How do I put this nicely...

gsancho

Understandably, my DH doesn't quite get the constant paranoia that comes with a pregnancy after IF.  He'll freak out with me a little when I'm spotting, but once the doctor says they can't find a source and the u/s looks good, he is back to cloud 9.  His mom lives far away and is very sweet, but SOOOO emotional and all about feelings.  I just didn't grow up that way - I'm naturally pessimistic, and we don't talk about feelings all the time.  

Anyways, she has been texting me about every other day to talk about all the excitement and joy over the coming baby.  Every text is all, squeeeeeee!!!!!  I just don't know how to respond or handle it.  And I really don't share the level of excitement when I'm still dealing with cramping and spotting.  Should I go along with it to avoid hurt feelings?  Do I tell DH to talk to her?  Maybe he isn't telling her how much worry I still have...

I feel like I should talk to my DH about it...I just needs some tips to not sound like a total bitch.  How do I nicely tell someone to calm their tits?

ky29

I have to deal with that with my mom... Which is a little different than a MIL. My mom gets overly excited and it will overwhelm me. This pregnancy before my beta, but after I got a couple +hpt, I told her I didn't want to talk about it much and I didn't want a big deal made.

After each beta I hear, "oh this is great. I feel so good. I'm so excited." On repeat. I'm getting ready to tell her again that I don't want to hear all that right now.

I would talk to your DH about it.. And hopefully he can understand your feelings and pass that onto his mom. The next time she brings it up to him, he could say, "it's still early and we just want to take it one day at a time and not get too overly excited. It's easier on her if we don't talk about it too much."

If he doesn't understand and / or feel comfortable, I think you could say something along those lines. I've had to tell other family members that, and so far they've all been understanding.

Good luck!!

southernyankeegirl

I like what @ky29 said.

I'd probably be direct but kind with her - "I am so glad you're so happy.  I wish I could be at a place where I was as excited and optimistic, but given how long it took us to get here, I'm finding myself more nervous than anything else about the possibility of miscarriage, and talking about it all makes me more nervous.  Would it be okay if we didn't talk about the pregnancy for a few weeks until I get more comfortable that this is going to last?"

pblge

I had to have a similar conversation with my mother, but I just told her that I'm considered high risk so it was way too early to drop the caution and get overly excited. She asked why, of course, and I just told her that it was because I'm Rh negative--they don't know we did IVF because she can't keep her freaking mouth shut about anything. She's been much better since that email, except that she keeps asking about the Rh sensitization tests. 8-|

If that's not a good option for you, I love what @southernyankeegirl and @ky29 wrote.:)

beachy6

I had to have the same conversation with my mom. She was so excited and wanted to talk about it all the time. I just wanted to ignore it until my EDD, honestly. I made my H have the conversation with his mom. I figured it was only fair.

We didn't burst their bubbles, but we just asked that they be respectful that, even though we were excited, it was just as equally scary and we needed time for it to sink in. DH told my MIL that we'd start talking about it to her when we were ready, but not to bring it up until then, at least not to us.

It seemed to work. Best of luck, as it's such a weird place to be. If your H doesn't understand, most of us here do, so just lean on us until it gets easier.

gsancho

I talked to DH about, but he got defensive.  I tried the delayed, one word response for now...  Otherwise, I may just text something directly too her about getting anxious talking about things too much.

Pintobean39

I have the same problem. Although, I'm not as far along as you and I'm just starting down this journey, I'm finding ppl annoying and I still don't want to talk to anyone. We've only told a few ppl and of course they are soooo excited and I'm not. My best friend keeps telling me I need to quit worrying so much. My MIL squealed and kept saying "aren't you so excited" over and over again. No I'm not, sorry. I'm scared shitless. I don't get excited when I get pregnant anymore. I finally just quit talking to ppl. My husband has finally, after a small scare yesterday of maybe some spotting, is kinda looking at it from my point of view. So he's supporting me in the fact that I don't want to talk to ppl and he's doing all the talking for me.

MissEm15

gsancho said:

I talked to DH about, but he got defensive.  I tried the delayed, one word response for now...  Otherwise, I may just text something directly too her about getting anxious talking about things too much.

I was going to say.. if you talk to your DH about his mom, I'd be very particular in your wording. I know my MIL & FIL can't do wrong according to my DH. However, if I say things in a more understanding manner (like I totally understand their excitement, but this journey has been hard on me & I'm not there yet), he kind of sees my side a little better bc it's nicer lol. IDK I'm not great at wording things.

If it makes you feel better.. my FIL text messages me pictures of random people's twins he sees out IRL. I had to tell him, it was creepy haha.

yvonne0001

I thought I was just being a bitch to my family - especially mom and MIL - because I keept saying please calm down. We just passed the 5week mark and I have even been weary of posting in the pregnant after IF forum, let alone talking nonstop with everyone about it. I am excited, for the most part & really overjoyed, but also terrified and they don't seem to get that. It's already a full out celebration and planning for every detail to come. I prefer to be a realist, stay in the moment, until we are really in the "clear" and even then I think there will always be that twinge of "but...."

I have no advice to give because I am at a loss too. Thanks for posting this though and for the replies. Good to know I am not alone.