AW Regrouping, new plan (warning child mentioned)

emmuffy

So, my IVF cycle was a big failure, worse than I ever expected. 8R, 5M, 3F, 1 morula by the end, BFN. I was on a very aggressive drug protocol, and my response was disappointing. Moreover, the eggs I made didn't do all that great - not a single blastocyst, let alone anything to freeze.  

I had my WTF appointment with the RE this morning to discuss and make a new plan. The RE says I likely have an egg quality problem and that this is probably the explanation for my "unexplained infertility." Her best guess was that I have, at best, a 5% chance on future IUI cycles, but that I might have better odds with IVF. If I go ahead with another round of IVF, I could have another similar IVF cycle, or it could be better or worse. If I can make a blastocyst, my chances might be around 30%. With a morula only, they'd be more like 15%. I had been thinking about returning to IUI cycles, perhaps with injectables, but the RE discouraged me from thinking about injectables, saying they wouldn't appreciably increase my odds in an IUI cycle (which I confess I have a hard time understanding). She encouraged me to get a second opinion, presumably because my prognosis is pretty bleak. I'm likely going to go ahead and get a second opinion.

I'm in a somewhat different situation than many of you because my spouse is a woman (we've used donor sperm). She gave birth to our first child. We always planned that we would each carry one, and she went first because she is older - although, as it turned out, she had no fertility issues, while I seem to have severe problems. At the moment, we've decided to return to trying with her, so that at the very least, our daughter can hopefully have a sibling. This will also give me a much needed break from getting poked and prodded while I figure out what I want to do. Frankly, I don't know what I want to do. I have coverage for IUI cycles (but not meds), and no coverage whatsoever for IVF (totally OOP). I don't have much interest in putting my spouse through IVF so I can carry with her eggs, as this would be very expensive and I wouldn't feel satisfied that it would give me the full experience/ closure I had been hoping for. I hope you'll all join me in wishing my spouse luck TTC as we try to move forward. If anyone has any thoughts on what I should do next, they'd be very welcome. I haven't quite "given up" but I don't know yet how exactly I want to try, and for how much longer.

BunnyBerry

I'm so sorry for the frustrating results of IUI. I suppose if you have 15-30% chance of success with IVF, it makes sense that IUI even with injects is not going to be worth the try. I hope your second opinion doctor has some good news, though.

It sounds really hard to have to grieve the hope of a biological child, as well as the hope to carry a pregnancy. I hope you still get those chances. Even if there is a willing surrogate, we all know that doesn't remove the pain of losing the chance for a bio child. I hope you find peace in this difficult process.

lebradford

I'm so sorry, @emmuffy. 

I guess if it was me I would seriously consider asking my spouse to do IVF so I could carry a pregnancy. However, I think that especially when it gets to this point, what will be most fulfilling for one person varies a lot from what would be most fulfilling to the next. To me, the most important part is carrying the pregnancy. To someone else, it could be totally different, so in that case my advice would be pretty meaningless, you know? 

Whatever you decide to do, I think a second opinion is definitely a good idea just so you feel like you turned over all the rocks and you don't have regrets later about what if you had looked into something else.

So many hugs to you, and best of luck to you and your spouse no matter what road you take!

dominicandreamer

Unfortunately I don't have any suggestions but I wanted to wish you both luck with this new plan.  Hopefully it brings you both what you want.  :::hugs:::

emmuffy

Thanks everyone. I've now got a referral underway to another clinic for a second opinion. I'm open to trying IVF again with a different protocol at some point in the future, but for now I need a real break

Hollowvic

Sorry, I don't have much advice as my situation is very different. I'm Sorry your IVF cycle didn't go so well. I will add that after getting a second opinion I am much more confident in going ahead with the IVF process. I know how hard it is to have to decide whether or not to do IVF, I'm on BC now and I am having a very hard time emotionally. I know IVF is hard but I feel it gives you the best chances, maybe you just need another protocol and a second opinion is always a good idea even if it's just for peace of mind. Wanted to wish you good luck with whatever you decide, here for ya.

DSculley1824

I am so sorry! I have no advice but wanted to send lots of hugs your way!

dancerspose

I have no advice either, but I wanted to chime in with support for you and your wife!

tumbleweed123

I'm so sorry you are in that situation.  I wanted to offer support, and say that I think it is great that you are getting a second opinion.   I really like my new RE and his approach was totally different from my first doctor.  FX for you.  

jessimi06

I have no advice, but I wanted to send lots of support to you and your wife!

jenmcD11

So sorry about your disappointing news. I hope the break gives you some peace and clarity for you your family. If it were me, I would ask my spouse to donate eggs for IVF or use donor eggs, because like @lebradford , my dream is to carry a child whether biologically or not, but everyone is different.

Good luck going forward.