In need of reassurance from working mommies

Krisd6

I have been lucky to have had 4 mo off with my little one. I going back to work Wednesday and I am an absolute mess. I cry all the time and am so depressed. The thought of missing things and only really seeing my little guy for 5 hrs a day is really hard for me. For mommys who have gone back to work- please reassure me it gets easier. Everyone in my family stayed home with their babies. I am the only one to return to work and use daycare. They try to be understanding but I can tell they just don't get it.

Does the crying ever stop? Any thoughts to make it an easier transition??? Has anyone changed careers after trying to go back to your previous position?

mymommyplace

I only got 8 weeks with DS & I was so sad to leave him. He had to start daycare and I was hating the idea that these ladies would be taking care of my son but it did get easier because I was so excited to come home and love on him for a bit. He's doing fantastic in daycare and the women love him and take care of him like I do so that sets me at ease. Don't worry mama it gets better! It just takes some use to but you'll appreciate the time so much more!

caycelee

It will get easier with time. I know it doesn't seem like it will but it does. I only see my little guy for an hour and a half before I have to put him to bed, it sucks but I cherish my weekends with him!i started back at work mid week to help with the transition and my husband stays home with him so that is a huge plus because I'm able to FaceTime him when I pump and get picture texts. Hang in there, it's super hard but it will get easier.

ksyknelvr73

It really does get easier over time. I cried so much leading up to going back to work with my first son. I found that the anticipation was way worse than the actual day I went back though. Of course, whenever anyone asked how I was doing I would say okay and basically run away and cry a little. But only the first day was like that.

This time around, it was much easier. It still sucks in general leaving them the first time, but I knew when I saw him once I got home I would be greeted with a huge smile.

Don't kid yourself, it is definitely hard. But you will make it and so will LO and the days will get easier! And I know it may not seem like it, but 5 hours a day is really great. I see my boys for maybe 2 hours total each day mostly thanks to my commute. Just soak up every minute you have with them!

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momo214

Same as pp. It's super hard but it will get easier. It's much harder on you than it is your LO, at least for us it was. My LO loves day care and seems to do much better there than with my mom who watches her 2 days a week. I am a FTM so LO gets to socialize at day care and observe other kids which she wouldn't get as much of just at home with me. She's also super adaptable, and independent, yet a social butterfly.

britab

I'm at work and it is going well! I still miss her like crazy but she knows and loves her parents. DH can only see her about 30 minutes a day.

As a teacher, I can tell you kids with working parents are just as well off as the ones with Sahms.

Ellastrandlewis

I agree with everything from pp. the anticipation is way worse than the real thing. I noticed a big shift in my priorities more than a change in career. You can do it... Staying home has its challenges too. IMO, it's a lot easier to go back to work than decide it isn't for you and stay home vs. getting back into the work force after staying home.

You got this mama!

operaghost

ksyknelvr73 said:

It really does get easier over time. I cried so much leading up to going back to work with my first son. I found that the anticipation was way worse than the actual day I went back though.

This. I dreaded going back, but once I was there it wasn't as bad as I thought. And I work so much faster now just because I am eager to get home and see her each day!

waldothewiener1

God. I feel like such a douche. I was on ML for six weeks and being cooped up in the house was not for me. I didn't mind going back. Didn't even bat an eye. But it also helps that DH works nights and cares for him during the day.

Marcella05

The anxiety of being away from your baby and someone else caring for him is tough. But his caretakers will learn him like you have (his cues, likes, dislikes,mets.) and you'll feel less anxious with each new day. I still miss my DS during the day, but the "I can't go to work" feeling is gone. I save all my snuggles and kisses for him when I see him after work.

mrsbtobe20122

I'm back and loving the "break". I work 12 hour shifts so on days I work I don't see my guy but a few minutes before he goes to bed so that stinks.

The first few days back I was a super sobber. We use daycare and then my MIL picks him up til we get home. It takes a village--- but he loves being loved on by everyone, so that makes it easier.

pandadair

The first day sucked and I was counting the minutes until I could pick him up. Ever since then, though? It's kind of nice. I get his morning smiles and get to nurse him and snuggle him for a while before putting him to bed, and I get to look forward to spending the whole weekend with him. While I was on mat leave, I didn't enjoy/treasure our time together as much as I do now. So, I guess my point is that I don't question for a second that the right thing for us is him in daycare and me working. Just take it a day at a time and don't let a rough first day cause you to think it won't get any better.

yvanehtnioj

I sobbed the first day. I was physically sick. But each day did get easier with less anxiety. Now I miss him but I'm confident he is being cared for well and I'm proud of my contribution to our family's future. My advice is when you're home, be HOME and present. Don't let work intrude. I even try to limit internet, etc while he's awake.

Krisd6

Crying of course as I type this
Thanks everyone! It's nice to know others have been through this and survived I know I will too. I appreciate everyone's advice, thoughts and encouragement!!

shellrob

Best of luck to you on your transition back to work...I will be in your shoes in a little over a month! I'm having anxiety already. I keep telling myself it will all be OK.
We can do it!!

Krisd6

shellrob said:

Best of luck to you on your transition back to work...I will be in your shoes in a little over a month! I'm having anxiety already. I keep telling myself it will all be OK.
We can do it!!

Yes we can! Enjoy your last
Month. It goes so fast!

apinkpelican

It's hard but does get easier. If you can have DH do drop off in the morning that may help. Whenever I have to drop her off it's much harder on me.
((Hugs))

delatl

I agree, it turned out to be easier than I thought, emotionally. What I have struggled with is my returning to work coincided with her 4 month sleep regression. It's really hard to work when I've gotten so little sleep and there's no way to get a nap. Also, I find the logistics hard. Getting her all packed and me all dressed is hard, especially since my DH is out of town a lot so I often have to get ready with her awake.

jcf2133

I felt the same way. And all the well meaning people who said, "isn't it just so hard to leave her?" Made it infinitely worse. But now several weeks in, I'm really glad she's around other kids and adults. She's learning a little baby patience, and she's trying to do things like crawl, which I don't think she'd be doing yet if she didn't see the other kids doing it. There are days it sucks, but also days like today when I am home sick and feeling awful, and I'm so glad she can go to daycare so I don't get her sick and I can rest a little so I'm back to my mommy self ASAP.

manna1212

It gets better with time! I was really anxious and I think I was more stressed and sad the week leading up to going back then when I went back. I cried the first few mornings. Seeing how happy he is when I get home makes it better. I love my nights and weekends!!

FlemDance

It will be okay! It really does get a tiny bit easier every day. Like PPs have said, the build-up and anticipation of going back was much worse. I know that she is well taken care of and is socializing with other LO's much more than she would be with just me. It does help that she is with someone I know personally and trust. I also keep telling myself that as a teacher, I really will get a lot of days with her (no school days, holiday breaks, summers) and that gets me through. Good luck!

dp1320

I agree w/ pp that the anticipation was way worse than actually going back itself. I cried the first day but that was all. Some days are harder than others, even now. I actually found myself enjoying being back a bit, like I was back to my old self. But then I felt guilty for feeling that way haha Given the opportunity, I would stay home with him but it's not a possibility for our family right now so I try to make the best of it and as everyone else said, really enjoy the time I do get to spend with him! The hardest thing or me is balancing work, my marriage, keeping the house maintained, the animals AND spending time with the baby. I'm working on that.

yvanehtnioj

jcf2133 said:

I felt the same way. And all the well meaning people who said, "isn't it just so hard to leave her?" Made it infinitely worse. 

I can't freaking stand when people ask me this. Or people would ask me how old he was and I'd tell them 13 weeks and they'd say things like "Oh my god he's SO LITTLE I just couldn't leave mine that young wow you're brave" 

It's like 1. How is this so unheard of, a child entering daycare at 13 weeks? That's pretty standard maternity leave in this country. 

2. I'm pretty sure the "you're brave" comment is a bullshit ending tacked onto what is otherwise a kind of mom-shamey statement. I don't make comments about how others are so brave to decide to rely on one income, one health insurance, and one 401K for their future. Because it's not "brave." We do what we have to do, or want to do. So let's not go there. 

britab

One benefit, I can drop DD off and then go into the gas station and get a coffee! It seems like a luxury.

yvanehtnioj

britab said:

One benefit, I can drop DD off and then go into the gas station and get a coffee! It seems like a luxury.

haha seriously! When I realized I could nip outside for a walk during my lunch breaks I was like 

purtz

@Krisd6‌ I am in the same boat, going back Thursday. I decided today it's okay to be sad; and I'm trying to focus on all the good of having a wonderful baby and all the time I did have with him. Good luck to you!

Krisd6

Thanks ladies! You are all amazing mommies I have had a great day with my little one- he actually rolled over completely for the first time today- I'm so glad I was able to see it!
I will let you know how tomorrow goes. I appreciate everyone's support!

jjones59

I was home for about 10 weeks with DD (I'm a teacher and I went back at the beginning of the school year). It was and still is hard but really cherish the time I have with both kids when I am at home, which makes dinners and house suffer but oh well. Oh and I spent all my time on the weekends with both kids---even though sometimes I really need a break----that helps. 

My daughter's daycare provider will send me pictures throughout the day of fun things they are doing. When she was 18 months I have the most adorable picture of her painting with pudding and there was more pudding on her face then there was on the paper.....

Is that an option???

apinkpelican

DH09072012 said:

I agree w/ pp that the anticipation was way worse than actually going back itself. I cried the first day but that was all. Some days are harder than others, even now. I actually found myself enjoying being back a bit, like I was back to my old self. But then I felt guilty for feeling that way haha Given the opportunity, I would stay home with him but it's not a possibility for our family right now so I try to make the best of it and as everyone else said, really enjoy the time I do get to spend with him! The hardest thing or me is balancing work, my marriage, keeping the house maintained, the animals AND spending time with the baby. I'm working on that.

Agree 100%. This is the hardest part for me too.

jaygeejay

I have been back to work for 6 weeks now and some days are still hard to leave my LO. He always seems to be the happiest in the morning and I don't want to miss anything. But I do like having a normal routine and seeing adults again. I feel like I really treasure my time off with my family even more than I did. Also everyday I have something to look forward to after work; picking up my sweet boy is the highlight of my day. 

Hang it there!! 

yvanehtnioj

I read somewhere that when you're a mom, you can have a job, enough sleep, a clean house, homemade dinners, a nice body, and a great sex life....pick any two! 

And it's so true.