Loss moms: I have a sensitivity question.

barackollama

I will start by saying I'm not pregnant. My last pregnancy ended with a loss at 8 weeks. We had picked out names but I chose to use a different one on the paperwork. A few months ago a friend had a loss at 15 weeks. She knew the sex (girl) and had picked the name. They picked a unisex name that happens to be the name I wanted to use for a boy.

IF I get pregnant and it happens to be a boy, can I still use the name? Or is that a jerk move? I can seriously handle hearing if I'm being rude. We're "hang out in a group" friends not "call to hang out" friends but I don't want to cause her pain!

I also know this is somewhat ridiculous. I still have to manage to get knocked up and baby could be a girl if I do.

bearfootz

I don't think you need to give up the name right now.  When the time comes, if it's a boy and you are still in love with the name then re-assess your relationship with the friend and put yourself in her shoes and consider if you think it would cause her pain or not.  If it's not going to be a constant reminder because you two do not see each other that often at that point, then don't worry about it.

It is nice of you to consider her feelings though.

tigerlynx31413

I agree that is she were a closer friend I would just pick another name. But there seems to be enough distance that you could still use the name. 

ellebelle2384

Agreed with PPs and I like @sarcaztic10's point about each baby having a different "feeling".  I think if you were closer I would pick a different name, but since you aren't that close you could still use it if you wanted to.

rachels615

I also agree with pps about the distance, however, if it's something that's going to stew in your gut as a rotten feeling you could always just have a chat with her about it. Realistically to me I would be okay with a friend naming their baby any of the names I had picked out before my losses because those babies need a good name right?