Dear birthmother letter from birthmom

CarolinaGirl2014

A's parents have asked me to write a "dear birthmother" letter because they have decided to start the adoption process again. A loves other kids so very much and lights up around them, and it's very important to all of us that she have a sibling. I agreed to do it because I so desperately want this for A and know it might help. I want your feedback. What do you love? What could I cut out? It seems so long but I tried to base it on what's important to me as a birthmom. Be honest! Thanks!

Dear Expectant Mom,

First, please know that I am praying for you and my heart aches for the painful decision you’re making. I remember being there, and I know that no one completely gets what you’re going through. I know people keep telling you how much they respect you for making such a selfless decision, and you probably don’t know that to do with that; I didn’t and still don’t. But I will tell you this: creating my daughter, giving birth to her, choosing adoption, and choosing D and G to be her parents has been the best thing I’ve done with my life. Every picture I get, update I read, and visit I have with her reaffirms that by choosing adoption, I have given her everything I imagined but couldn’t do for her. She is happy, and she has a Mom and Dad that love her more than life itself and are always present for her.

It warms my heart to see the adoration in A’s eyes for her Daddy and the way she lights up when he enters the room. I love seeing all the time that D spends with her and knowing that when she needed it, D was willing and able to take a sabbatical from work to care for her. These are things I couldn’t have done for her. I love that D makes all her organic food from scratch and puts hours of research into providing A the best educational material, the most up-to-date safety precautions, the most non-toxic products, the healthiest food choices.

All that to say, I love D and G. We have become family. You can rest assured that if trust them with your baby, they will follow through with what they say. The early days of adoption aren’t easy for anyone involved, but they stuck by me to work out the fantastic relationship we have now. They have always put A before themselves, which is all I think I could ask for as a birthmom.

I pray that A gets a sibling, and know that adoption is the route for that to happen. In the darkest days of my life my siblings have been a source of strength and unconditional love and friendship. I know that when our parents are gone I will have them, and I want that so desperately for A. She lights up around other children and is so happy laughing, playing, and loving on them.

I want you to know that should you choose adoption for your baby and choose this family for him or her, you will gain their entire family. You can know from experience that they will stay true to their word. You’ll also gain me as a friend and confidant so that you don’t have to go through it alone. Your baby will be loved beyond what you can imagine and given every opportunity you could ask for. He or she will have an older sister with more love than I’ve ever seen in a child, and will never live life alone.

with love,

C

Dr.Loretta

CarolinaGirl2014 said:

I cut out a good part of it. While the paragraph about organic food, etc. is important for you, it may not be important to everyone. Some other parts just seemed like they might put too much pressure or expectations on an e-mom. While you have a great relationship wtih D&G, there's no guarantee that she will have, or even want, a similar relationship. Similarly, I don't know if she may feel pressured to have a relationship with you. I just wanted to give you some context to what I cut out.

 

Dear Expectant Mom, <?xml:namespace prefix = o />

First, please know that I am praying for you and my heart aches for the painful decision you’re making. I remember being there, and I know that no one completely gets what you’re going through. I will tell you this: creating my daughter, giving birth to her, choosing adoption, and choosing D and G to be her parents has been the best thing I’ve done with my life. Every picture I get, update I read, and visit I have with her reaffirms that by choosing adoption, I have given her everything I imagined but couldn’t do for her. She is happy, and she has a Mom and Dad that love her more than life itself and are always present for her.

Not only do I love A with all my heart, but I also love D and G. We have become family. The early days of adoption aren’t easy for anyone involved, but they stuck by me to work out the fantastic relationship we have now. They have always put A at the center, which is all I think I could ask for as a birthmom.

[I can't come up with a closing paragraph, sorry. Maybe something along the lines of wishing her peace with her decision, and to let her know you're thinking about her/praying for her.]

 

with love,

C

Chele

Well your original made me cry. You are such a wonderful birth mom.

CarolinaGirl2014

Thanks, all. This is such uncharted territory!