Another DH vent

bridetobe9132013

We are currently at my in laws visiting and DH has made me soooo frustrated, I dont even want to be around him right now! DH and his brother enjoy playing games on the computer. There is one game I enjoy playing and since DD was born i rarely get to play, which is fine because she is more important. I wanted to play today since in laws were spending time with DD and I felt like the whole time was focused on how they are better at the game. In know im not great at it but I have fun.. let me play the damn game and have fun! Well mil had to make dinner so I stop playing and go take care of DD. DH never offers to take over with her! He comes into the living room an hour later talking about his buzz and how good his drink was. Then DD needed to eat and we were all having dinner so I fed DD instead of eat. DH slowly eats his dinner and i just sit there and wait for him to offer to take her when he was finished. Instead he puts his elbows on the table and joins in his brothers conversation. Are you kidding me?!? Then I lightly tap his arm and ask him to take her and he made me look like an ass in front of his family saying "geez you dont have to hit me, I just finished." In my opinion, he should have immediately taken her to allow me to eat. Then he starts talking about how he doesnt think he should be quiet while DD is sleeping because she needs to get used to noise. Im sorry but when its midnight and i'm ready for bed, you better be quiet! Then he takes DD and his mom starts saying "oh why dont you go sit down on the couch and get comfy with her?" Nobody gives a shit about my comfort! AHHH im soooooo irritated. I feel very disrespected! I am going to talk to him but I cant until we leave here to go home. I wanted to vent here so I dont knock him out in front of his family! I cant stand the way he turns off parenting when he feels like it.

bridetobe9132013

Then his mom starts taking pics of him and DD like he is father of the year... ugh! So sorry for another DH vent. He is a great guy, he just needs to know that this is NOT acceptable behavior and im not going to put up with it. Yeah he works during the week but I take care of DD all week and I deserve a break too.

kendy20

I know we've all been there at some point. I hope he lets you enjoy some time alone or at least enjoy a meal. Hope it gets better after you talk to him! {{hugs}}

bridetobe9132013

Thank you @kendy20. It doesnt help when mil sticks up for him with everything.

kendy20

Yeah, I'm sorry. I can't relate to that. We live on the east coast and family is on the west coast. So we never run into things like that. I guess I got lucky with my mil, she would pick my side more likely.

frasey

I also hope that your chat w him goes well, and that you don't have to go thru this again... ugh, men!

bridetobe9132013

I have had to talk to him in the past. Last time we were here I sat down to eat after feeding DD and he never even offered to get me food. I had to ask him to pass me thr food. I mean come on, show me the same respect I show you. He was better about that this time.

bridetobe9132013

This is stuff I feel like I shouldn't have to talk to him about. A lot of it is common courtesy.

bridetobe9132013

Thank you everyone! Sorry any of us need to deal with this.

mymommyplace

That really sucks - I hope you guys can work it out. I know my frustration came when I would get home and automatically be cleaning, making dinner, laundry and then eventually put DS down for the night I was so tired by the end of the night. I would look at DH and wait for him to offer to fold clothes or do the dishes. We wound up having a fight because I was expecting him to offer when he needed me to tell him what to do. So once I learned to ask him to fold laundry or do dishes he would and eventually I didn't need to ask anymore. Maybe that's what he needs is to be asked???? Good luck!! Hope it gets better

waldothewiener1

mymommyplace said:

So once I learned to ask him to fold laundry or do dishes he would and eventually I didn't need to ask anymore. Maybe that's what he needs is to be asked????

This. I feel like men are a lot dumber than we give them credit for, I have to remind myself of that often lol

bazingaa

I feel like we should have a DH rant thread... Like we do for sleep with the big snooze. I'm sure someone could come up with a catchy name for it too!

Edit for typo

Katzalia

I don't know if anyone else has noticed anything like this, but when we've had my H's family staying with us, he gets much more focused on them and their needs. When it's just us, or when my family was here, he's much more attentive to my and LO's needs.

Maybe your H is more used to being a son/brother in that context, and being a father isn't so automatic yet? I'd give him the benefit of the doubt that he's just being an oblivious...man, and needs some explicit prompting, as PPs have noted.

bridetobe9132013

I think it is that he isn't used to playing "daddy" yet and I guess im more used to her cries and schedule because im a sahm to her. I just would love for him to offer. He is a great husband and father. He just needs to be more aware of our needs.

bridetobe9132013

I would be fine with a DH rant thread. Maybe it could be a thread to post about good or bad things DH does?

bazingaa

bridetobe9132013 said:

I would be fine with a DH rant thread. Maybe it could be a thread to post about good or bad things DH does?

Given previous posts on this board, I have a feeling the good would get buried under the bad! Oh, men.

bridetobe9132013

@bazingaa‌ that is probably true!

bridetobe9132013

Thank you @usernameedit I ended up talking to him on the way home that night and straightened everything out. We are very good with communication but since we were around his family I wanted a place to vent until I could talk to him this board and everyone on here is great!