45 and terrified I waited too long

gmattalia

Hi everyone,

I'm new to the bump. Quick intro. I'm 45. Just married in June and really really want to have a baby. Feel like our family would not be complete without one. Not sure if this is okay to say, as I know people are probably dealing with a lot of emotions. But that's how I feel.

I really want to try but I'm terrified. I don't know what all these fertility tests and things mean and how to manage financial issues and everything else. Feeling really overwhelmed about it all.

I keep hanging on to my mantra that Geena Davis had twins at 48, but she's a celebrity with tons of money and I am not. I feel like I have so many obstacles I don't even know if it's possible for me now.

I almost feel like people look at me like I'm crazy when I say I'm trying to have a baby at 45. Like I don't have the right to even try. Is anyone else out there TTC or feeling this way? Or does anyone have any success stories or words of encouragement?

lgsdesigner

First-- welcome!

Now, some words of encouragement: We JUST had someone graduate from this board who was 46. She is pregnant now and doing great! In my personal opinion-- if you are ready to have a baby, any age is okay. Just go with it!

Suggestions: Definitely get on Fertility Friend and start charting. Use a basal thermometer to track your temp each morning, and to also track your cervical mucus, etc. This will help you to get in touch with your cycles and see when you ovulate. I would also set up a pre-conception exam/appointment with your OB to make sure you are good to start trying. 

I wish you the best!

bearfootz

I say best of luck to you.  A desire to have a baby can sometimes be an overwhelming urge - it's so exciting to think about adding to your family, but also terrifying wondering if and when it will happen and what struggles you might face.  As far as facing the fertility tests and doctors I think one of the first recommendations I remember reading on here was to read Taking Charge of Your Fertility as it gives a better understanding of how things work - much better than what we were taught back in school!  Then you just take a deep breath and find a good doctor.  I wouldn't assume that you have to jump into fertility treatments, but since age is a concern I would imagine that you'd want to have a consultation and discuss where things are at and what your options are. Don't worry too much about the costs until you are faced with making the decisions. 

As far as words of encouragement, my mother and grandmother were both in the mid-forties when they had their last babies and everything went just fine.  Don't worry about what other people think, you know in your heart what is right.  Best wishes.

Lesliem0901

**BFP Warning**



Hi and welcome.  I just turned 42 and I'm 4.5 weeks along after doing IVF.  It took me 2.5 years with a fertility specialist so I would not wait around. If you and your DH really want this, make it a priority. It was seriously a part-time job for me.  Best of luck to you!

kelley72

Welcome!  Oh how I understand your sentiments!  The suggestions / words of encouragement above are seconded by me, read Taking Charge Of Your Fertility, begin charting (tomorrow).  I wish you well and hope your stay here is short and sweet!

ksgsmu

ticker warning***

Geena Davis used DE but that is another story...

I would make an appointment with an RE right away and get some testing done.  Don't waste any time!  Good luck!

hooligans4

Find a good RE and go from there.
Just to add to what lgsdesigner said- the 46 year old graduate did have to use donor eggs so if you are open to that start the process now. It took our grad over two years to get to where she is.
Welcome and I wish you well.

WinoGrrl

Welcome and good luck! The ladies have good advice

gmattalia

Thank you all for your advice and words of encouragement! I'm sorry I'm so not up to date on this stuff. What is an RE? And DE? Thanks

Also, I don't understand the "warnings."

northernkhaleesi

Welcome!

I have a family member who became a mom for the first time at your age - she used IVF with a donor.

It can happen - begin charting and do some research/reading. You'll find a wealth of educated women here who can answer a lot of questions, but no one will know your body as well as you. That's where the charting comes in.

Good luck!

Mrs.McIrish

Ticker warming:


I'm pregnant after using donor eggs at 40. My eggs were bad at 37. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but at 45, you have a very low chance of getting pregnant with your own eggs --or staying pregnant due to the large number of chromosomally abnormal eggs in older women. You can absolutely try for a baby using donor eggs. Geena Davis and lots of the over 40 Hollywood ladies did not get pregnant with their eggs. It's a "dirty little secret" they don't mention and it give false hope to the general public who think they can get pregnant too. It is extremely difficult to get pregnant with a "normal" baby after 43 for most (and hard for lots of us even earlier). I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but any reproductive endocrinologist will tell you this.

tlc35

gmattalia said:

Thank you all for your advice and words of encouragement! I'm sorry I'm so not up to date on this stuff. What is an RE? And DE? Thanks

Also, I don't understand the "warnings."

A RE is a reproductive endocrinologist and DE are donor eggs.

Warnings are part of board etiquette.  Since this is a trying to get pregnant board, when graduates who are pregnant post they post siggy or ticker warning because they often have a ticker saying how far along they are in their signature.  If you are on mobile you can't see siggys so that might be confusing.

As far as advice listen to @Mrs.McIrish.  She is wise.

hooligans4

DE is donor eggs and RE is reproductive endocrinologist.
Some woman put a warning in the beginning of their post if they have a pregnancy ticker or if they mention a loss or pregnancy. Unfortunately those subjects are hard to handle for some of us and it lets us know to scroll past their post.
You will get a hang of the lingo soon and if you ever have a question don't ever hesitate to ask.

BeckyP005

***BFP in siggy***


Everyone has given you great advice and I would set up an appt with an RE (reproductive endocrinologist) ASAP like they mentioned so they can start some basic testing.

I'm chuckling...I'm the 46 yr old lol. It only took 3 yrs because I started at one clinic and had all the testing done and then switched clinics and had to redo tests. I was on a waiting list for a donor for over a year and some other stuff. Local clinic that didn't have a great donor pool and I also did a "shared" cycle with another couple. I suggest you travel to a good clinic if you go that route.

Best of luck to you!!

kindershlitz

Welcome- there has been lots of good advice posted.  There is also a newbie thread at the very top of the board discussions that gives etiquette and defines acronyms.  Good luck on your journey and congrats on your recent marriage.  

ewenner

The ladies here are very wise, and don't have anything to add, but I did want to welcome you and say that I wish you the best on your journey, wherever it leads you.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

wannabmama23

I don't have any advice to add, but I have welcome you and to give an internet high five to the women who have responded so far--such good advice and information! I love when these boards work like this. Hugs all around

lcwed

You got tons of great advice from the ladies here. I just wanted to say welcome and good luck.

URMySunshine77

You've received some awesome advice already. I just want to say good luck to you.

KateLouise

Welcome.

I just wanted to share a good news story. A woman I know got pregnant at 45, without any medical assistance. Her husband hadn't wanted kids, and then one day (when she was 45) suddenly said, "let's have kids." So they went for it.

Like others have said, obviously these stories are not the norm, but it can happen.

Either way get a good RE and consider all your options.

Best wishes to you!!

thirtyninetoforty

Welcome!  It's never too late...I echo everyone's words especially going directly to RE.  Good luck!

Davie813

Everyone has given good advice, so--welcome!  Best wishes no matter what you decide to do.

Momona1

Welcome from a June 2014 bride!

Good luck!

gmattalia

Thank you all for kind words! I've been obsessed with reading everything available book out there. My insurance kicks in Oct 1 so I'll go for my regular gyno appt then and ask for a referral. It turns out my plan doesn't cover infertility (and I haven't been diagnosed with it so I may be getting ahead of myself. But hopefully at least it will cover the consult!

I actually feel way better than I did yesterday. Have a new outlook on it all today. You've all been a big help!

C_Girlie

Lol I'm 38 & I feel like I waited too long. But anyway I wish you lots of luck, hey you never know

Mrs.McIrish

gmattalia said:

Thank you all for kind words! I've been obsessed with reading everything available book out there. My insurance kicks in Oct 1 so I'll go for my regular gyno appt then and ask for a referral. It turns out my plan doesn't cover infertility (and I haven't been diagnosed with it so I may be getting ahead of myself. But hopefully at least it will cover the consult!

I actually feel way better than I did yesterday. Have a new outlook on it all today. You've all been a big help!

I don't want to be the bearer of more bad news but most insurers who do cover inferility have an age cut off of 40-44... They consider anything above that to be age related IF which is expected as a matter of nature. Also, The actual procurement of donor eggs, agency fees etc is never covered. DE is expensive--- but a big range depending on how you do it --$15K to $50k. Check out the 3rd Party Repro board if you are interested in more info.

ProcessofBecoming

BFP/Ticker warning...

Just wanted to chime in and say that the ladies here have given you excellent advice. I am 8 months pregnant and just turned 43 a few days ago. I can only attribute this pregnancy to "pure dumb luck" and perhaps genetics (women in my family have pretty much all had kids into their mid- to late 40s). But I think my situation is more the exception than the rule at this stage of the game.

If I were just starting this journey now, I'd head right to an RE and find out where I likely stood, fertility wise. I'm also a big fan of the "trippy hippy stuff" like acupuncture, chinese herbs, supplements, and stuff like that. I used all of this when I got pregnant with my first son. There's a good reference book on Amazon called "The Infertility Cure" that had a lot of useful information for me. 

Wishing you the very best of luck and congratulations on your marriage!

vh2014

My OB's daughter just had another child at 46... he laughed (in a good way) when I told him I knew I was "old" (I'm 41 but was 40 at my last appointment).  It really put me at ease.  He told me about his daughter just to let me know that it could be done and everyone was different and we would worry if I wasn't back to see him in 6 months for prenatal care.  So, like PP have said your journey will be your own and there is definitely hope. Hope your TTC journey is a short one and you "graduate" to the next set of boards soon!

verdongirl

Best of luck,@gmattalia and congrats on your nuptials. We just celebrated our first anniversary in April, so we are pretty newly wed as well. xo

Don't want to hijack your thread with a question, but my ears perked up when someone said eggs decline at 37? What are the symptoms/signs of egg decline? How would one know?