The every moment at a time moments...

ChellsnCheese

I say this because I take a moment at a time right now, I lost my son at 14 weeks 4 day gestation for uknown causes, today I went to my six week check up feeling good as I could thinking, this is the day I will get a answer. Also, why do we do that? Why do we crave a answer? It's not bringing him back, its not making this any easier actually it might even make trying for a rainbow baby harder. I don't know regardless it's something personally I thought I needed. The doctor then told me, the tissues were to far deceased to grow and the chromosomal testing wasn't completed and wouldn't be. And now not only do I feel like I lost my son, but I lost hope, I have no idea what that even means but its how I feel. I hope that makes sense to someone because I have no idea why it has crushed me to not have that test back. It could very much so have been negative, but at the same time been positive. I know that wouldn't bring him back but why did I hang on to such a test? Hearing "it didn't grow" was like hearing "we think his heart has stopped beating" all over again.  Just words that feel like they shattered my insides. Those words that can trigger a emotion in you that you never knew you were capable of feeling. And no one even needs to respond to my crazy babbling right now I just had to get it out and my journal didn't seem like enough, and please don't feel like you have to respond to this or please judge me in anything crazy I might have said its just a bad night. Love you ladies..

forevermyfenix

I'm sorry you're having a hard night and that the chromosomal testing didn't give you any answers. I don't know why we crave the answers. Why we need to make sense of it all as if that would somehow make it "ok." But you're not alone in this, and we understand where you're coming from. 

No one should have to go through this...

ChellsnCheese

Thank you so much for even responding sometimes it's just nice to hear, your not alone and we understand. And no one should have to go through this,

 

lexusolsen

I'm sorry you won't get results. That sounds really frustrating. I used to think that knowing why this happened to us would make me feel better. The reality is, it wouldn't be enough. Nothing will bring our babies back.

msunshine123

I'm sorry for your loss and that you won't get the answers you were hoping to get. I think it's normal - we all want answers. How could this happen? It wasn't the way things were suppose to go. We want our babies just like the PP said and we hope an answer can give us some comfort. ((hugs))