for free labor until then. My hubby is like one of the biggest teddy bears you'd ever meet. The type of guy that would stop to help you change your flat on the interstate and then probably follow you to the station to make sure you were safe.

wallygirl

I agree with PP. Document dates and times you see him drive by. Get pics proving it is him. I don't know much about laws regarding stalking and getting a restraining order but it is definitely worth a trip to the police station. Especially since he has shown so much disregard for you and since you have a LO on the way. Much better to be cautious and safe!

belmont1785

OK we will try that. I don't know how we will get a good pic because he always drives by at night. I work with law enforcement a lot in my job so I'll ask one of my acquaintances what out options are.

But we plan to move next year (hopefully) so up until now I've just kind of been holding out for that.

howin23

Do you have a security system? I'd certainly be worried that he's a locksmith and can get into your place, and might even have kept a key. I'd at least get dead bolts that you can only lock from the inside (i.e., no keyhole).

He's probably just angry and trying to scare you. I'd bet he wants you to see him. If it's just to try to bug you, then a simple notice from the police will put an end to his game. If he continues to do it after you go to the police, then I'd go further and get a restraining order. It can't hurt to be careful.

Dumbgurl04

Sounds like this guy has some problems.  The fact that he has treated other friends the same way after they started to settle down kind of throws a red flag in the air.  Maybe he thought him and all his friends would be single bros for life.  Agree with all the PP document his car and plates and the times he drives by.  Also I would see if any of these other friends have the same issue.  Frankly it seems like this guy could eventually snap and would I hate to see you or your family in his pathway if that ever does happen.

ssstephanie214

Yes, creepy, stalker. You don't have to wait to collect "proof" before you can start a report. In fact the more times you formally document the better case you end up having. Of course, taking photos will be extremely helpful.

scarlet3egonias

belmont1785 said:

Also this guy is a locksmith by trade and we asked him to change our locks for us when we bought our house. And after the days, hours, weeks, and months of work my hubby did for this guy he took WEEKS to come help us. So that really ticked off my hubby since he had done so much work for him. I don't think he really realized how badly he was being used for free labor until then. My hubby is like one of the biggest teddy bears you'd ever meet. The type of guy that would stop to help you change your flat on the interstate and then probably follow you to the station to make sure you were safe.

Well, I was going to say it was creepy before, but now he has access to your house too?  Yeah, I'd nip that in the bud quick.  Even if someone I was friendly with and still liked was creeping by my house staring I'd be skeeved out.  He may just miss the help or be bored but it's still weird behavior to me.

Celticlass6

kyliedaniellexx said:

The fact that he changed your locks and potentially has a key to your house freaks me out. 

I'd be at home depot getting new locks, as well as a deadbolt STAT.

highbornhunter

chelseavranich said:

Lurker from D14. You should make a trip to Home Depot/Lowe's and get new locks. That freaks me the hell out and it doesn't have anything to do with me. Maybe the ones that you can change periodically made by Kwikset (?).

*waves at the lurker*  

I would be very creeped out!  PP have said it all, I hope you get some assistance/reassurance from your local law enforcement so you can not stress about in last few weeks/months of your pregnancy.  

kikimeemee

This former friend doesn't sound well in the head. Sad. Smart to keep away and notify police if things get creepier.

My husband's friend's wife has an extreme hatred of me and lost her marbles and started screaming at me in public abt what a horrible person I am. (She is mad I took my husband away from her husband - which I have not, by the way.). Her hatred of me has no base; she's not mentally well in my opinion. If she showed up at my door I'd call the police bc that look of absolute hatred in her eyes will never be forgotten. I wish her well from afar.

Go with your gut!!

fyreandblood

Change your locks, number one. Security system, two. Three, porch light so pics are easier to take. Try to sneakily get pics of him as he drives by so he doesn't know you're doing it (he could cause more trouble if he finds out, etc). Use the video function on your phone and record him. Keep any creepy voicemails or texts. Document when he calls. If needed, collect your hubby's friends as witnesses and if they can be quiet about it, tell them to keep records of contact as well.

The trouble with stalking is it is nearly impossible to convict. You need extremely detailed evidence. He IS stalking your family. However, sometimes law enforcement can't get involved until he breaks in. I've dealt with this crap with my ex and i hope it's different in your state. Stalking laws need to change asap.

This asshole has a horrible view of women, is possessive as hell of your husband. I am terrified for you and your baby. Get your husband in on this. He sounds like a super sweet guy and it's horrible that this asshole used him so much.

Do some research on what can be done in your state as well. i'll be thinking of you and your family. Please stay safe.

Disneygeek77

He was never a friend and was taking advantage of your husband kindness.  

Cut off all contact and do whatever you can to protect yourself and your family.