Help! I'm being forced to socialize!

meeshybee

So Dh's coworkers have decided that, despite DH's protests, they are going to have a "get together" for us next weekend. DH said it was pretty obviously not-a-baby-shower. I appreciate the gesture, but I didn't really want a shower for this baby because, as our 4th child and 3rd girl, I thought it would seem greedy. Dh has tried every way imaginable to tell them we really don't want this without being rude, but they refuse to listen.

Dh and I don't have social lives. We don't go to parties outside of family events and just generally avoid things where we'll have interact with people for extended periods of time. The thought of this party is already stressing me out. I have probably met all of DH's coworkers, but only momentarily while visiting DH at work so it's not like I will know most of their names. The thought of being trapped with so many strangers for an indeterminate amount of time is nerve wracking. What do I even say to these people? DH has yet to find out if we can bring the kids or need a sitter. I'm praying we can bring the kids so we can use DS's ASD as an excuse to leave if it's too overwhelming for me.

And the whole etiquette thing. I'm really bad at it. Should I send thank you cards to anyone who brings a gift (because they will)? Since I don't have their addresses is it okay to have DH give it to them at work? Should I do something for the hostesses? I'm totally clueless. HALP!

missnacholover

I think bringing something for the hostess would be a nice gesture.  And FWIW, at my old job we had a bridal shower for my coworker and his fiance and she wrote TYs and he left them on our desks.  I thought it was nice!

absolutelymaybe

Ugh. Sorry you are having to deal with this. I don't think you look gift grabby or whatever since it seems like they are the ones insisting on doing the "get together" thing. Since these are your DH's coworkers, I would stick close to him and let him do most of the socializing.

As for thank yous, it is perfectly acceptable to write thank yous and have DH hand deliver them. That's what I did for the coworkers who came to our co-ed shower. 

howin23

I agree that you should do something for the hostess, and write thank you notes for any gifts. Flowers or a bottle of wine are a nice and easy hostess gift.

Talk with your husband in advance so if someone gives you a gift without a card or tag he'll remember who gave it to you (since you won't know names).

Try not to stress about the social aspect. If they're having the get together, it's because they all want to support you and your husband, so the onus is on them to think of things to talk to you about. In case you need them, some (generally) safe topics:
-fall weather, apple picking, pumpkin picking, Halloween
-fun things they did this summer, or summer vacations they or you took
-tv shows and new movies

MindyAndRyan

I am very anti-social. I have social anxiety, which makes me oh-so-awkward. I am horrible at small talk. I hate the generic topics that you are supposed to talk about with people you don't know well.

That said, pregnancy has been like a social blessing for me. Especially if this is a gathering for your pregnancy. It is probably going to be all you have to talk about. How has your pregnancy been, what do your kids think, are you excited, baby names, do you know what you're having, are you ready, etc.

And the BEST thing? You start to feel overwhelmed or awkward or just don't feel like talking anymore - well, you're pregnant, so naturally you have to pee ALL THE TIME. Just excuse yourself to the bathroom. And when you're sick of being there and you want to leave? You're pregnant! Your feet are swollen, your back hurts, you're tired, you have kids at home, time to go!

edit: fingers move faster than brain

mommymeg143

Do you like baking?? If so, bake cupcakes and send them to your DH's work with thank you notes. That way you cover everyone.

I did this after my work shower and everyone really appreciated it. I also enjoyed the few cupcakes I left at home "by accident."

absolutelymaybe

MindyAndRyan said:

I am very anti-social. I have social anxiety, which makes me oh-so-awkward. I am horrible at small talk. I hate the generic topics that you are supposed to talk about with people you don't know well.

That said, pregnancy has been like a social blessing for me. Especially if this is a gathering for your pregnancy. It is probably going to be all you have to talk about. How has your pregnancy been, what do your kids think, are you excited, baby names, do you know what you're having, are you ready, etc.

And the BEST thing? You start to feel overwhelmed or awkward or just don't feel like talking anymore - well, you're pregnant, so naturally you have to pee ALL THE TIME. Just excuse yourself to the bathroom. And when you're sick of being there and you want to leave? You're pregnant! Your feet are swollen, your back hurts, you're tired, you have kids at home, time to go!

edit: fingers move faster than brain

ALL OF THIS! HARD! 

meeshybee

quote box hates me 

mommymeg143 said:

Do you like baking?? If so, bake cupcakes and send them to your DH's work with thank you notes. That way you cover everyone. I did this after my work shower and everyone really appreciated it. I also enjoyed the few cupcakes I left at home "by accident."

I am terrible at things like that, but I like the idea. Maybe some donuts would do the trick. Everyone down here is in love with Krispy Kreme (blech!) so that would probably be a hit.

I'll have to google some good hostess gifts. We don't drink so I would have no idea what kind of wine to get.