FFFC

melody921

kelbel527 said:

melody921 said:

My DH was definite that he was done with two as well. I think sometimes people just know. For him, it was a matter of finances and not having a totally crazy household. If it were up to me, I would have been open to up to 4 kids.

This is totally a personal question - so feel free to not answer @Melody921 but are you OK that it was really his decision then to stop at 2?  

I'm still trying to feel out if my DH knows he's done, or if he's just scared about the idea of more.  I can't blame him for the latter.  Our boys can be a challenge somedays.

@kelbel527, yeah, I'm OK with it. There are times I think, "Oh, it would be great to have another" or "It's sad this is our last baby milestone" or whatever. But then there are days when the two I have are being crazy and I'm trying to balance work and home and I see what DH was talking about. I always said I wanted two or four, and I really believe in deferring to the person who wants fewer kids bc I think it would have stressed my DH out a lot to have more. And at the end of the day, even though babies are adorable and squishy and it would be fun to have a whole brood, two is more in line with our lifestyle and all the things we hope to be able to do with and for them. This just means I can focus my baby love on my niece/nephew when he/she arrives.

BeebopandBuddy

Just my two cents on the age difference- I wouldn't worry about too much as far as siblings go. There are 18 yrs. between DH's oldest daughter and Ethan. They obviously aren't super close and in our situation they only see each other a few days a month, but she comes to the kids' bday parties, they play together, and I can see them having a great relationship one day. I guess I see her as more of a mentor/confidante for them.

watercolor5

kelbel527 said:

watercolor5 said:

While I was writing my last post, I realized that Julia had crawled into the bathroom.  Sophia kept saying what I thought was "Julia touched the bath" but what was actually "Julia touched the brush!"... Yeah.  She had knocked over the toilet brush and was getting all wet from the nasty water the brush was sitting in.  Surprise bathtime for this MOTY.

LOL. I can't even count how many times Aedan has gotten into something gross when I turned my back for a second.  The good thing about a second child though, is that they have someone else monitoring them.  Brody often warns me when Aedan was getting into something.  

Yeah but now Sophia is gloating.  She keeps pointing at the toilet brush saying "Julia touched the brush.  Lovie touched the brush.  Uh oh.  But Sophia doesn't touch the brush!"
Lol kids are funny.

hmp1

My parents have 4 kids spaced out so my sister is 13 years older than me, I'm the youngest. She left for college before I even started school so I don't have a lot of childhood memories with her except holidays. But we talk/email/text almost daily now. Our adult relationship is so awesome even though we are still at very different stages in life, her kids are going off to college now. If we have another kid, it will be a much larger age difference than James and Leo. The only thing that worries me about that is that I might feel the need to quickly have a fourth so they both have a close sibling, lol. But I know that adult life is much longer than childhood and at that point your closest sibling is based on common interests more so than age.

AKB090609

melody921 said:

kelbel527 said:

OK - I have a confession sparked by the sparkle shoe post.  It's tl;dr

I'm worried that we may not have any more kids and some day will regret that decision and potentially resent DH since he's the one who feels we're done.  

I have moments where I am certain I can't handle anymore kids.  Then I have moments where I really think a 3rd (or even 4th lol) would be a great addition to our family.  My head tells me that having a 3rd child would really stretch our budget and probably our patience for awhile, but my heart tells me that we have so much more love to give.  And I know DH is not on board with more.  I don't know how he can be so certain.  

And I know that it's not something that I need to decide immediately, but my original plan was to adopt our future child or children from China.  The wait list is so long right now, that even if we decided today to move forward, there would likely be a 7 year gap between our kids, which I don't know if that's something I could do anymore.

My DH was definite that he was done with two as well. I think sometimes people just know. For him, it was a matter of finances and not having a totally crazy household. If it were up to me, I would have been open to up to 4 kids.

My DH is also pretty sure he's done with two, like ready to get snipped done. I'm terribly upset about it because I am 100% sure I want at least one more. We agreed that nothing irreversible will be done until we are both 35. So I've got some time to change his mind. 

I really hope that one of us gets on board with the others plan, if not I could see it being a huge obstacle in our marriage down the road.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

watercolor5

My brother is 6 years older.  He's a doctor, so once he got done with med school and I finished my time in the Army, we both somehow ended up in the same stage of life, with babies at the same time.  I got the benefit of a mentor/parent-figure when I was younger, and get the benefit of more of a friend relationship now. 

I'd just keep an open dialogue with your husband.  If you're both honest with your feelings, you'll make the right decisions for your family.

kelbel527

hmp1 said:

My parents have 4 kids spaced out so my sister is 13 years older than me, I'm the youngest. She left for college before I even started school so I don't have a lot of childhood memories with her except holidays. But we talk/email/text almost daily now. Our adult relationship is so awesome even though we are still at very different stages in life, her kids are going off to college now. If we have another kid, it will be a much larger age difference than James and Leo. The only thing that worries me about that is that I might feel the need to quickly have a fourth so they both have a close sibling, lol. But I know that adult life is much longer than childhood and at that point your closest sibling is based on common interests more so than age.

This is exactly how I feel too!  That's why I always say we may have 4.  Because if our 3rd is a large age gap from Aedan, I'd probably want to have a 4th close in age there as well.  

I 100% agree that age gap isn't an issue for the kiddos (like I said, it's more about whether I want to "start over" in 7 years)  And even in childhood, I played more with my brother who was 3 years younger than my sister who was 15m older.  Her & I just never clicked.  Now that we're adults, all three of us get along great.

kelbel527

AKB090609 said:

melody921 said:

My DH is also pretty sure he's done with two, like ready to get snipped done. I'm terribly upset about it because I am 100% sure I want at least one more. We agreed that nothing irreversible will be done until we are both 35. So I've got some time to change his mind. 

I really hope that one of us gets on board with the others plan, if not I could see it being a huge obstacle in our marriage down the road.

This is my fear as well.  I'm worried that I could resent him if down the road if I really want more.  

That said - we're very open and honest in our relationship and he 100% knows that I'm not sure we're done.  So I am hoping it never gets to the point of resentment (in either direction).

Right now, we're just at a standstill and I'm not pushing it because it's not something I want to decide on until we've finished building our house.  Since I'd prefer to adopt anyway, technically he could get snipped tomorrow and it would be fine.  But at some point we're going to have to sit down and make a decision together.  

In the meantime I just keep reminding him how our 4th bedroom at the new house is our future child's bedroom.    I'm really subtle.

smb+jab

I think there comes advantages to whatever the age difference between your children is - it just depends on who you talk to.  

That and a happy childhood from what i had seen the siblings that aren't close as children and / or adults are those whose childhood weren't great for whatever reason (or families weren't happy).  Both my husband and his best friend from when he was little are this way.  both are 2.5 - 3 years a part from their siblings (DH has a younger brother and his friend a younger sister) and they could really care less about each other at times...  DH's brother is only interested in him when its convenient or makes him look good and his friend sister is similar, in showing up a family events (i.e weddings, showers birthday parties) and tries to draw the attention to her.

as for our family we are done at one (i cannot carry another baby due the pain i was in from my headaches).  I often have guilt over my son not having a sibling, as my brother and i extremely close.  i am hoping he will meet a lovely girl, get married and pop out a kid so then that cousins will be like being siblings!! 

melody921

I'm getting so tired of clutter in our house that I want to seriously comb through the kids' toys and get rid of a bunch of stuff. I feel like they'll never even know. But then I feel bad throwing away something that DS enjoyed that DD hasn't gotten to use yet.

tinyhumantoe

watercolor5 said:

While I was writing my last post, I realized that Julia had crawled into the bathroom.  Sophia kept saying what I thought was "Julia touched the bath" but what was actually "Julia touched the brush!"... Yeah.  She had knocked over the toilet brush and was getting all wet from the nasty water the brush was sitting in.  Surprise bathtime for this MOTY.

Oh shit!  haha!  That is hilarous, and disgusting!

tyrannasaurusjess

melody921 said:

I'm getting so tired of clutter in our house that I want to seriously comb through the kids' toys and get rid of a bunch of stuff. I feel like they'll never even know. But then I feel bad throwing away something that DS enjoyed that DD hasn't gotten to use yet.

This is me too!

This is a lame one. My 10 year old has been playing clash of clans on his iPod, and asked if I'd start playing so I could join his clan. I finally broke down and strted it last night and I'm kind of addicted now. It's basically like FarmVille, but with canons and ogres and the like.

hmp1

I think I might cry over a t-shirt. I ordered Leo's birthday shirt on 9/3 and it still isn't here  I just emailed them to see if they have a tracking number, but the party is tomorrow morning and my mail already came. I have a green plain shirt so I think I will just make an iron on tonight. FFFC, I will probably steal their design.

kelbel527

melody921 said:

I'm getting so tired of clutter in our house that I want to seriously comb through the kids' toys and get rid of a bunch of stuff. I feel like they'll never even know. But then I feel bad throwing away something that DS enjoyed that DD hasn't gotten to use yet.

What about packing it away and bringing it out later?  

We packed a ton of the kids toys during the move / apartment living.  But then I remembered the other day how much DS1 loved Mr. Potato Head at this age.  We have a ton of stuff in a box somewhere.  We're now going to dig out some of those toys, but pack up the ones in the apartment right now instead.

MommaP12

kelbel527 said:

OK - I have a confession sparked by the sparkle shoe post.  It's tl;dr

I'm worried that we may not have any more kids and some day will regret that decision and potentially resent DH since he's the one who feels we're done.  

I have moments where I am certain I can't handle anymore kids.  Then I have moments where I really think a 3rd (or even 4th lol) would be a great addition to our family.  My head tells me that having a 3rd child would really stretch our budget and probably our patience for awhile, but my heart tells me that we have so much more love to give.  And I know DH is not on board with more.  I don't know how he can be so certain.  

And I know that it's not something that I need to decide immediately, but my original plan was to adopt our future child or children from China.  The wait list is so long right now, that even if we decided today to move forward, there would likely be a 7 year gap between our kids, which I don't know if that's something I could do anymore.

@kelbel527 I'm glad you posted this.  First, hugs to you.

I am about 75% feeling "done" where as DH is 100%.   I know I'll get to 100% but I'm not there yet.  I always wanted 3.  Twins run in my family big time (my sisters are twins) and I was kind of hoping to have twins when I was pregnant with DD so I'd have my 3 regardless of my own thoughts.   Like @melody921 said there are so many days for me where the kids are crazy, work is crazy and I can barely keep up what I'm doing that I think it's nuts to go for 3 so we likely won't but it's hard letting go of that.  

There is an orphanage in our town and I dream of going there and taking in all the kids. I'm scared to foster for the same reasons you are - I love really fast and hard and would just die if I was caring for a kid and they ended up going back to their crack addict mom just because she was clean for a few weeks (something along those lines happened to a friend of a friend who fostered, heartbreaking).

You aren't alone in these thoughts/feelings!

melody921

kelbel527 said:

melody921 said:

I'm getting so tired of clutter in our house that I want to seriously comb through the kids' toys and get rid of a bunch of stuff. I feel like they'll never even know. But then I feel bad throwing away something that DS enjoyed that DD hasn't gotten to use yet.

What about packing it away and bringing it out later?  

We packed a ton of the kids toys during the move / apartment living.  But then I remembered the other day how much DS1 loved Mr. Potato Head at this age.  We have a ton of stuff in a box somewhere.  We're now going to dig out some of those toys, but pack up the ones in the apartment right now instead.

Yeah, I did that with some stuff and then forgot it was in boxes. Even our storage space is tight at this point.

Hyaline

As the "I can be done now" person in the relationship, I feel for both parties on the "when to be done having kids" decision.*  It's really hard knowing I'm letting DH down when he says he wants more; at the same time, if one person isn't on board with that idea, I really don't think it's a good path for the family to go down.  I also think that it's easy to look at the decision in terms of not having more kids is giving something up, having more kids is gaining something, but there are a lot of things we would give up temporarily or permanently by choosing to have another baby (or more).

Part of the reason I want to be one and done is actually because we are seriously considering fostering or potentially foster-to-adopt in the future, and I do want to be done with the biological kid tiny stage before that so I can give a fairer split of attention to a foster kid who would need it.

I might change my mind.  I might decide in a couple years to start all over with the baby stage.  But gun to my head right now, decide to have more or be done? I'd choose being done.

*(Geez, I really am the dude and he's the lady in our relationship.)

bosha711

@flamingemu - missed your reason for going out on STD - I hope everything's ok!

My ILs are here & I'm hiding in the basement b/c I have "so" much work to do.

I keep getting these big zits between my nose & upper lip. As soon as one goes away, another pops up. WTF?

Holly_1007

Not a confession. When H left he took the boys SS cards and is now saying he doesn't have them. He also took the marriage license and is saying he doesn't have that as well. I know that I can file for new copies but 1. I have to pay for them and 2. It's the principal. He doesn't need those things. He has never once used or touched them in his life. On the one hand I don't want drama between us, but I really wish he would just stop being an asshat and give them back.

MRoxy0628

bosha711 said:

@flamingemu - missed your reason for going out on STD - I hope everything's ok!

My ILs are here & I'm hiding in the basement b/c I have "so" much work to do.

I keep getting these big zits between my nose & upper lip. As soon as one goes away, another pops up. WTF?

Try to Google search what it means when you get zits in certain areas. 

MRoxy0628

Holly_1007 said:

Not a confession. When H left he took the boys SS cards and is now saying he doesn't have them. He also took the marriage license and is saying he doesn't have that as well. I know that I can file for new copies but 1. I have to pay for them and 2. It's the principal. He doesn't need those things. He has never once used or touched them in his life. On the one hand I don't want drama between us, but I really wish he would just stop being an asshat and give them back.

Why would he take them? (Not saying he didn't, I'm curious why he did)  Is he being a jerk about things (e.g. taking the lawn mower and SS cards), because he doesn't want to be separated and he's trying to punish you or that's just how he is?  Sorry to be nosy and I'm sorry you're dealing with him acting this way. 

Holly_1007

MRoxy0628 said:

Holly_1007 said:

Not a confession. When H left he took the boys SS cards and is now saying he doesn't have them. He also took the marriage license and is saying he doesn't have that as well. I know that I can file for new copies but 1. I have to pay for them and 2. It's the principal. He doesn't need those things. He has never once used or touched them in his life. On the one hand I don't want drama between us, but I really wish he would just stop being an asshat and give them back.

Why would he take them? (Not saying he didn't, I'm curious why he did)  Is he being a jerk about things (e.g. taking the lawn mower and SS cards), because he doesn't want to be separated and he's trying to punish you or that's just how he is?  Sorry to be nosy and I'm sorry you're dealing with him acting this way. 

he says he doesn't have the SS cards. I really don't know why he would take them. I *think* he took the marriage license to try to prevent me from filing for divorce (I need an original to file) but I can get a new one at city hall I just have to pay. He took the lawn mower because he uses it to cut his friends grass. He originally said he would do mine for the rest of the summer, then didn't. I'm not really sure what's going through his head.

bosha711

MRoxy0628 said:

bosha711 said:

@flamingemu - missed your reason for going out on STD - I hope everything's ok!

My ILs are here & I'm hiding in the basement b/c I have "so" much work to do.

I keep getting these big zits between my nose & upper lip. As soon as one goes away, another pops up. WTF?

Try to Google search what it means when you get zits in certain areas. 

Interesting - I never knew certain zits could have different causes. Thanks!

kelbel527

@MommaP12 - Hugs to you lady!  I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way.  And I always wish I could just go into an orphanage and just give all the kiddos a home.

tyrannasaurusjess

Holly_1007 said:

MRoxy0628 said:

Holly_1007 said:

Not a confession. When H left he took the boys SS cards and is now saying he doesn't have them. He also took the marriage license and is saying he doesn't have that as well. I know that I can file for new copies but 1. I have to pay for them and 2. It's the principal. He doesn't need those things. He has never once used or touched them in his life. On the one hand I don't want drama between us, but I really wish he would just stop being an asshat and give them back.

Why would he take them? (Not saying he didn't, I'm curious why he did)  Is he being a jerk about things (e.g. taking the lawn mower and SS cards), because he doesn't want to be separated and he's trying to punish you or that's just how he is?  Sorry to be nosy and I'm sorry you're dealing with him acting this way. 

he says he doesn't have the SS cards. I really don't know why he would take them. I *think* he took the marriage license to try to prevent me from filing for divorce (I need an original to file) but I can get a new one at city hall I just have to pay. He took the lawn mower because he uses it to cut his friends grass. He originally said he would do mine for the rest of the summer, then didn't. I'm not really sure what's going through his head.

Maybe he purposely took the marriage license, and the SS cards came with on accident. Since he doesn't want to admit he has the marriage license, he prob can't fess up to the SS cards, either. 

Do your kiddos go to daycare? You could tell him you need to get a new set of cards for updated records, and he needs to pay half. He may miraculously find them amidst his stuff!

I hope your situation gets easier as you go along!

Flamingemu

bosha711 said:

@flamingemu - missed your reason for going out on STD - I hope everything's ok!

My ILs are here & I'm hiding in the basement b/c I have "so" much work to do.

I keep getting these big zits between my nose & upper lip. As soon as one goes away, another pops up. WTF?

I have to have essentially an invasive D&C to get rid of the scarring that L left me after birth. Hopefully that will right everything and I can actually TTC. Bonus, some forced time off, marathon tv watching, and some more bump time!

BPer

I've lost all interest in losing the last few pounds of baby weight, and in my original goal of being wedding day skinny again.

jenndub

Holly_1007 said:

Not a confession. When H left he took the boys SS cards and is now saying he doesn't have them. He also took the marriage license and is saying he doesn't have that as well. I know that I can file for new copies but 1. I have to pay for them and 2. It's the principal. He doesn't need those things. He has never once used or touched them in his life. On the one hand I don't want drama between us, but I really wish he would just stop being an asshat and give them back.

I would let this one go. It's total bullshit and it sucks, but I would save the fight for something bigger. I have replaced Emma's birth certificate twice because my ex needed it for something and then never returned it. And said both times that he had already given it back. He might just be looking for attention, don't give it to him. Or maybe he's doing it to make you made so you'll fight with him and he can convince himself that you're a bitch. My ex mistreated me for years and then tried really hard to make himself believe that I was the bad guy for a few years. We're in a much better place now, but he still drives me crazy sometimes. Good luck and I'm sorry that you're dealing with all of this.

bosha711

Flamingemu said:

bosha711 said:

@flamingemu - missed your reason for going out on STD - I hope everything's ok!

My ILs are here & I'm hiding in the basement b/c I have "so" much work to do.

I keep getting these big zits between my nose & upper lip. As soon as one goes away, another pops up. WTF?

I have to have essentially an invasive D&C to get rid of the scarring that L left me after birth. Hopefully that will right everything and I can actually TTC. Bonus, some forced time off, marathon tv watching, and some more bump time!

Thanks for sharing! Big hugs to you & FX the procedure is sucessful!

27boo

hmp1 said:

I think I might cry over a t-shirt. I ordered Leo's birthday shirt on 9/3 and it still isn't here  I just emailed them to see if they have a tracking number, but the party is tomorrow morning and my mail already came. I have a green plain shirt so I think I will just make an iron on tonight. FFFC, I will probably steal their design.

I ordered DD a "Most Awesome Sister" shirt from Carter's last Friday after our ultrasound was good. My plan was to change her into it after cake and presents at her party today. I paid for 3 day shipping and UPS freaking lost it. It's probably just sitting in their distribution center here in town. Grrr. I decided to make one last night. Walmart only had plain long sleeve shirts and it's supposed to be 95 today. I bought a pkg of tank top undershirts. I think it looks okay...but it's not the same. :-(