Need advise please!!!!

janeen6789

Im so lost right now I just don't know what to do anymore!! My 2 toddlers (3yrs and 4yrs old) have been nothing but trouble lately! They don't listen or behave 95% of the time! When one acts up the other follows suit and misbehaves! I've tried a lot of different things like behavior charts, time outs, losing t.v time ect... but nothing seems to make a difference, they just don't listen!

Example of misbehaviors: Dropping them off at preschool! we walk into school hang up backpacks and sweaters at this point they both are told wash your hands and have a seat for breakfast, then one runs off to play with toys but its not playtime yet, so the teacher explains again wash your hands and have a seat, while this is happening the other one wont let go of my leg so im talking to him telling him its ok be a good boy and have a seat, the other one is still trying to play with toys! I finally get both of them to wash their hands, then im able to get one to sit but the other is running around so I get that one and get him to sit, finally get both sat go to leave and one runs up and grabs my leg again im back at square one, the teacher comes to my rescue and pulls him off of me I go to leave and as im walking to the door the other one has booked it out the door and running up the hall, so I chase and finally catch. I then explain running out of the class room is not a safe choice to make, and shes in big trouble I return her to the class and the teacher takes her to her seat. I leave the school 20 min after getting there crying and overwhelmed!!!

This is an everyday minus some details!! HELP I need advice!! I need my sanity back!!!

littlemurphy2912

How do they do during the day at preschool? How do they act at home with you? Are they like this all the time or only when they are wanting your attention for something? Do they act this way with anyone else (family members, friends, teachers)?

janeen6789

They are good most of the time at school, but they act like this for me and hubby all the time!

littlemurphy2912

Have you tried to ask their teachers how they handle them during the day or if they act out what they do to help them to listen and behave better? They could be just doing this because they know they will get your attention and they may not feel threatened by you? Not saying these are the reasons just trying to help give you some help or answers.

ashiscute

littlemurphy2912 said:

Have you tried to ask their teachers how they handle them during the day or if they act out what they do to help them to listen and behave better? They could be just doing this because they know they will get your attention and they may not feel threatened by you? Not saying these are the reasons just trying to help give you some help or answers.

This 100%.  They know there are no consequences to doing what they want.  I have a feeling if you walked them into the classroom and left they'd hang up their backpacks, wash their hands, and sit down because that is what their teacher expects of them.  

I would try to spend the next day or so paying attention (even writing down) what behaviors were unacceptable to you and how you dealt with them.  First look over the behaviors and decide if they are really unacceptable (hitting) or just the kids being silly and not really bothersome to anyone.  You need to pick your battles so if its the latter then ignore it.  Instead praise the positive behavior.  Next pay attention to how often you are giving empty threats.  This is my DH's biggest problem.  He's all about empty threats but he doesn't follow through.  I like timeouts because the consequence is immediate and routine.  Losing TV privileges only works if the TV is actually on.  IMO you need to have the consequence immediately after the negative behavior or you are not effectively addressing that behavior.  Does that make sense?  Also, you need to deal with behaviors consistently.  

Your LO's are old enough to understand timeouts and sorry.  They are also old enough to explain why the did something and how to do it properly next time.  I think a responsibility chart would be good for them.  

Try to remember they are at ages where testing boundaries and learning independence is normal.  What they are doing sounds normal.  It's just a matter of dealing with negative behaviors consistently and appropriately.  Good luck.

Leap08

I am a huge fan of offering kids choices. I find that it reduces almost all of our conflicts because it gives them some sense of control. I find I say things like "It's time to put our shoes on. Do you want to wear your purple shoes or your tennis shoes? Do you want me to put them on or are you going to put them on? It's time to go, do you want to walk  or do you want me to carry you? Do you want to get in your seat yourself or should I put you in your seat?" Occasionally they take too long executing their choice (like getting in the seat) so I tell them I'm going to count to 5 and then I'm going to do it for them. That almost always works.

I think you could even offer this kind of choice at daycare drop-off. Something like "do you want to say good-bye now or after we hang-up your sweater?" If they say now, give them hugs and then leave. Don't let the whole fiasco of washing hands/sitting down even start. If they choose to hang up sweaters first, hang up the sweater, give them hugs and leave. Let the teachers worry about getting them to wash hands and sit down. That's their job.