Hitting

kmm2150

DD will be three in January and we are going through a rough hitting phase. Couple different situations: sometimes it is seemingly random, as in she's not mad or anything, but usually is hungry/tired, and will just randomly slap us. Another situation is she is mad, we've told her no or whatever. Third situation is if I'm physically controlling her in some way, picking her up and carrying her and she doesn't want me too.

I need help with how to react. When she's nit otherwise upset, we try to not make a big deal of it and just redirect, maybe a "use nice hands." when she's upset, we talk about using words "you could say..." it's probably most difficult when I really do need her to do something/need to carry her. I'm getting so frustrated, I don't want to yell, I certainly don't want to spank, time out doesn't seem to work well...ignoring it just feels hirrible like I'm sending the message she can get away with it.

tbmadeamistake

When C gets like this (it comes and goes), I try to use the same reaction whatever her reason is for doing it. That way hopefully she gets that hitting is bad regardless. I use a very firm voice and say, "We do NOT hit." I'll hold her arm by her side for a few seconds, then remind her that we use gentle hands. If she's hitting out of anger, I also address using words, etc instead of hitting. Some days this works better than others. If she continues to hit, then we move on to time out.

kmm2150

fredalina said:

I think you should stop picking up your 3 year old to enforce your demands. (That sounded harsh, but IDK how to word it). You won't be able to do that for too long anyway; probably better to firm up her compliance to demands (even unwilling compliance) before you sprain your ankle or something and can't carry her or before she gets too big. Plus it probably feels like a violation to her and a small part of her brain is going "fight or flight" over it. I think that will help a lot.

If that happened I would hold her hands firmly and say, "I can tell you are upset, but hitting hurts and I can't let you hurt other people." When she is slack, I would let go and finish up whatever she didn't want to do. In fact, I would probably already be walking with her to lead her while holding her hands firmly, because I wouldn't want the whole hitting/discussion to become a stalling tactic, and for my kid, they would.

You are right and I've been thinking about that, but there are still times I have To pick her up out of the tub or put her in the car seat and she hits in those moments - so frustrating! Thanks for the tips.

kmm2150

fredalina said:

Can she not climb in and out of the tub or carseat, or do you mean when she is refusing? Work on other times and she'll get to the point you don't have to do that anyway.

She can climb into the car but it's an suv and pretty tall so I don't really like to let her do that yet. We have an old, cast iron tub, it's pretty deep and slick and I don't really want to start her thinking she can get in and out by herself so I generally just pick her up.