- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
February 2015 Moms
KristinRae90
member
19 weeks pregnant and alone :(
KristinRae90
member
Hi I'm 19 weeks pregnant and it's my first pregnancy. I'm 24 and still in school working on my second bachelors. The guy I've been seeing is 28 and as of now he doesn't want to be there and doesn't know if that will change after she is born. He wanted me to get an abortion and told me if I got rid of it that there was a chance me and him would be together but if I kept it he wouldn't be there because he is not ready to settle down and start a family and make a lifetime commitment. He doesn't want to give up his hobbies such as golf or soccer or his friends. He's been trying to be there for me as much as he says he can and has been seeing me once a week but even that is too much for him because although I'm pregnant with his child I come last on the list. He doesn't care what I'm going through and wants me to let him sign his rights over so he doesn't have to be there or pay child support or tells me to give up my child for adoption, which I would never do. I'm having a hard time with everything, I never thought my first pregnancy would go this way, I've been so stressed out and unhappy and depressed that I haven't really celebrated being pregnant. He is selfish and gets to go out and have fun and forget I'm pregnant or that his daughter will be here in a few months. His parents support him not being there and not seeing their grandchild and just want him to be happy. They don't care about me or the health of the baby or what I'm going through. They don't ask me how I'm doing or if I need anything and his mom had the nerve to make a joke to him asking if I was "still pregnant" because I'm still so skinny. As if I'm the type of person to lose my child and pretend to still be pregnant for I don't know what reason. I have been with him for a little over a year now and I do love him but he says he doesn't love me because I'm too "emotional" and "needy" and "attached" because I want him to be around more than once a week or once every two weeks, to me that is not a relationship and I don't consider asking for more than once a week to be needy. I'm pregnant and he's telling me he doesn't love me and doesn't want to be there and tries to comfort me by telling me that there are plenty of single moms out there and expects me to not feel emotional. I just need some advice on what to do and how to handle things or some comforting words on my situation.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: 19 weeks pregnant and alone :(
IVF#1 - BFP 6/18/13 - Tommy born sleeping 10/1/13
IVF#2 - BFN
IVF#3 - BFP 6/5/14 EDD 2/14/15 TWIN BOYS - MATTHEW AND TIMOTHY ARRIVE 12/2/14
My ex husband left me when our second child was 10 weeks old because he didn't want to be married any more. It took a while but I'm now with someone who appreciates me completely. It's so much better!
I would suggest meeting with a lawyer (or 2 or 3) to determine what your best options are in terms of the baby. Many will give a free consultation or charge a minimal fee for one. I found I got good advice from a few different lawyers I spoke to during my divorce. While he shouldn't be able to walk away from his child without any responsibility if he really doesn't want to be involved it may make your life easier down the road if he gives up his rights. That's a tough decision and I would want to make it with as much information as possible.
Good luck!
Lawyer up, see if the school your getting your BS at has a legal aid department for students (at my old Uni it was always free). Also as people said just because he signs his rights away doesnt get him out of child support. Even if he's a student now and make nothing in five years that could change. So get it all documents and legal.
Also forget his family along with him. Surround yourself with supportive people and ditch the looser
**Siggy Challenge What You're Looking Forward to Most after Baby Arrives**
IVF#1 - BFP 6/18/13 - Tommy born sleeping 10/1/13
IVF#2 - BFN
IVF#3 - BFP 6/5/14 EDD 2/14/15 TWIN BOYS - MATTHEW AND TIMOTHY ARRIVE 12/2/14
Now don't be silly and let him waive his parental responsibilities... He knew there was a chance of a child when he hopped into bed with you so you must not let him get away with not paying child support!! Your child also has a rigt to know who the father is.. Even if he is a douche!!! So put his name down on the birth certificate and make him responsible for his DNA donation... He's not a child and needs to learn some form of responsibility'n don't let him off the hook so easily!!
Best wishes to you! Stay strong !!! You can do this without him!!! You have a brighter future ahead of you without him!
But, MORE IMPORTANTLY, please start celebrating your growing child! You are a beautiful, strong person and you're going to bring them into a beautiful, supportive life. Find people to help create that with you. This post to this board is a good example, but start creating your "real life village" as well. You've got this. You're already a great mom, and you'll continue to get better for your baby.
***HUGS***
Bringing them both home...UPDATE...The girls are home!!! 1/7/15 after 20 days in the NICU!
Can you afford this baby on your own? I mean really and truly can you? I don't know what kind of support you have on your side. If you can, I'd have him forgo his rights. Not because I think he should avoid child support, but because he should not be allowed rights over the child. Not today. Not ever.
Today my guy has his final hearing for custody with his ex. This has been the hardest thing he (we) has ever gone through and I do not wish that process on anyone. He was the one who wanted children. She did not. And when they split she is now using his beautiful daughter as leverage and it is the most disgusting and painful thing I've ever seen.
Talk to a lawyer. Get child support so long as you can guarantee that you will always have full parental rights. But all I'm saying is, "allowing him to walk away" may actually be "allowing yourself to truly protect your baby from that narcissist."
I have seen how hard my guy and some other dad's fight for their right to parent and it's opened my eyes to a REAL man's struggle in a court system that favors mothers. But to see a man seek to deny parenting rights is terrible. Nevertheless, maybe it can offer you some protection... Protection I desperately wish we had with our reverse-gender situation.
My mom was 24, almost 25, and my dad was 21, almost 22, and the first words out of his mouth when my mom told him she was pregnant was, "So when is the abortion scheduled?" He didn't take into account my mothers feelings on the subject, or my grandparents feelings. All he cared about were his own and his parents feelings on the matter.
When my mom called my paternal granparents, they told her they were too young to be grandparents and disowned me right then and there, without even giving me a chance. The night my mom told my dad, my paternal grandfather took him out to a Brothel in Nevada that night. My mom was devastated and heartbroken. She thought my dad had loved her, but it was obvious he didn't, and it was obvious he didn't love me either. A few months go by, my dad decides he wants to try and make things work, which lasted all of about a week before they got into a huge fight about me and my dad tried to kill me by trying to stab my mother in the stomach.
My dad came around every few years after I was born, but my mom made sure to keep him at a distance from me, because she didn't trust him. My paternal grandparents decided to wise up and came around often. My maternal grandparents loved me from the moment my mom first told them. Their words were, "we support what ever decision you make, whether its keeping the baby or aborting. But please do not put it up for adoption because it will kill us knowing we have a grandchild somewhere out in the world." And with their support alone, my mom knew she was going to be ok. As long as you have the support of close friends and family, you'll forget all about your douchbag baby daddy and just focus on the one thing that is most important now. Your boyfriend may come back around later in life as he wises up and grows up, my father did. But it should be on your terms until the baby is 18 and can decide for itself. It took a long time for me to be able to trust my dad, but once I realized he was no longer the psychotic asshole he was before I was born, I gave him a second chance because I wanted too.
Keep your chin up and know that your friends and family support your decision. You are loved, and your baby will be loved no matter what. You don't need a man in your life to raise a child. My mom didn't and I turned out just fine! You'll be ok soon. I know it hurts now, but pretty soon you'll realize you're better off without him and that you don't need his help.
You don't need someone like that. I'm sorry that he is doing this to you, but really what you need to remember is that you are strong and it's much more difficult to stay than it is to run. Surround yourself with friends and family who care and support you. Your daughter is going to be the center of your world, start enjoying her and enjoying yourself. You only go through your first pregnancy once. Forget him, he obviously doesn't deserve you.