Having our second girl

imsohappy077

So hubby and I found out that baby number two will also be a girl. Although hubby is happy the baby is completely healthy so far, I can tell he was a little crushed that this one isn't a boy. I know that there is this pressure for men to have boys. .. to carry the family name, a companion to play sports with etc. But then there are some who believe that girls hold the key to daddy's heart. Have any of you ladies dealt with hubby's gender disappointment? How did this turn out in the end?

I'm sure he'll get over this. He has no choice lol

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imsohappy077

Bliss+Berry said:

imsohappy077 said:

So hubby and I found out that baby number two will also be a girl. Although hubby is happy the baby is completely healthy so far, I can tell he was a little crushed that this one isn't a boy. I know that there is this pressure for men to have boys. .. to carry the family name, a companion to play sports with etc. But then there are some who believe that girls hold the key to daddy's heart. Have any of you ladies dealt with hubby's gender disappointment? How did this turn out in the end?

I'm sure he'll get over this. He has no choice lol

So much stereotyping for one little post.  For what its worth, girls can be a companion to play sports with.  I know a family of 3 girls that all play softball and the dad coaches.  Shocker, I know.  

I also have a friend who's husband decided to take her name when they were married.  

Girls can carry on the family name and play sports.  Boom.

Good pt. I was just stating things I read from other forums on why men feel the need to have sons. Didn't mean to sound like i was stereotyping. As a matter of fact our first plays soccer... dad is the coach. Lol

cattledogmama

Does your H not realize that girls can play sports too? My FI is actually hoping for a girl because he says they're more versatile - they can get dressed up and be all frilly (if they want) and can be on a 4wheeler or getting dirty. The only thing that doesn't solve is carrying on your last name which is still possible.

Hopefully your H comes to terms with having another girl because she's gonna come and he needs to be ready. I don't have any experience on this as I'm a FTM and haven't found out the sex of my baby yet. Good luck to you!

imsohappy077

Does your H not realize that girls can play sports too? My FI is actually hoping for a girl because he says they're more versatile - they can get dressed up and be all frilly (if they want) and can be on a 4wheeler or getting dirty. The only thing that doesn't solve is carrying on your last name which is still possible.

Hopefully your H comes to terms with having another girl because she's gonna come and he needs to be ready. I don't have any experience on this as I'm a FTM and haven't found out the sex of my baby yet. Good luck to you!

Congrats and best of luck

imsohappy077

Idani said:

You stated you can "tell" he is a little modisappointed.  Did he actually say that or are you just assuming he is because you read it online . It doesn't sound like he has actually expressed the things you typed.  

Even if so, I personally think a little moment of sadness is perfectly normal. I have two sons, I admit when I found out I was having another boy I had a moment of sadness that I might not get to have a daughter. Then I started thinking of the fun I would have with two little guys.  If your husband was being vocal and whining about not having a son I would have a different answer but it doesn't sound like he is so my suggestion is stop worrying about it. 

Yea it was stated..

shannymaccc

Yikes! People are rough on here:/

My husband felt the same way! We already have a DD too. He was sad for a few days but now he can't be happier. We were planning on only having two kids but now he wants to try one more time for a boy.:) It will probably be a girl

ashiscute

Yeah I don't think anything you said is remotely offensive.  It's perfectly normal for him to be disappointed that he won't get to have a father/son relationship.  OP never said her H couldn't play sports with their girls, just that he's disappointed.  As long as he snaps out of it in a day or so I'd just give him space.  

And honestly I have no idea what "girls are more versatile" means.  So girls can do be frilly AND rough but boys can only be rough?  Awesome.  

imsohappy077

shannymaccc said:

Yikes! People are rough on here:/

My husband felt the same way! We already have a DD too. He was sad for a few days but now he can't be happier. We were planning on only having two kids but now he wants to try one more time for a boy.:) It will probably be a girl

Best of luck...

aksue22

Girls shouldn't have to play sports, ride 4-wheelers, get dirty, etc for a dad to be excited about their impending arrival.  Even if you were having a boy, there's no guarantee that little guy would be interested in that stuff at all. 

 

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shannymaccc

I guess some womens hormones are going crazy. Just being honest, no sugar coating

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KristenMarieDoyle

I have never gone through this, but I am sure he will come around quickly as you said he was happy to have a healthy baby! That is all you can ask for after all!

Good Luck and enjoy baby girl #2!!!

shannymaccc

MrsMuq said:

shannymaccc said:

I guess some womens hormones are going crazy. Just being honest, no sugar coating

I'm not pregnant and on continuous BCP, so I don't have hormone fluctuations. Try again.

Oh, and hormones are a piss-poor excuse for any behavior.


Well I just don't get it. I came on the bump because I was going through a miscarriage and wanted to see who was going through the same thing, a month later I got pregnant again so I stuck around. I mostly lurk and when I see comments, like what's on this question, it frustrates me. Imsohappy077 was just explaining her story and some cray cray people had to turn it around and say how offensive it was. We should be supporting each other not making each other feel worse.
Blaming it on pregnancy hormones was a nice thing cause I hope people wouldn't act like this on a regular
basis.

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imsohappy077

Bliss+Berry said:

shannymaccc said:

MrsMuq said:

shannymaccc said:

I guess some womens hormones are going crazy. Just being honest, no sugar coating

I'm not pregnant and on continuous BCP, so I don't have hormone fluctuations. Try again.

Oh, and hormones are a piss-poor excuse for any behavior.

Well I just don't get it. I came on the bump because I was going through a miscarriage and wanted to see who was going through the same thing, a month later I got pregnant again so I stuck around. I mostly lurk and when I see comments, like what's on this question, it frustrates me. Imsohappy077 was just explaining her story and some cray cray people had to turn it around and say how offensive it was. We should be supporting each other not making each other feel worse.
Blaming it on pregnancy hormones was a nice thing cause I hope people wouldn't act like this on a regular
basis.

Placing a higher value on one sex over the other is asinine.


Who are you referring to? Who's placing value over one sex over the other?

ashiscute

I don't think anyone placed a higher value on one sex over the other in this post.  Being disappointed to not have a boy is NOT the same as being disappointed at having a girl.  It's okay to have a preference and to be disappointed when that doesn't pan out.  

When I was pregnant the second time I wanted a boy.  I had DD and I love her but I wanted a boy as well.  I don't think that makes me a bad person.  

imsohappy077

ashiscute said:

I don't think anyone placed a higher value on one sex over the other in this post.  Being disappointed to not have a boy is NOT the same as being disappointed at having a girl.  It's okay to have a preference and to be disappointed when that doesn't pan out.  

When I was pregnant the second time I wanted a boy.  I had DD and I love her but I wanted a boy as well.  I don't think that makes me a bad person.  

no it doesn't make you a bad person. Disappointment is a natural feeling. We feel bad for a while and then we move on. It's just life.

Update: hubby and I talked and I understood where he was coming from. But at the end of the day, this baby is healthy.. ten fingers ten toes.. healthy heart and kidneys. And that is what he is happy about the most. Now we are off to the fun part.. picking out baby names lol.

Alygohome

I have friends who have two boys and two girls. The girls hunt, fish, play sports, one boy plays piano and dances and the other bakes....my husband actually wants girls to teach how to hunt and fish if they want too learn!

katievillanueva

I can definitely see where your husband is coming from. There's nothing wrong with preferring a son over daughter or vice-versa. The important thing is that when you find out its not what you want your still happy and that's what it sounds like to me. So I hope the best for you and your growing family. I'm expecting my first child which happens to be a girl and quite honestly that's what both me and my husband wanted. Not because boys are bad or we wouldn't want it if it were a boy but because we knew going in to this that we would probably stop at one and preferred that she be a girl

kellyfo14

My father had 2 daughter. Myself and my older sister were not rough and tumble little girls. My father was a boy through and through big into football in high school and played not on his school's team but with friends with no protective gear after school. He was a daredevil and is to this day (just the other day he was showing my DD and DS how he can still ride his unicycle, not really sure where he got that thing but it is a rusty mess, he is 58). He is who he is but he always says that he is thankful he had his girls because our children change us too. He developed a deeper appreciation for music because it is something he could share with us that we were interested in. He got really back into drawing which he used to do in high school and did many sketches of us as little girls. He grew more sensitive to our needs emotionally and how to deal with the kind of bullying we experienced in school (not the overt steal your lunch money kind, but the mean girl psychological kind). It is absolutely true that our children mold us too and if you asked my Dad today he would tell you how fortunate he feels to have had two girls. It may not be what you think you want but it is what it needs to be. Sounds like he gets it but he will get it even more down the road. Also, after having one of each my H was really hoping for a girl this time around. I had to explain she could be very different from our first born who is about the easiest kid you could ask for.

imsohappy077

kellyfo14 said:

My father had 2 daughter. Myself and my older sister were not rough and tumble little girls. My father was a boy through and through big into football in high school and played not on his school's team but with friends with no protective gear after school. He was a daredevil and is to this day (just the other day he was showing my DD and DS how he can still ride his unicycle, not really sure where he got that thing but it is a rusty mess, he is 58). He is who he is but he always says that he is thankful he had his girls because our children change us too. He developed a deeper appreciation for music because it is something he could share with us that we were interested in. He got really back into drawing which he used to do in high school and did many sketches of us as little girls. He grew more sensitive to our needs emotionally and how to deal with the kind of bullying we experienced in school (not the overt steal your lunch money kind, but the mean girl psychological kind). It is absolutely true that our children mold us too and if you asked my Dad today he would tell you how fortunate he feels to have had two girls. It may not be what you think you want but it is what it needs to be. Sounds like he gets it but he will get it even more down the road. Also, after having one of each my H was really hoping for a girl this time around. I had to explain she could be very different from our first born who is about the easiest kid you could ask for.

I loved this. Thanks for sharing

Samiantha101

Bliss+Berry said:

shannymaccc said:

I guess some womens hormones are going crazy. Just being honest, no sugar coating

I don't let hormones control my actions. 

Take your passive aggressive bullshit somewhere else.

Oh FFS can't you stick to being the baby shower forum bully?

OP, we are having our second girl too. When we found out we were having our second girl, my husband got really overwhelmed with the prospect of another girl. The overwhelming feeling has subsided greatly. I'm sure your DH will get past whatever disappointment he may be feeling shortly.

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imsohappy077

mamatotwoo said:

OP, totally understand what you are going through or went through!
My H and I are Hispanic and his family are very much maschimos. To them, having a son is like an honor. Luckily for our girls, his brothers and us all had our kids together within in a 2 year time span and they were ALL GIRLS! Suckers

When I was pregnant with DD the first time, H and I both wanted a boy. Just for the simple fact of us ever having more kids and having the 'big brother factor' which him and I both have. When we found out about DD he was a little disappointed but got over it. We have so much fun with her!
This time around we both wanted a boy, just to be able to experience having a son. But having two girls would also be so much fun! There's no bond like a sister sister bond and theres no one more that girls love than their daddy! I'm glad your husband got over it. I hope you all have lots of fun with your girls. Tell him now he won't have to compete to be the 'king' of the household lol.

lol... "king of the household".. love this!