PgAL check in 9/12

ikrystal

Good Morning ladies and happy Friday!

I hope everyone has been doing well this week!  Every week that passes is a wonderful milestone. Feel free to post any questions you may have.

How far along are you?

Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones?

Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions?

QOTW: Are you planning to include your angel somehow on delivery day?

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

ikrystal

How far along are you? 15 weeks

Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones? Gender scan next week!  I have no preference, but my husband is positive it is a girl. 

Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions? I could easily be in a Proactiv commercial right now. 

QOTW: Are you planning to include your angel somehow on delivery day? I want to bring a framed picture of Conner and Ben and have it on the nightstand.  I'd love to get pictures of all of us with their picture next to us.  It would be as close to a family picture as we could get. 

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? BOY OR GIRL BOY OR GIRL BOY OR GIRL?!

jess123456

How far along are you? 31 weeks and 5 days

Upcoming appointments/milestones? Excited to get to 8 months on Sunday and I have a bi weekly appointment next week.

Symptoms/cravings: Feeling very large and finding that it's hard to do basic things like walk up stairs without stopping halfway through lol.

QOTW: This is a great question and one that I am going to have to think more about. I look forward to seeing what others say for ideas.

Open topic: My mom recently asked me why I wasn't complaining about my pregnancy discomforts and I guess I feel like I really have nothing to complain about. Sure, some days are hard physically but I'll take it any day. It was interesting because she said something like if I complain it doesn't mean that I love my son any less etc. Obviously I know that but given what we have been through to get here I just feel so much gratitude for getting to experience this. I would love to know from a PAL perspective though how that could get difficult once my son is born. I am afraid that I won't allow myself to complain or express that I need help because of my past. Has anyone found that to be the case?

jess123456

@ikrystal‌ Thanks so much for doing these check ins! So excited for you for your scan! Please update us when you get back. Love your photo idea! That will be very special!

BrittianyM

How far along are you?    7 weeks and 2 days

Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones?    Appointment with U/S on Monday the 15th!

Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions?    Really nothing, which to me is concerning.

QOTW: Are you planning to include your angel somehow on delivery day?  We will but haven't really thought about how yet. She is always included in everything we do. 

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?    Can't stop worrying about the lack of symptoms even though I have seen LO twice and he/she was mearsuring right on track and with a heart beat both times. I always feel I am not safe when it comes to LO.

jonahsma

How far along are you? 38 weeks 3 days. 4 days to go!

Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones? My next appt will be on Mon for a pre-op (yikes) I am scheduled for c section Tues the 16th in the pm. Keep us in prayer. I had an u/s done yesterday and the tech said baby was measuring at 39 weeks and a couple of days and 9 lbs + or - ! My cervix is effaced and nurse checked me and I am dilated 1 cm.

Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions? I have been having light contractions for the last week, and today some diarrhea (tmi) sorry girls. 

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? TBH I am afraid. I am afraid something bad is going to happen before Tues. I am afraid that instead of being happy when she is here, I will be sad. I don't want to hold my baby and feel disconnected from her and wonder "what if". the Last couple of days I have been referring to her as Emily and i'm afraid that when shes here I will call her Emily. I know she's not Emily and it's not her fault Emily isn't here. I am afraid. I am sad, But I am also happy and in love and I try to repeat over and over that everything is going to be alright. Keep me in your t&p (sorry for the rambling)

This is my last official check in ladies. Thanks @ikrystal for running the check ins! Can't wait to find out if you're team pink or blue!

This PGAL journey is hard but we all have each other to help get through the rough times. It has been alittle over ten months and most of the ladies who were on here when I joined or joined around the same time are now Pgal or TTC and this makes me so happy. I'm glad to have "met" you all under the circumstances. I don't know how I would have gotten through this time if it wasn't for every one of you, new and old. I admire your strength and I draw from it. I will pop in and check up on you girls Pm me anytime you have questions.

dadalou

How far along are you? 8 weeks 5 days

Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones? Next appointment is on the 24th which still seems so far away.

Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions? I'm starting to feel better. Yay! I haven't taken a nap in 3 days and I don't feel so sick all the time now. It still comes and goes, but usually when I'm hungry and if I eat something it goes away. My mood seems to be better too, probably because I don't feel terrible all the time.

QOTW: Are you planning to include your angel somehow on delivery day? I don't know, but that is a good question. Something we will need to think about.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? It's hard to believe that we have only known for about a month. It seems like forever, but it really hasn't been that long. Maybe that's because we started telling people right away so now at not even 9 weeks nearly everyone we know knows.

mmsweeney1

@jonahsma Congrats on being so close! I was in a similar situation to you because I had a scheduled induction, so I knew when my baby was coming. The last week was the absolute hardest time of my pregnancy because I was terrified something would happen in the last days before she was born. Just hang in there a few more days!

When the time comes, you'll probably feel happy AND sad, as I did. I was so incredibly happy to finally hold a little miracle baby in my arms, but it does remind you of the experiences you missed out on when your baby died. Good luck and I'll be thinking of you!

@Jess123456 I am PAL now and I honestly think it has made the experience better. The newborn stage can be so difficult, and I see many people on my BMB are really hating it. Just like you in your pregnancy, I feel like I have nothing to complain about. Here I have a beautiful healthy baby girl (finally!), and even in the challenging moments it is nowhere close to the challenge of living with a loss. (We do seems to have a really easy baby though, so maybe I would feel differently if she screamed all the time or something.)

Also, if your family and friends are like mine, they will want to celebrate your new baby so much that you won't even need to ask for help because everyone will want to be around all the time!

kflynn81

How far along are you?   11 weeks tomorrow

Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones?  a week from Tuesday I'll have my first MFM appointment.

Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions?  Still cant pinpoint what is going to bother me. No cravings all aversions. Although as time progresses, I've been able to eat more. I've gained 2 lbs finally , yay!

QOTW: Are you planning to include your angel somehow on delivery day?  I had the same idea as you Krystal.... my friend from an IF support group brought a picture frame of her mother that passed away a few years prior. I always thought that was such a great idea to have someone present that cant otherwise be. However, since we have no pictures of Jack outside the womb I'd like to have the last ultrasound pic we had from him and/or his footprints.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?  Feeling a little displaced and jealousy is rearing its ugly head a lot more these days. Even those who went through IF , I'm upset that losing Jack has taken away what should be happy moments for this pregnancy. It just frustrates me to see pregnancy announcments, even those after struggling with IF, where they're both so happy. I wish I was like that again, like I was with Jack. However, all I can think when I see those pics is "I was happy like that last year and then he died" now I feel like I'm just sitting around waiting for it to happen again. Sorry for the gloom and doom, the closer I'm getting to 19 weeks the more anxious and paranoid I get.  

shandorfml2

How far along are you? 9 weeks tomorrow

Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones?
 We see the nurse on the 18th for the initial apt. (even though we've already had 2 ultrasounds) then our OB on Sept 25th
Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions? nausea on and off, tired, sore boobs on and off. Craving canned green beans, so weird! 

QOTW: Are you planning to include your angel somehow on delivery day? I think we are going to bring her bear with us, that way we can take pictures all together too!

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? not really much. I'm kind of just going day by day 

ikrystal

jess123456 Happy 8 months today!  And yes, I feel that I very rarely complain.  I might tell my husband I don't feel well, but thats about it.  PgAL makes you so grateful to be feeling any pregnancy symptoms. 

BrittianyM Good luck at your ultrasound tomorrow!  And maybe the lack of symptoms means that you'll be slammed with them later (that happened to me with this baby - I was feeling GREAT until all of a sudden, around week 9 ish, I was sick constantly).  Or, you can be one of those women who just doesn't have symptoms.  I know many women who never had any ill effects from pregnancy.  I know that the symptoms helps you to know that your baby is growing, though, so I hope that this ultrasound tomorrow helps calm your nerves

jonahsma I'll be thinking of you Tuesday and sending lots of hugs and prayers.  I also get scared about thinking whether or not I'll be truly happen when I have this baby, because I'll be missing my boys so much.  I really hope that you enjoy the moment you first see your baby, still knowing that you are missing another.  We will deal with that our whole lives, but remember that feeling does not diminish your love for your new baby.  **HUGS** mama!

dadalou I'm glad you are starting to feel better!  I know that feeling about how you think you've been pregnant longer than you really have... I kept telling myself last week that I was 15 weeks pregnant, but I wasn't yet.  For some reason, time is dragging!  Maybe it is a side effect from PgAL, too. 

mmsweeney1 Thanks for stopping in!  Hope you and baby Anna are well

kflynn81 I know exactly how you feel!  I was even going to write a blog post about it.  I keep thinking about these women who are pregnant and even though I am too, I can't be happy for them.  They'll get to go home and take family pictures and ALL their kids will be in it.  They'll get to raise ALL their kids.  No one is looking at them funny wondering if they will lost another baby.  We will always be missing part of our family, and it sucks.  Its not fair.  **hugs**

shandorfml2 I think bringing the bear is a great idea!  We have a giraffe for Conner and a puppy for Ben that I was thinking we might bring as well. And canned green beans??  That's a new one! lol.  Good luck on the 18th!

PerkyErky

*ticker warning*

@shandorfml2‌ Congratulations!!! I know I am not active on the board much these days, but I was looking to see who was currently expecting rainbows. I am so happy for you shandorfml2!

Congratulations to all you other beautiful mamas. This journey is hard.

Mel&John2013

How far along are you? 11 weeks

Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones?
 Not this week, another check in ultrasound next week
Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions? still nauseous if I don't eat frequently, tired. I have a hard time finding things that sound good to eat. It's actually very reassuring to feel to terrible when I start to worry. 

QOTW: Are you planning to include your angel somehow on delivery day? I think we will bring a picture of Lincoln, one of his blankets, and one of his wubbanubs. The wubbanubs are special for us because we have a flock of 10-15 lamb ones. When we were in patient at the hospital they had to be taken home to be put through the wash every time one dropped on the floor (which was a lot) because hospital floors are so dirty. It never failed that whenever the dirty ones were at home being washed he'd drop the last clean one on the floor and the nurse would have to bring a new lamb...just growing the flock. One of the nurses called him a shepherd because he liked collecting them so much  

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Lincoln's 1st birthday on Tuesday. Got blood drawn for the Progenity test this past Tuesday. Anxiously waiting for time to pass so we can hopefully cross some genetic abnormalities off the list of things for me to worry about, and to find out gender! But at the same time not wanting to face Lincoln's birthday without him. Some days I still can't believe this is real and he's really gone.

Bgirma

How far along are you?
9 weeks today.

Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones? First official appointment on the 24th (we did have our first ultrasound last week and it went great!). Wesley's 9 month birthday on the 25th.

Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions? Still battling the hyperemesis but I'm doing a much better job controlling it this time (I just know so much more!) I've only lost 11 pounds so far (compared to 26 pounds before week 12 with Wesley). I'm on an intense medication regimen and it's helping a lot but I feel some guilt about having to take medication. I keep trying to remind myself that staying hydrated is the most important thing I can do for the baby and I have to take medication right now to make that happen.

QOTW: Are you planning to include your angel somehow on delivery day? We are planning on bringing Wesley's teddy bear and probably his blanket (I sleep with it every night).

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Just wishing Wesley was here and hoping that this baby is okay. I would also love to stop throwing up at some point but I'll count my blessings that I'm way healthier and stronger this time around.

Bgirma

Mel&John2013- thinking about you as Lincoln's one year approaches.

erinel

How far along are you? 15w5d

Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones? No, but I'm really hoping this girl I know from HS can get me in for some free ultrasounds.  She works for a hospital, and sometimes they need volunteers to come in so that the ultrasound techs and sonographers can practice.  I'd love to get some more looks at this baby!

Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions? Not really, I feel pretty normal.

QOTW: Are you planning to include your angel somehow on delivery day? Definitely.  I will wear one of my necklaces that honor him, and maybe bring the quilt I am having made, although I don't want to risk it getting messed up, so I might not.  I am due shortly after the one year anniversary of his passing, and I am expected to go into labor early again this time, so I'm trying to prepare for the possibility of giving birth to my rainbow on the same day that he left us.  DH thinks it would actually be really cool, so I'm trying to look at it as a sign from him if it does happen that day. 

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I've just been really emotional about losing Q.  I'm obviously always sad about losing him, but I feel like I've had more breakdowns and general sadness over the last week or so.  I am getting more excited about our rainbow though, so maybe that has something to do with it.

erinel

ikrystal    I can't wait to find out what you're having!  So exciting!       

jonahsma  Tomorrow is the big day! I understand having conflicting emotions, but I'm so happy for you.

ikrystal

Mel&John2013 thank you for sharing the story of Lincoln's wubbanubs.  I think those are adorable, and we had already bought our boys some. Hugs to you as you deal with his birthday, I know that must be so difficult.  Good luck with the genetic testing results.  FX that everything comes back with reassuring news. 

Bgirma you are on strong lady to go through all that!  I lost about 5 pounds (that I never gained back, even post partum) with the twins, but that doesn't even compare to what you are going through.  I hope you start to feel better soon.  I think it is so sweet that you sleep with that blanket, and it would be a great thing to bring with at delivery. 

erinel free ultrasounds? So cool.  I hope you get to do them!  I think wearing a necklace is a great idea.  It will be in all the pictures you take that day  and I'm so sorry you're having a tough time right now.  Sometimes, the bad days just come in waves.  I can understand what you are feeling.  I used to go into the boys' nursery all the time, but now it is just too painful and I think it has something to do with the fact that I'll have to change it soon for this baby.  It is really tough dealing with the conflicting emotions of being pgal, and I hope that the breakdowns start to subside for you soon.  **hugs**

Mel&John2013

Thank you @bgirma. I'm dreading it tomorrow. We went to buy a "happy birthday" sign to put at his grave and I tried not to, but I ended up looking through the 1st birthday decorations. What any of us would give to be buying those. 

From tomorrow until May it's months we've been through with Lincoln, which is something new for us. Somehow summer felt easier because we don't know summer with Lincoln. But we know fall, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas with him...everything has already turned into "one year ago today we were...".

Now every day is just another day without Lincoln.

Sorry for the ramble!