How much is DH/SO helping out?

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SoSayWeAll

DH does a lot of housework and grocery shopping. Right now he is out getting me the ingredients for lactation cookies :x He also takes DS between feedings. I don't ask him to get up in the MOTN but he usually takes DS for 1-2 hrs in the evening so i can take a nap before the night shift.

Weezy2012

I similarly have a few if those death stare moments (like when DS has been screaming for over an hour on the MOTN and DH is sleeping through the whole thing) but he really does help a lot. It took some working out and a very tired fight on a Friday night but we've discussed it at length. When DH walks in the door after work he has a few minutes to get settled then he spends time with DS. If DS is fussy, I'll soothe while DH makes dinner (he soothes more easily with me) or I will make dinner if DS is content. Before 8ish is daddy time and then we do bedtime/bath time routine together. Once he is down, DH helps clean up after dinner and we relax for a bit. I take care of most of the MOTN stuff because DH gets up very early and has a long commute but he'll usually do the 4:30/5am feed so I can sleep a bit. He also takes DS weekend mornings since he is much more of a morning person so that I can sleep.

For the first few weeks DH was having a really hard time because he had to return to work right after we got back from the hospital. He only saw DS in the evening before bed and he was usually fussy and crying. He got it in his head that DS doesn't like him because he doesn't seemed to be soothed by him but calms down when I hold him. He loves DS more than anything but this all has still affected his bonding/attachment with DS. Now that DS can smile it does help quite a bit. I keep telling him that DS can be just as fussy with me during the day, he just isn't home to see it and that soothing takes a bit of practice to know what DS wants/likes. He will be home alone with DS for 9 weeks so I want him to have confidence before my return to work.

happylady07

I'm a SAHM and ebf, so I do 99% of DS2's care. DH will hold/snuggle him, but I don't wake him at night for help with the baby. He will change a diaper is I ask him to, but I do most of the baby stuff. DH DOES however do a lot for our older son when he is home from work. He helps clean up the potty (we are training), does him bath time if I'm busy with the baby, does bedtime/lays down with DS1 until he falls alseep, and he is always the one to get up and care for him in the middle of the night if he needs it. He also takes him every Saturday morning for a bike ride to the beach and out to lunch so that I get some "away from my toddler" time weekly, it's glorious.

So while he doesn't do much in the care of the baby, or the kitchen/laundry, he does do a lot for DS1, and because I'm a SAHM and he works to provide for us, I think our set up works fine.