T&p's for a friend..

cshade07

I have a friend who is due with her baby boy Christmas Day. She was admitted to the hospital 2 weeks ago because the baby was measuring 3 weeks behind and they discovered low amniotic fluid. The doctors were able to help with the amniotic fluid and put her on a strict diet. She was released from the hospital and placed on bed rest while being closely monitored. At today's check up they have received devastating news. (Photo attached).. My heart is totally broken for her and her family. She just suffered the loss of her father in a terrible hunting accident. I'm Really praying for a miracle for baby Sam! I hope everyone can say a little prayer for him.

Do any of you have good advice of things I could say/do for
them at this point? I'm at a loss & not sure what to do... I don't want to disappear on her & not be there for her, but I'm also afraid being around her will just upset her knowing I'm due in a few short weeks.. Ahh I'm torn! Help!

Thanks for reading!

golfingdarwinfish

It's really, really difficult because you are delivering in a few weeks - please don't be offended if you find that she withdraws from you when your LO arrives, and perhaps until the new year when she is past her EDD.  With my devastating news it was extremely difficult to be around babies, and even when I thought I was improving my EDD brought it all back to a head until I decided it was time to try again 3 weeks after my previous EDD, which was also Christmas.  

My heart breaks for your friend.  I would reach out to her every so often and just let her know that you are thinking about her - but I would make it about her, and not proactively offer details of your pregnancy/birth/baby just yet.  It sounds like she wants time and space to herself, but let her know that the moment she's ready to talk you will be there for her.

Then again, everyone grieves differently, and she may find that once she emerges from this time of silence that she wants to be surrounded by people that she cares about.  I think that just letting her know that you're there whenever she is ready would be most helpful as she works through this devastating news. 

cshade07

golfingdarwinfish said:

It's really, really difficult because you are delivering in a few weeks - please don't be offended if you find that she withdraws from you when your LO arrives, and perhaps until the new year when she is past her EDD.  With my devastating news it was extremely difficult to be around babies, and even when I thought I was improving my EDD brought it all back to a head until I decided it was time to try again 3 weeks after my previous EDD, which was also Christmas.  

My heart breaks for your friend.  I would reach out to her every so often and just let her know that you are thinking about her - but I would make it about her, and not proactively offer details of your pregnancy/birth/baby just yet.  It sounds like she wants time and space to herself, but let her know that the moment she's ready to talk you will be there for her.

Then again, everyone grieves differently, and she may find that once she emerges from this time of silence that she wants to be surrounded by people that she cares about.  I think that just letting her know that you're there whenever she is ready would be most helpful as she works through this devastating news. 

Thanks @golfingdarwinfish‌ - I had no idea, I'm so sorry! But thank you for sharing your own personal experience & feelings.. It is a big help to hear this from someone who has experienced something similar & the advice is very helpful!

persephonerose

I am so sorry for what your friend must be experiencing. It is heartbreaking.

A friend of mine had a late term loss and I still wanted to be supportive but knew that physically being around her with my young son would be painful. Instead I did random treats from afar.  I sent her favorite flowers one week, then had amazon send her favorite candy the next, etc.  While we did not talk for several months I tried to remember her once a month with something small. She contacted me about 6 months afterwards and told me she really appreciated how I remembered her during that time even though we were apart.

lrobi13

No advice but I will be thinking of her. That is terrible news.