Pick your battles

Sep5Bride

Hi all,

"Parenting" is getting a lot trickier as DD is getting older and developing her own stubborn personality. (DH and I are both very stubborn, so she got a double dose of the stubborn gene!) We are trying to stay consistent, but it's sometimes a lot harder than it sounds! I thought it would be interesting to hear what others have determined to be the most important areas in which to to stick to your guns.

For us we are currently focusing on eating at the table (vs. while running around the kitchen). We've also gotten in the habit of putting on a TV show when we want to change DD's clothes so that she'll stay still, and we're now trying to break this habit. It sounds easy, and my pre-baby self would totally have judged my post-baby self for lapsing in these areas, but it's a lot harder than I would have thought!

Anybody else want to share?

martha919

Yeah, I'm having trouble deciding how much I wanna fight the playing with food battle. I'm definitely fighting the climb-on-the-toilet battle because she fell off and hit her head, oops. So...trying to teach her to pull the step-stool up to the sink if she wants to see it. Sigh. They can be challenging little buggers, that's for sure.

brachysira

Whoa--DD does not do any part of dressing herself except sticking her limbs out.  And putting on accessories. 

I know a lot of  things I care about because my MIL is in charge of DD while new baby is in the NICU and I am with him all day, and it is driving me batty.  I always stick to bedtime.  I never stay in the room once DD is in bed, even if she is yelling.  I do not feed her cheezits, chips, cookies and other complete junk as a regular snack or bribe.  I do not feed her when she is throwing a fit.  I do not turn on the TV or hand her my phone to fix a tantrum (phone is an exception in public occasionally).  I do not use a diaper change as a negative consequence, although she does not like it.  I do not swear.  I do not allow DD to watch TV while the rest of the family eats because she does not want to come to the table.  

ReeceFamily

DD is pretty mellow. The only thing I really contend with is climbing on her chairs (I give her a couple reminders and then just take the chair away). She has like a 10 min attention span at dinner, then we just let her play with toys or run in circles around the dining room table. I figure most stuff that is just annoying and not dangerous she will mature out of?

Sep5Bride

Oh yeah, hitting is definitely a big one, though now that I think about it, I think DD is finally starting to outgrow that a little bit (knock on wood). Two areas that I feel we're actually doing well on are saying please, thank you, and no thank you, and putting away toys when we're done playing (she sings "Clean up, clean up, everybody").

Just since making this post, the high chair/eating at the table issue has definitely improved a little. Diaper and clothing changes are still challenging though...

brachysira

M says please and thank you but she says "peas" and "tank ew" and it cracks me up every time.  So she says it like she is telling a joke.  That, combined with the problem that no one can understand her, means that this is not very functional.

Sep5Bride

ClaryPax said:

brachysira said:

Whoa--DD does not do any part of dressing herself except sticking her limbs out.  And putting on accessories. 

I know a lot of  things I care about because my MIL is in charge of DD while new baby is in the NICU and I am with him all day, and it is driving me batty.  I always stick to bedtime.  I never stay in the room once DD is in bed, even if she is yelling.  I do not feed her cheezits, chips, cookies and other complete junk as a regular snack or bribe.  I do not feed her when she is throwing a fit.  I do not turn on the TV or hand her my phone to fix a tantrum (phone is an exception in public occasionally).  I do not use a diaper change as a negative consequence, although she does not like it.  I do not swear.  I do not allow DD to watch TV while the rest of the family eats because she does not want to come to the table.  

DS is almost 4.  DD is my January 13 baby. 

Haha. I thought the same thing.

spainy17

My battles... Are few. DD has been a very good kid thus far, I think being verbal has cut down a lot on tantrums.

Climbing on chairs. The soft couch ones are fine, her little wooden ones are not. Throwing food. This had gotten better but still an ongoing annoyance at times. My biggest one is that we live on a fairly busy residential street so I'm teaching her to not go past the sidewalk line on our driveway. I don't want her near the road. She tests me often with this and is probably my only major sticking point.

DCKate

DD is actually a pretty good toddler so far. The only thing that's obnoxious right now is that she thinks it's funny to kick her feet at me when I change her diaper.

spainy17

Ooh yeah, DD thinks it is hilarious to make diaper changing a full contact event too. I forgot about this since she isn't really freaking out but it is still annoying! :-)

bennikki

Diaper changes and clothing changes are 50/50 for us.  Sometimes he lays there and talks to me about his day or most recently his dreams if it's morning time ("Mommy, deer at my window!  Deer talking at the window!")  I love it when this happens.  

Other times, he runs around the room laughing his head off.  I would probably put my foot down more with this, but I'm not the most mobile right now (35 weeks), so I usually just sit down on the floor, grab his favorite book, and bribe him with it so he'll sit on my lap, and I can get him changed and ready for the day.  DH does the bedtime changes, but he's gone before DS gets up in the morning, so it's on me for the morning.

Chappy_jr

ClaryPax said:

I don't have a specific thing I am working on at the moment.  I've been working with DS on getting dressed 100% by himself in the morning- I'm trying to teach him to zip his coat- he can do it once it is together but can't put the zipper together.  DD is a terribly picky eater, not sure what to do with that.  She does sit at the table though.  I have to potty train, but I really don't feel like it....  Potty training DS left me traumatized. 

I'm working more on myself making it through the weeks with DH traveling.  

I'm impressed by the zipper!  

We have a few non-negotiables, including: wearing shoes outside, holding my hand in the street/parking lot, sitting in the chair properly (since the high-chair is long gone), and no hitting the dog or giving the dog our food.  I occasionally engage in "you-can't-make-me-wear-a-shirt" chases and I realized the other day that DS doesn't know the difference between this situation and "running-off-into-the-neighbor's-yard" chases so that should end NOW.

These little boogers are so smart and this really is a time to begin to be consistent, if we are not already, and to think about how we are reinforcing potentially unwanted behavior.