~*~*~ August Angels Check-In 9/22/14 ~*~*~

dawnstar898

August Mommas

This check-in is for mommas who lost a baby due in the month of August (any year), and any late loss mommas who gave birth and lost their precious angel in August.

New to the check in: Welcome. I'm so sorry you find yourself here but hope you find the love and support you need from the amazing women on TTCAL. Tell us a bit about yourself, where you are in the TTCAL process, and don't forget to include your August EDD or birth date.

Current members: Let me know if you have any updates to the information below, or if you get a BFP please send me a PM with along with your EDD!

For everyone: How are you lovely ladies doing this week? Where are you in the TTCAL process this week? Any appointments coming up?

If you don't have a special message below, it just means you weren't able to check in last week or haven't checked in for a while. So, let us know what's up with you TTC and otherwise so I can include it next week!

The List:

LiaMadi1: EDD 8/3/13 and 8/7/14

Sfazar: EDD 8/4/14

Lundlebean: EDD 8/5/14

Dawnstar898: EDD 8/25/14

@LiaMadi1:  How are things going this week?

@Sfazar:

@Lundlebean:

QOTW:   Tell me about the most exotic place you've been to!

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*warning below

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*our group is shrinking

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*Big huge congratulations to @NoeliaV for getting your BFP this month!  We all wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy.  FX this is your rainbow!

LiaMadi1

Our tiny little August mommas group!  I'm doing alright, for the most part.  I had a friend who was due with twin girls at the beginning of October had the girls on Tuesday.  I have not mustered up enough emotional stability to see her or them yet, but I've provided support via text and FB.  I'm sure I will go soon enough, I'm just preparing what I'm going to do/say/etc when I see her and just know I will have to keep it together while I see her.  I'm happy they are all healthy, but it just remind me how I am NO WHERE NEAR CLOSE to being pregnant again and having a potential family in my future.  DH also asked today when we should avoid having sex to avoid getting pregnant and that was just another shot to the heart that WE ARE NO WHERE CLOSE to having our family.  I'm just kind of in a bummed place right now...sorry, ladies!

QOTW: I went to Costa Rica when I was in eighth grade with school and it was AMAZING!!! I wish I could go back and would go back in a heart beat! I slept in a hammock at a hotel one night! It was insane!

dawnstar898

@Liamadi1 (((hugs)))  I'm sorry you're having a hard time with your friends' babies but I so understand.  Does your friend know about your history?  If you're not ready to see the babies or just plain old don't want to, I think that's completely understandable.  I don't know how I did it but the day I found out about my first MC I went to the hospital and visited my friend and her daughter who was born the same day.  I don't know if I was still in shock or what, but I held it together and actually enjoyed it.  That was a year ago though.  Now, I just don't know.  You do what's best for you and hopefully your friend will understand.

Costa Rica is one place we are considering for our vacation in November.  We are actually calling the travel agent today! 

LundleBean

Thank you for the check-in, @dawnstar898

@LiaMadi1
I'm sorry about the place you're in right now.  It comes and goes and there always seem to be reminders.  I hope when you do see your friend and her babies, it is a good, happy visit.

Last time I checked in, I was trying to figure out if I now have IF coverage.  Nope.  This week, I went through DH's brand new benefits options to see if we have a chance at IF coverage.  Double nope.  At least one of his plans goes as far as to cover IUI's but with no fallopian tubes, and none of our options willing to help with IVF, we are out until we can feel okay with paying completely OOP for another cycle.  I'm struggling most of the time with this, and today, with a PG announcement at work, I have been a mess.
  I don't like being at a standstill; I wish there was a pause button so I could process my life mentally without losing time.  Sorry.  Deep.  It was just a particularly bad day.

Anyway, QOTW:  On what was supposed to be our babymoon, we went on a cruise to Jamaica and the Cayman Islands.  I love cruising, and though it was really bad timing (the week after my loss) we were able to be in a different world and try new things.  We ziplined through a rainforest, climbed a waterfall, and swam through a coral reef.

dawnstar898

@LundleBean That really sucks that IF is not covered by insurance.  Seems a little silly if you ask me!  Move to Massachusetts, it's mandatory that insurance companies cover IF treatments as well, as it should be!  I can't even imagine how much IVF costs out of pocket.
I am so sorry about the PG announcement at work too.  That's happened to me too and it's seriously like a punch in the gut.  I HATE that my first feeling is jealousy instead of happiness for that person. I mean, who wants to be like that right? 
I feel like there was a quote I remembered from My So Called Life (do you remember that show?) where Angela said something along the lines of having a remote control for life, you could fast forward through the bad parts, and slow down the good parts then just pause when you needed to. It would be great because you would always be in control of your life.  I don't remember it exactly but I remember how cool I thought that would be.
That cruise sounded amazing!  I've only been on one cruise and I really enjoyed it as well.
I'm sorry you're having a rough week, I hope it gets better for you.  Lots of (((hugs)))

sfazar

Hello August ladies,

        Hugs to all of you who are struggling with insurance / pregnant women / general stuff!

        I'm sorry to be late to the checkin. I had a really great trip with my Grandma to Istanbul to give a conference paper. It was one of the highlights of my life so far.

           My dog has a terrible cough that has me worried sick--we go to the vet today at 2. She's gotten a lot worse over the last 24 hrs.  I was up all night with her and I am scared especially after her heartworm issues earlier in the year.

           I have been feeling super blue about everything...all these comments about how small our group has become, the fact that it was in October when the cycle that led to my 11 week pregnancy began. Plus the holidays are coming, and they were so filled with joy, fear and pain soon after the New Year.  I have this sinking feeling that I will go through the holiday season still TTC and it's about enough to send me over the edge. I feel so hopeless.

        I suggested last night that my husband and I go on a trip somewhere for Christmas. Not that we can afford it.  I really don't want to have to see family this year as awful as that sounds. My counselor is encouraging me to see it not as selfishness but "self-care." Unfortunately my husband doesn't buy that. He thinks I'm being ridiculous, but it's about the only way I can imagine getting through this time, so I hope he will come around.

       Where am I in my cycle? Well, today is day 5.  My RE called 2 weeks after my blood tests (aren't they ready sooner?) to let me know that I have subclinical hypothyroidism (TSH 2.72 and they want it below 2.5 for TTC).  He wouldn't prescribe the medicine (really?!) so I had to go to my Primary care physician which dragged this out even longer. Then I am supposed to have an HSG, but they couldn't get me in until Oct 1--Day 11 of my cycle. 

        My mother called me last night and told me that my lesbian cousin and her partner wrote her a letter saying that they were going to try IVF.  I really felt like this was unnecessary for her to share with me. I would be happy for this cousin, but she's been so insensitive in the wake of my miscarriage--sending me unsolicited pictures of her infant nephew every few weeks. Finally I told my mom to politely ask her to stop and then I got this postcard in the mail telling me that she had made "a wish" for me at the wishing tree at our mountain cabin.  I know she was trying to be nice, but it just felt kind of condescending--I'm not looking for pity, just to be left alone.

      Thank you for listening to my rant!  I'm going to try to be a better person in the next weeks. Healthier, more positive, etc.

QOTW: I think either Istanbul or Bolivia are the most exotic places.  Definitely would love to return to Istanbul!

dawnstar898

@sfazar You sure do have a lot on your plate (((hugs)))  I am so glad your trip was so wonderful, I've never been to Turkey, Greece is the closest I've been to that area of the world and that was a beautiful place.
I agree with your counselor, taking care of your self is important.  It's unfortunate that you can't explain to someone who hasn't been through this before what's it's like.  Not that you would wish this upon anyone, but it's impossible for people to truly understand unless they've gone through it themselves.  And at the end of the day, you are the one that has to deal with your problems and feelings, not anyone else.  So you do what's right for you, period.
Did you find out any info about your dog?  I hope she is ok.  A cough can mean a million things.  Let me know how that goes!
I hope things get better for you and I"m sorry that you're in a bad place right now.  Sometimes staying positive is really hard, I get that.  You know you can vent here anytime, we're here to support you...no matter how tiny our little group is   (I know, it's very bittersweet)

sfazar

Thank you @dawnstar898 for all of the kind support. I'm a bit embarrassed by what an unloading I did.  Everything was exacerbated by concern for my pup. I was up all night with her having coughing attacks every 30-45 minutes and spitting up (who needs a LO, right? j/k).  It was so distressing. We are *all* exhausted. The vet said that her vitals look good, and that was music to my ears. It sounds like Kennel Cough despite her having had the vaccine.  I was given the option of spending $400 on blood tests and xrays and antibiotics or waiting to see. We did that latter, but I am watching her and have no qualms about taking her in tomorrow if she's not doing better.  She seems slightly better (touch wood). 

I hope all of you ladies have lovely weekends. @LiaMadi1, I am right there with you--same feelings.

dawnstar898

sfazar said:

Thank you @dawnstar898 for all of the kind support. I'm a bit embarrassed by what an unloading I did.  Everything was exacerbated by concern for my pup. I was up all night with her having coughing attacks every 30-45 minutes and spitting up (who needs a LO, right? j/k).  It was so distressing. We are *all* exhausted. The vet said that her vitals look good, and that was music to my ears. It sounds like Kennel Cough despite her having had the vaccine.  I was given the option of spending $400 on blood tests and xrays and antibiotics or waiting to see. We did that latter, but I am watching her and have no qualms about taking her in tomorrow if she's not doing better.  She seems slightly better (touch wood). 

I hope all of you ladies have lovely weekends. @LiaMadi1, I am right there with you--same feelings.

You have nothing to be embarrassed about, that's why this board is here, to unload!
I hope your pup feels better soon