For those choosing not to breastfeed..

cookiemonsterr

Anyone out there choosing not to breastfeed? Feel comfortable sharing what led you to make that decision? Emphasis on the choosing. I know many can not for medical reasons, but interested to know if there are still people out there who say "hey.. it's not for me!" 

(Not meant to start a debate on breastfeeding VS. not breastfeeding.. We are all aware of all the great benefits of breastfeeding!)

P.S. Kraft mac and cheese at 10:30 am and absolutely no regrets. 

acac104

I am choosing not to breast feed at the moment, however I am a FTM so I am open to the fact that this may change after I have the baby. For me, the main reason is I am really looking forward to my body being completely my own again.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

acac104

MrsAngelaMarie said:

acac104 said:

I am choosing not to breast feed at the moment, however I am a FTM so I am open to the fact that this may change after I have the baby. For me, the main reason is I am really looking forward to my body being completely my own again.

I really appreciate you saying this, as I have been feeling the same way, but have felt guilty saying it out loud. 

Absolutely! I think as women we already put too much pressure on ourselves and feel too guilty to openly say how we feel sometimes, so I am going to go ahead and do that. We are very fortunate to live in a place and time where BFing is a choice I think what is more important for me is that my baby has a happy, well adjusted mother because I think babies pick up emotions from their parents and I believe the benefit of having a positive early life can last a life time.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

leoandethansmom

Ok I don't fit in here because I am going to BF and I did with my first, but, I can completely understand wanting your body to be completely yours again. BFing is a lifestyle in and of itself, it takes a lot of work, dedication, and effort and I would be lying if I said I didn't cry about it for weeks after I had DS. After giving our bodies to baby for 10 months it is totally understandable wanting to have your own body back. No judgement on the non BF here, it's not for everyone and it is definitely a huge commitment.

abenson3

Love and feed your baby no matter how.  Never feel guilty about that!!

aksue22

I chose not to BF because I'm going to be a working mom and it's one thing to close my office door and pump, it's another thing to be on the road to a hearing, or in a hearing/meeting/dep/etc and have to interrupt to pump. 

Also, I've never experienced the pressure to BF.  My mom didn't, H's mom didn't, my SIL didn't.  And I've read that the difference is negligible.  (To be honest, the only reason I considered BF was because of the potential weight loss benefits.)  I guess it's all about convenience for me.

hprice3467

I'm still debating it - I plan to get the free breast pump from my insurance and try to pump.  I'm not interested in BFing however I think pumping is a possibility.  The idea of BFing is 'yucky'.  I know that is ridiculously immature.  But I just can't wrap my mind around the idea of it.  HOWEVER we can't afford formula.  SO... for now pumping is the plan.  My mother isn't supportive of BFing so I think that is also why it is not appealing to me.  

AND my boobs hurt sooooo bad right now - I can't imagine how bad they will hurt once I start pumping and/or decide to try BFing. 

nesenotes

Raises hand. It's just not for me. I will pump though and give that a good try. I only lasted a few days pumping last time because she was having some kind of reaction to something in my milk. She would scream! But with formula was a little more calm. And frankly after having GD and needing insulin I was tired of restricting and didn't want to weed out a bunch of shit to figure out wth she didn't like in my milk. So formula it was.

Also the BF didn't work for me because it hurt!! And my nipples were all cracked and it hurt! And I would stress out about the latch and it was too much.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

JunkieBrewster

while I can, for medical reasons I am choosing not to. I am on some medications, that cause immune suppression.
2 of them combined, put you at risk for a fatal type of cancer.
While a lot of people on these medications choose to breastfeed, I am NOT one of those people.
I am ok with putting myself at risk, but not my child.

abenson3

@hprice3467 & @MrsAngelaMarie

I EPed with my DD and many will warn you that it is the worst of both worlds; however, I loved it.  It gave me the freedom to have others feed my child.  I pumped ever 3 hours around the clock, right after bottle feeding DD.  But I did give myself a 6 hour sleeping stretch.  My DH would get up and feed her pumped milk and I would sleep.  My supply had no problems keeping up, but she was a preemie and started out taking very little.  If either of you decide that is the route for you and have questions, please feel free to PM with questions about logistics.  However, do what works best for you and your LO!

Beevol

I was one of those unicorns who didn't have any problems BFing the first time around (but I had all day nausea and hyper-emesis during the pregnancy, so you can't hate me that much) and I loved it/lost a bunch of weight easily/blah blah blah, but... honestly, with some of the research I've seen about how breastmilk transmits all of the environmental toxins (gasoline fumes, paint fumes, plastics, etc) to the baby, I'm almost wondering if formula feeding might not be the healthier choice... The research is all super niche/tiny/new so it's not a thing yet, but it just sticks in my craw when people get on their high horse about how much healthier BF is and how you're a bad mom or some other BS if you don't. 

You got to do you. My DH was formula fed and he is healthy as an ox, has a master's degree, and is generally a very successful adult. Good moms do what is best for themselves and their families; if you don't take care of yourself, then you can't take care of others.

Shortstack06

@abenson3 I may take you up on this, I am thinking of doing this route.

I am still in the air about formula because of the cost of formula and child care with diapers, if I will continue to work and if my income would actually be worth it(again).  I like the idea of formula because I don't want leaky boobs and obviously it will happen but the quicker weight loss and health benefits for baby are enticing for BF.  So I am still debating.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

AllTheTeaInChina

I BF and plan to again but can understand wanting your body back.  With DD, my plan was to BF until she was 1 then wean so I could have a break for six months until we starting TTC again.  That was the plan.  When we hit the 1yr mark, I wasn't ready to be done and neither was DD.  I got pregnant and continued to BF until she self weaned just before her 2nd birthday. 

If you are sure that BF isn't for you, I'm not trying to push you into it but if you are on the fence give it a try.  Your feelings may change when your LO is here.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

Cryssteen

I'm under no self-pressure to BF.  I'll give it try.  If it works, cool.  If not, oh well.  What I do know is that I don't want to go back to work and pump.  As a nurse, it's just too tough to devote the time, and I don't have anywhere to store it.. So, regardless, I'll want to be weaned by 12 weeks... 

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

mlee116

Like other PP's, I don't really belong in here because I BF and I do think it is a great thing to do if you can.  However, it is really damn hard sometimes and I don't judge moms who don't want to do it.  

I agree with @leosmom25 in that it is a lifestyle and takes a lot of commitment.  It was hard for me at times to be the only one who could feed DS.  Even if DH gave him a bottle, I still had to pump.  And pumping at work was hard and I actually had a really great boss who did everything she could to support me.  But a lot of other women aren't so lucky.  I wonder sometimes how teachers/nurses/women who travel a lot do it.  I think you just have to do what is best for you and be confident in your decision.  

leoandethansmom

twolittledogs said:

I'm only going to add that pumping full time is way more work than breastfeeding directly.  It might sound nice, but it's a constant cycle of hooking up, pumping, unhooking, transferring milk, making bottles, cleaning up, starting over.

However, you do what's best in your situation.

This is SO true. I BF DS when I was home and I pumped at work, Luckily I have an office so it wasn't terrible trying to find somewhere to go. It sucked lugging the bag to and from work every day, I had to buy a mini fridge to keep the milk in my office (cuz who wants to see that in the community fridge?), had to wash the parts in the community bathroom, etc. but it was still worth it to me.

leoandethansmom

NandaB said:

twolittledogs said:

I'm only going to add that pumping full time is way more work than breastfeeding directly.  It might sound nice, but it's a constant cycle of hooking up, pumping, unhooking, transferring milk, making bottles, cleaning up, starting over.

However, you do what's best in your situation.

This is SO true. I BF DS when I was home and I pumped at work, Luckily I have an office so it wasn't terrible trying to find somewhere to go. It sucked lugging the bag to and from work every day, I had to buy a mini fridge to keep the milk in my office (cuz who wants to see that in the community fridge?), had to wash the parts in the community bathroom, etc. but it was still worth it to me.

People at your work were offended by small bottles/bags of milk? I would have happily told them to fuck off if they said something to me.

No, nobody said anything about it, but I work in an office with all men and I just felt more comfortable knowing where my supply was. If you've read any of my work stories, this place is a nut house, I can't trust anyone. We had a man sexually assault one of our mentally challenged employees, there's some weirdos here and I don't know what kind of closet weirdo might have a thing for breast milk.

Shortstack06

@leosmom25‌ if your fridge is big enough, a friend of mine actually said to keep the pump pieces that contact the milk in the fridge so you don't have to wash after every use and maybe every other or once a day.

kimba1976

I maybe don't fit in here either because I breastfed #1 and will attempt to BF this baby. That being said, motherhood is really, really hard and I can barely keep my head above water most days. So who the hell am I to judge how any woman chooses to feed her baby. Moms that choose not to BF for whatever reason have my full support. I hate to think that any woman feels judged for her choice in this day and age.

kimba1976

Sorry - edited to delete double post...

leoandethansmom

I am also not trying to spark any type of debate. I am agreeing with everyone here actually. Are you going to BF or not? Either one is the right answer. Only you can decide what is right for you and your LO whether that's BF, EP, or formula or any combination of the three. I am an advocate for BF and I will offer my experience and advice to anyone who asks for it, but I'm not going to shove it down anyone's throats. I was simply explaining the situation I went through, good and bad, to offer insight to an FTM that may be on the fence or may be in a similar situation to me. I'm not trying to lump anyone in with me or my opinions. I personally preferred BF to pumping because it was easier and faster but again, that's my personal opinion. I'm sorry if anyone was offended by anything I said, I did it my way and it worked for me.

jaymee1021

As a FTM I haven't had any desire to breastfeed. At first I said I was going to only because I felt like I would be judged for at least not trying, and I felt guilty for willingly giving up a much cheaper option. But the further along this pregnancy has gotten I decided I need to do what I feel is best for me and my little guy and I am not going to BF. My husband is completely okay with whatever I choose especially since he will get to be more involved in the feedings. I think it is just either something that works for you or not and everyone should do what they feel is the right fit for their family!

esr9435

I've said all along I will bf, but now I'm starting to give myself a little wiggle room. I've experienced serious anxiety with this pregnancy and my dr said that it will likely get worse postpartum. Knowing that, I refuse to put more pressure on myself than necessary especially not knowing what to expect with a newborn as a FTM.

I'll definitely give it a good try, but if it doesn't work out, I will happily use formula. I'll move on to enjoying wine and my body feeling like mine again as well as enjoying being a new mom

kimba1976

leosmom25 said:

I am also not trying to spark any type of debate. I am agreeing with everyone here actually. Are you going to BF or not? Either one is the right answer. Only you can decide what is right for you and your LO whether that's BF, EP, or formula or any combination of the three. I am an advocate for BF and I will offer my experience and advice to anyone who asks for it, but I'm not going to shove it down anyone's throats. I was simply explaining the situation I went through, good and bad, to offer insight to an FTM that may be on the fence or may be in a similar situation to me. I'm not trying to lump anyone in with me or my opinions. I personally preferred BF to pumping because it was easier and faster but again, that's my personal opinion. I'm sorry if anyone was offended by anything I said, I did it my way and it worked for me.

I don't see one thing that you said that was judgmental or unsupportive. 

AngelSong76

People have so many different experiences with breastfeeding.  It's one of those things (like pregnancy) that are such a mystery because you never know how it's going to be for you until it happens.  I don't want to breastfeed.  It was a miserable experience with our first and it was the sole contributor to my PPD (which basically meant I cried all the time for the entire 2 months I tried to breastfeed.)  My milk never really came in properly.  I had a little, but it was never enough.  I tried all the tricks and tips, saw a lactation consultant, and ultimately decided to supplement with formula because we were one percentage point away from failure to thrive at his 1 month doctor checkup.  After a month of supplementation, we switched to formula exclusively, and while I felt badly about not being able to breastfeed longer, it was like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders.  

I didn't enjoy it.  He didn't enjoy it.  He was always hungry and I was never able to give him enough food.  

And honestly, if it were solely up to me, I wouldn't even attempt it this time, because it just was a horrible experience for me.  But my husband asked me if I would try.  (said he would understand if I didn't want to, but said that he would like it if I would try for a few weeks)  So I'm going to try again.  I've heard it can be very different with different babies, so I'm hoping that will be the case for us.

Either way, it won't extend past maternity leave, because there's just no way I can see to pump at work with my job.  

I don't want to deter anyone with my story of how much I disliked it, but I think it's valuable to know that it's not easy for everyone and that sometimes you just can't do it.  (Or you just don't want to for whatever reason)  And that's okay too.  

aksue22

 

NandaB said:

Also, for those of you interested in pumping, know that it doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can pump/bf some and give formula for other feedings. Then you get some of the health/cost benefits of breastmilk w/out so much stress. I used to teach with a woman who would BF before school, go home for lunch & bf (or pump at school) and bf after school (or pump if she had to stay late) other feedings during work time were formula.

This is good to know, thanks!

JRod13

I'm choosing not to, because I don't want to. I thought I wanted to with DS, then he was born and I just wasn't into it at all. Happy mom is better than breastfed baby as far as I'm concerned. I know I'll be miserable. Gotta know your limits.

JennaRaek

As a STM, I'm going to try to BF DD. If I can't, no big deal to me. Honestly, the main reasons I want to are because formula is effing expensive, it helped me lose the pregnancy weight with DS fast and because it is good for the baby. I agree with wanting your body back to yourself. I totally get that.I felt the same way with DS. (I wanted to have a few beers with DH and not worry about it!) I only lasted BFing for about 5 weeks with him. I was so stressed out as a first time mom and I was trying to BF and pump to get a stash built up for when I returned to work and that's ALL I was doing. Either pumping or BFing. It was consuming my life and I would cry while pumping because of it. Once DS started eating a little bit more I was only pumping enough to get maybe 1-2 bottles a head of him and it was stressing me out even more. I thought - there's no way I can ever leave this kid because he's going to starve! It was too much. I started supplementing and everything got easier. And then DS would puke only after he had my breast milk. So that was when I called it quits. It was the best thing that I ever decided. I felt so bad for quitting and I shouldn't have. DS is a very smart, happy little guy!! He's doing great. I'm going to try BFing this time around but like I said - no hard feelings if it doesn't happen. I'm going to be SAH so that will help. We'll see!  Good luck to everyone - no matter what you decide. If your baby is fed and loved everything will be fine.

amieeyoung

Everyone should do what suits them, their lifestyle and their family. I exclusively breastfed with my first, but I stayed at home for half of that which greatly helped, and had a supportive part-time job after. Once I went full time I stopped (mainly b/c it coincided with a little over 1 yr mark).

This time I work full time so my guess is breastfeed at home, pump at work and plan on having supplemental formula so that if I can't stay ahead I won't stress. So a hybrid I guess??

marriedinaugust

I had never wanted to breastfeed, my mom didn't but my aunts and sister did. I just had no desire. But DH was very pro-breastfeeding and pleaded with me to give it a try and I believe he is allowed to have a bit of a say in it all. I told him I would try but it was HARD! I cried and cried it hurt so bad and DH actually told me to give up after a couple of days. At that point I was like "to hell with that I'm going to figure this out". I made small goals for myself and hit most of them. For unexplained reasons my son just didn't grow on breastmilk so we started supplementing with a tiny bit of formula at 4 months and I was completely done BFing at 7 months. Since then I have become quite crunchy and through cloth diapering joined many CD/BF/BWing groups and have decided I will be BFing again and hopefully surpassing how long I did it with DS. I am of the belief that you do what is best for your situation. I believe that generally breastmilk is nutritionally best for babies (even though it wasn't true for DS) but sometimes other factors outweigh that.

soulcupcake

leosmom25 said:

I am also not trying to spark any type of debate. I am agreeing with everyone here actually. Are you going to BF or not? Either one is the right answer. Only you can decide what is right for you and your LO whether that's BF, EP, or formula or any combination of the three. I am an advocate for BF and I will offer my experience and advice to anyone who asks for it, but I'm not going to shove it down anyone's throats. I was simply explaining the situation I went through, good and bad, to offer insight to an FTM that may be on the fence or may be in a similar situation to me. I'm not trying to lump anyone in with me or my opinions. I personally preferred BF to pumping because it was easier and faster but again, that's my personal opinion. I'm sorry if anyone was offended by anything I said, I did it my way and it worked for me.

:nods:

I'm a huge breastfeeding advocate, and even studied to become a LC years back. I'm passionate about it, but what others do isn't something I concern myself with. I'll happily challenge naysayers when they spout misinformation and misconceptions, especially regarding nursing past a year and NIP, but outside that, meh.

After the initial learning period with my first I started to love breastfeeding. It was tough the first week, but got easier after that. She exclusively breastfed, and made it to 16 months before self-weaning. With my second, it was dreadful for the first 10 weeks due to persistent and very painful thrush. I hated it. I had horrible PPD at the time, but once it was cleared up (thanks to gentian violet), all was smooth and awesome. She, too, self-weaned at 16 months.

Now, with my third. I fucking hated it for months. We had struggles from the start due to his anterior and posterior tongue tie resulting in true insufficient supply and eventually a failure to thrive diagnosis. He almost had to be hospitalized due to dehydration. Posterior tongue tie is extremely hard to detect even by many LCs, and a lot of pediatricians are not familiar with them. Actually, the two I took him to only noticed his anterior (classic) tongue, and the first didn't see a reason to clip it when I first took him in at 5 days old. I found another to clip it at just shy of two weeks, but he didn't see the posterior tongue tie. I had to begin pumping on day 5 because he wasn't transferring milk, and I broke down many times during the first month. By three weeks I was exclusively pumping after meeting with a LC that is a tongue tie expert. She managed to get me in touch with the only two ENTs in my state (only four on the East Coast) that cut posterior tongue ties, at least at that time. The first claimed he didn't see a problem, but the second opinion saw it immediately, and also clipped his labial lip tie.

Even after they were clipped we had struggles. I had a love/hate relationship with pumping. I had oversupply, and I loved seeing him plump up and seeing how much I was producing. But my right breast has a dysfunctional letdown, so it took 45 minutes to get 4-5 oz and it had to be on the highest setting (he also rejected that side). So I had horribly sore and bruised nipples for the better part of 5 months. We struggled for months, and my LC was surprised we lasted a few months. It was awful, but I was pretty damn determined to make it work. I stopped pumping at 5.5 months and weaned my right breast. He nursed from the one side until self-weaning at 21 months.

Eora3

I think I am going to give it a week or so and see how it goes. For one reason or another it just hasn't worked out with my previous two boys. This is my last child so it would be nice if it works out but I am not about to stress about it if it doesn't.

I totally support you ladies feeding your babies however you choose.

Fossegirl1228

I was never 100% into BF even before I got pregnant and after doing my research and talking to moms who did and did not BF I found myself agreeing with the views of the "did not". I don't feel bad about my decision nor do I feel the need to explain myself to relatives/friends who may disagree with me. 

I wasn't BF and I think I turned out pretty awesome and my mom and I have a great relationship. Even though sometimes I want to strangle her. 

MissMeegs

I am happy to see this thread. I was excited to EBF my son, but when he lost a ton of weight a few days post partum, I was informed that I simply wasn't making any milk. I had a little colostrum, but that was it. We switched to formula immediately and I took every supplement and drank dark beer and tried pumping every couple hours, but it was like the pumps were extracting dust from my breasts.

I cried about this for a full week, but then I saw the wonders of FF and never looked back. This time around I'm willing to give it the old college try, but I am tempted to say "eff it" and just FF this one from the get-go. I've been feeling a little guilty about that, but I don't know if I emotionally can go through the struggle of trying and failing again.

SoxFan777

twolittledogs said:

I'm only going to add that pumping full time is way more work than breastfeeding directly.  It might sound nice, but it's a constant cycle of hooking up, pumping, unhooking, transferring milk, making bottles, cleaning up, starting over.

However, you do what's best in your situation.

THIS!! For me, pumping was way harder. I don't quite fit into this thread, either, and (full disclosure) I'm one of those breastfeeding advocates... I honestly don't understand why anyone would choose not to, but I also believe the studies and the research saying it's so much better. And I'm too lazy to wash bottles, and too cheap to just go to formula.

but I also realize that everyone and every situation is different. And it's not really my damn business how (or where) you feed your baby. Even in breastfeeding circles, some moms judge others for, say, NOT nursing in public, which I was never really comfortable doing. So really, us moms can't win because someone will ALWAYS have to put in their two cents....