Not feeling sad enough?

FigureSkater8

Sometimes I feel like I'm not grieving enough.  I was in tears for 2 days after we found out about the miscarriage.  After my D&C Monday I've felt pretty normal again.  Only at night when I'm alone and think about it I get teary, but otherwise I'm feeling OK and not crying in the day.  I feel guilty like maybe I should be more sad.  I feel like maybe I'm not loving my poor baby enough if I'm not sad enough?  Does anyone else ever feel this way?  Maybe it will hit me more later in the weeks to come? 

alexkylee

I'm right there with you. I was a wreck from the time I started spotting up until the D&C 6 days later. But I haven't cried once since I left the hospital. I feel guilty as well, but I know I grieved in my own way. I'm relieved that I'm done spotting and that I don't have to be reminded of it every time I go to the bathroom.

flyoffeve

There is no set limit. I had my first mc 8 years ago and that one still hits me in waves. I have heard that this is something that women think about at times into old age. Do not worry about grieving too much or too little. Don't fret if it comes back in a week or a month or a year. Don't beat yourself up for being happy or having your mind busy with other things.

This past week I have also felt the same way. I have hours throughout the day that I do not even think about it. I get so angry at times like seeing a teenager pregnant at the high school where I teach. I also get sad. Just sharing my thoughts. Thanks for sharing yours.

fancefpp

I agree that it comes in waves. I'm 8 weeks out from my D&C and some days I think about it a lot and other days it's like it never happened. Don't feel guilty for how you feel, either way. We all deal with it in our own way.

katie0919

I feel the same way! Last Tuesday when I found out things weren't going well, I was a DISASTER for the rest of the day. I pulled myself together Wednesday and went to work because I really have no time off. Then Thursday we went back for one final sonogram and I felt oddly better when she said to stop taking the progesterone and see if your body naturally miscarries. When I started bleeding on Monday, then had to go in Wednesday for my rhogam shot, I was again a MESS. 

Since then, I find myself being the most sad in the morning on my drive to work. I feel like it will come in waves, but the thing I am *most* concerned with is wondering if this will ever happen (having a healthy pregnancy/baby). That is what makes me so sad and scares me. Bleh, I feel like I'm going through a period on steroids right now. Roller coaster of emotions, the worst cramps I have EVER experienced and just.....BLEH feeling. Hang in there!! 

4N6s

I was a wreck for a week. I'm feeling a lot better emotionally now.
We have to move on at some point, right?

KristinNP

There's no limit.  When I found out this time I had lost the baby again, I was very upset and sad for the first day or two, and then I moved on to being super angry.  I now otherwise feel pretty normal and my D&C is tomorrow.  I guess as much as I am very sad that this pregnancy is again not going to work out I'm more focused on getting the testing and things set up to ensure this doesn't happen a 5th time.  

ctk181

I agree with what many others have already said. The grief comes and goes. The day I found out and for about a week after I was a mess and could not stop crying. Then there were a couple weeks where I felt okay, and like you, I started to feel kind of guilty like I wasn't sad enough over the loss of my little baby. Then at the 1 month mark I had a week straight of really bad days where I just would start crying thinking about what I lost and whether I would ever be a mom. Now I'm kind of back to okay. So it definitely ebbs and flows and I doubt the sadness ever really goes away completely. Whatever you feel, don't feel guilty. Everyone copes differently.

shaina925

My friend gave me the best advice, she said no one can tell you how to feel!  You can feel however you want... seriously. 

shadowandme

Grief is different for everyone so don't give yourself a hard time because you aren't feeling sad right now. You may feel sad again later on or you may not but know whatever you are feeling is completely ok.