Anyone failing miserably at sleep training?!

ShePersisted

Howdy! I've started work last few weeks and it has been insane. Of course I am not the first one here to experience that. However, things are even harder as LO is just not cooperating at night.

We have been trying the whole sleep training thing which as you know will require you to check in on LO periodically. We have tried Ferber, we have tried gradual separation, we've even managed to cut a feeding but he still wakes up a couple times at night. Some nights it's twice and other nights it's every hour! I think he may have gotten worse after we did the whole sleep training shabang. He has had teething issues but he broke two and is now ok ( I think but could be wrong)

I just need to know it's normal and that some babies just take longer? And that it's OK to fail at sleep training? Also if you initially failed sleep training, what did you do? Tips etc.

RondackHiker

I just got up with DS when he woke up. I'd get more coffee at work if needed.

I don't think you're supposed to sleep train if they're teething or sick. It's a bit unfair.

Nikkijo1022

I am failing. Big fat F for me. LO is up 2x at night. I'm still feeding him. I've tried the "cry it out" with checking in on him and at the point of like an hour ish... I decided id rather give in and get some sleep myself bc I have to work early. If I feed him he goes right back down. Today one of his "wakes" was bc poop. Why does he poop at night? This is normal for him. It's strange to me lol. I constantly get about 5 hours of sleep. I feel like death most days. Boo. Hope it gets better for you!

iwubrory

Did you read then follow a sleep training method or just kind of wing it?

I get not sleep training while teething but I disagree with not doing it while tired. DD is much better now that she's getting more restful sleep at night.

If you're interested, we have an F14 group that is a safe place to talk about sleep training.

Codypup

We tried it once, and I quickly learned I couldn't hack it. 

Right now though, I've gotten W into a routine where she does put herself to sleep, and without any crying. I was reading on some sleep training stuff and liked a description of how "the baby needs to be in a place where sleep overcomes them" or something like that. And it made me realize I was trying to force sleep when she simply wasn't ready.

So now, I do a 3 try thing. At the first sign of sleepiness, I take her upstairs and into the bed, where we roll around, rub eyes, chatter, and say goodnight to the birds/squirrels/daddy in Nashville. Then I'll take her back downstairs for a bit. Then when she yawns again, we go back up with a bottle. Oftentimes she'll fall asleep then, but sometimes it takes another try. I don't hold her, touch her, or talk to her, and she drinks her bottle and finally just dozes off. From start to finish, the whole thing normally takes 30-45 minutes.

That approach might not work for everyone, but my thinking is that I'm following her cues, and helping facilitate a good atmosphere for dozing off. If she's not quite ready, I don't force it -- we change scenery and then just try again. Me trying to force it resulted in me getting really, really frustrated and annoyed.

Anyway. How often she wakes up varies, depending on teething it seems. Last night she was up a TON, whereas this past week she's only woken once to eat. 

So to answer your question...I think regression is normal when teething or sick, and I also think Ferber doesn't work for everyone, and you'll have to come up with a routine that works for you guys.

Bugs02

I was actually thinking of asking a similar question, today.
It's been horrible! G is up numerous times a night just to comfort nurse. If I don't give him a boob he just screams bloody murder.
It's actually been worse the past week or so. He at least used to sleep from 7-11, now he doesn't even do that.
I don't know what to do!

shellbell3845

You may have to think of sleep training as a process rather than an event. After some rough nights with teething, you may need to train again.

I know how hard it is to function at work after rough nights. I've been having a hard time with it too. Hats off to the mamas who can be up all night and still be able to function, but I'm not in that club. ((Hugs))

Noethola

We tried the CIO sleep training method, and we all ended up crying. We may try that method again around 1yr if we decide to. We are trying the no cry sleep solution, and it has made things better. Its a slow method, but that is okay with me. Some nights are better than others. We still average 4 wakeups. But he is getting better naps which also seems to have helped us at night. 

magentawarped

Well, we were down to 1-2 wake ups a night, but then teething hit again. I don't even know how many times I was up with Logan last night...I lost count. So there's that.

Honestly, though, I'm just kind of winging it like I did with the toddler, so I don't know that you could really call what I'm doing "training".

iwubrory

@Hg45 YGPM

ras26

@mamosey - ygpm
OP - I'm finding that every kid is different and you aren't failing. You just haven't found what works for you!

Bugs02

How do I teach him to self soothe?
I'm okay nursing him if he's hungry. I'm also okay with once or twice a night, just not every two hours.
I'm not good with letting him CIO. Suggestions, please!

sdlaura

One thing we have found and I have read is that consistency is the key.  So maybe switching around between different methods may be an issue.  We read the Ferber book and have followed it closely.  According to Ferber, it is really important not to go pick up baby and soothe to sleep once you have committed to the method.  All that is teaching the baby is that he or she needs to cry for x amount of time for you to come soothe, so baby will cry for at least that long the next time he or she wakes up.  It would be easier for me and I would get more sleep initially if I just fed DS whenever he wakes up, but it was worth the time investment to sleep train and have some tired days because now he is sleeping really well. 

I agree that it's not fair to do sleep training while teething or sick. We had to re-sleep train after DS had a cold recently and we soothed him more quickly, but now we're back to "normal."

starfisher

@JammersC‌ I would love to see your routine if you wouldn't mind sharing!

JammersC said:

How is your LO doing with naps? We were having a rough time at night up until a few weeks ago. I decided to try working on improving LO's naps (because they were rough too) and it really improved her nighttime sleep when her daytime naps improved. I wouldn't call what we've done "sleep training" per se, but it worked for us. It's sort of that "sleep begets sleep" concept ... When LO was napping better, she started sleeping better at night. The key was all in the routine. I'd be happy to share our routine with anyone who wants it.

ShePersisted

Thanks ladies! I feel like a zombie and need help. I realize every baby is different but I do think waking up more than once or twice just can't be normal at this age unless there is a health issue. Which honestly is the biggest struggle when trying to sleep train.

I need to sleep. Period! It is important for my well being and my baby's well being. I work 11-12 hours a day and most of it is mentally straining. I am not ashamed to say I am struggling. Thank you for understanding. I am glad I can still talk about this with you lovely women.

Altreed

I am glad you posted this.  Its SO good to hear we are not alone.  We did sleep training awhile back and it helped immensely for going down for bed and naps.  However, J still wakes at night for feeds.  Some nights its once, some nights three times.  We have some friends that swear that by a certain age, babies shouldn't "need" a night feeding.  In our case, it we tried to soothe J/let him cry a bit he would doze back off but only for a short time (say 30 mins) and wake hungry again.  This cycle would repeat until we fed him.  It was much easier for us to just feed him and put him back down.  I have friends that would tell me its totally unnecessary to feed your baby 3 times in the night.  But- its working for us and in the end it gets us the most rest.  Like SO many of you have said, I don't think there is always a "one size fits all" solution.  I hope things get better @hg45!  Just know you aren't alone and you are absolutely NOT a failure!

Iznik

iwubrory said:

Did you read then follow a sleep training method or just kind of wing it? I get not sleep training while teething but I disagree with not doing it while tired. DD is much better now that she's getting more restful sleep at night. If you're interested, we have an F14 group that is a safe place to talk about sleep training.

Just out of curiosity, why is there a separate group, @iwubrory? We couldn't just have a big thread that everyone could participate in?

Anyway, I'm with you, OP!  My LO usually only wakes up ~3 times/night but usually at least one of those times is for 2-3 hours and I just can't function with 2 hours of interrupted sleep, a gap of 3 hours, and another 2 hours of interrupted sleep, which is what frequently ends up happening!  We haven't tried sleep training yet, but I know we'll need to do something and I am dreading it.

shellbell3845

Iznik said:

iwubrory said:

Did you read then follow a sleep training method or just kind of wing it?

I get not sleep training while teething but I disagree with not doing it while tired. DD is much better now that she's getting more restful sleep at night.

If you're interested, we have an F14 group that is a safe place to talk about sleep training.

Just out of curiosity, why is there a separate group, @iwubrory? We couldn't just have a big thread that everyone could participate in?

Anyway, I'm with you, OP!  My LO usually only wakes up ~3 times/night but usually at least one of those times is for 2-3 hours and I just can't function with 2 hours of interrupted sleep, a gap of 3 hours, and another 2 hours of interrupted sleep, which is what frequently ends up happening!  We haven't tried sleep training yet, but I know we'll need to do something and I am dreading it.

No, we can't have one big thread. Turns out people are more passionate/defensive/judgy about sleep training than about anything ever. We've had several. It's been a mess each time.

iwubrory

shellbell3845 said:

Iznik said:

iwubrory said:

Did you read then follow a sleep training method or just kind of wing it?

I get not sleep training while teething but I disagree with not doing it while tired. DD is much better now that she's getting more restful sleep at night.

If you're interested, we have an F14 group that is a safe place to talk about sleep training.

Just out of curiosity, why is there a separate group, @iwubrory? We couldn't just have a big thread that everyone could participate in?

Anyway, I'm with you, OP!  My LO usually only wakes up ~3 times/night but usually at least one of those times is for 2-3 hours and I just can't function with 2 hours of interrupted sleep, a gap of 3 hours, and another 2 hours of interrupted sleep, which is what frequently ends up happening!  We haven't tried sleep training yet, but I know we'll need to do something and I am dreading it.

No, we can't have one big thread. Turns out people are more passionate/defensive/judgy about sleep training than about anything ever. We've had several. It's been a mess each time.



This. Some people would like to be able to talk about sleep training without being told they should just suck it up and drink coffee.

RedSoxGirl10

Can I join the group? I am very pro sleep training but have hesitated to post my questions and experiences.

Iznik

iwubrory said:

iwubrory said:

Did you read then follow a sleep training method or just kind of wing it? I get not sleep training while teething but I disagree with not doing it while tired. DD is much better now that she's getting more restful sleep at night. If you're interested, we have an F14 group that is a safe place to talk about sleep training.

Just out of curiosity, why is there a separate group, @iwubrory? We couldn't just have a big thread that everyone could participate in?

Anyway, I'm with you, OP!  My LO usually only wakes up ~3 times/night but usually at least one of those times is for 2-3 hours and I just can't function with 2 hours of interrupted sleep, a gap of 3 hours, and another 2 hours of interrupted sleep, which is what frequently ends up happening!  We haven't tried sleep training yet, but I know we'll need to do something and I am dreading it.

No, we can't have one big thread. Turns out people are more passionate/defensive/judgy about sleep training than about anything ever. We've had several. It's been a mess each time.

This. Some people would like to be able to talk about sleep training without being told they should just suck it up and drink coffee.

Ahh, ok, that's too bad, but makes sense.

MissDemeanor

We're not sleep training here, as what LO has going on is working ok for us. But I just wanted to say that I still appreciate reading about your experiences. I'm sorry for any mama's that are having a hard time with sleep issues right now, and that none of you are failing at anything.