Advice...

channe9

My wife and I visited a private clinic (we live in the UK so private is different than the norm) where we are considering IUI. We had done a tour previously and felt happy enough to learn a bit more so we plonked down more than $300 on the initial consultation. Unfortunately we both came away raging from the experience. The doctor (who is the doctor we would see FOR FREE through the NHS if we could ever make it off the waiting list...) was dismissive, bored, and barely seemed to listen. He told us, "The success rate is 10%. If you're 40 -- wait, how old are you? 37. OK but if you're 40, you're not going to get pregnant, it's 2 or 3%." I came away feeling I was being evaluated as you would a beat-up cadillac. (Yep, younger women are fertile. Nope, didn't meet my wife until a few years ago. Oops.) The nurse balked at our questions and comments (I'm an academic, wife is a lawyer so we ask questions!) on form signing, snapping, "I don't make the forms." This place costs less than the other clinic that does IUI but it still costs A LOT and this is completely out of pocket. This clinic does a scan at the start of the month and then blood draws from CD10 to find the ideal time for IUI. 

On the other hand, we've considered going to Denmark. It costs about $400 LESS for both of us to fly to Denmark and have the IUI done there. Wife has friends we could stay with. The clinic is lesbian-run and appears to have a much less clinical approach. Denmark seems obvious except: 1) I hate flying like really, really hate it and I'm worried about what the stress could do to my body around ovulation; 2) there would no upfront scan or monitoring; and 3) do we really want to make it a habit of flying back and forth to Denmark? 

I've been going to a lovely fertility place (for acupuncture and nutrition advice) where the women have been so supportive around our home insemination attempts. That made it all the more jarring to go to the dismissive man. Wife and I are so torn at this point. I don't even now what advice I can ask for since obviously wife and I will be making the decision but I suppose I'm looking for past experiences. What are the most important things in making this decision? 

LolaBelle515

Oh man, that is so tough. Having a supportive doctor is so helpful.  I'm sorry you have to make this decision:(

When I think about the many months of stress around TTC in my own life, I personally know that waiting for that positive ovulation test and peeing on every stick possible until that moment...would have been much more stressful if I knew I had to book a plane ticket the second there was a positive test (a last minute ticket would likely be much more expensive, too, right?).  I think you make a valid point about traveling and stress around ovulation.  I do think that is something to consider. 

I suppose you'll also need to consider how much time you'd actually spend at the IUI clinic? How much monitoring it includes and whether you have to love it or can just consider it an avenue to success, while your fertility place is more of your Q&A support provider.

Good luck deciding; I know it isn't an easy decision.

Twochickshavinachick

We don't have any experience in this area but just wanted to send a hug.  Your journey to parenthood should be the same positive and affirming experience whatever age you are/route you take.  Are there any other options in your area?  If you are considering compromising on travel, how about somewhere else in the UK?  For example, when we considered going the private route, we looked at Cardiff as an acceptable alternative to our current location of Bristol.

channe9

Thanks to you all for commenting. The feedback is helpful. I think we've decided to avoid the stress of travelling and go with the nearby clinic. I think we'll use the natural fertility women to balance out Dr. Uninterested. 

rkbo

I just wanted to add my quick 2 cents...

When we were doing our IUI's we were also give the very low number of only 10% chance of it actually working. IVF was better, but not drastically, at 40%. The price difference for us was what made the decision easier for us. I am close to your age at 35. 

I did back to back IUI's every month and they were very very stressful for me. I would show up to my appt time at say 9am..but they wouldn't take me back to a room until 10:30. That would get my blood boiling like CRAZY! On the 3rd month, my RE wasn't able to make it to one of the insems, so I asked if our wonderful nurse who we loved could do it and she approved it. My wife and I are completely convinced that one of the reason's we had a successful 3rd try is because we had our loving and caring nurse do the insem. It was stress free, I was back and on a table in no more than 5 minutes, she dimmed the lights to "set the mood" and overall didn't have that "god complex" that our RE had. 

Good luck, and try your best to go into it as stress free as possible.

1blueridgemama

I'm sorry to hear about that experience.  The journey is intense enough without the added experience of unprofessional and not passionate medical support.  My two cents- my wife and I did about 5 months of IUIs at about 2000k a month (not covered by insurance, so that was sperm bank, shipping and IUI tx costs) before we left the practice and went to a university-based clinic where we had a completely different experience.  I am 39 and after weighing the cost benefit, etc, we decided to stop IUI and go for IVF.  It was, of course, much more expensive but we had just spent more than 10K and weren't pregnant.  IVF worked the first time.  Very pregnant now.  Age does play a role, unfortunately and we didn't want to financially or emotionally continue on the IUI path when it was unlikely to work.  They put in two embryos, by the way, and both took.  If you have any questions, feel free to PM.

Please keep us posted and I hope you and your wife find a more supportive practice.