Depressed Husbands (Long. Need advice)

bridie926

I don't know where else to go for support, or advice. My husband has been struggling with depression. I know because I've been through my own depression battles and he has all of the signs. He's irritable. He is always tired. He is in real estate, so his job hours are very flexible and he really doesn't have to work a full work day. But most of the time he comes home and hides in our room and plays video games. He'll help with the LO, if I ask him directly. When he does, he acts like he's wondering when I'm going to be done to take the kid off his hands. He doesn't want to have sex with me, but complains about not having sex. He goes to play golf with friends usually once a week, but when I would like alone time, it's a big ordeal. Really he gets alone time every night when he's video gaming.

But the worst is when I've talked to him about figuring out ways to become happier, it all comes back to being my fault. I'm the one who pushes him away, who doesn't want him helping, who only gives "pity" sex.

These are all delusions. What mother doesn't want her husbands help? What wife doesn't want her husband to be turned on by her? I've bought sexier clothes. I work out everyday. But I in no way feel sexy 2 months postpartum. Most of the time I am covered in bodily fluids because he throws a fit if LO gets spit up on him.

I've talked to him about depression. He knows he is. He says some days he just wants to go to sleep and not wake up. He says he doesn't care about anything anymore. I've told him I would call the dr to set up an appt to talk about it with a health professional. He refuses. Even though his mother (who he adores), my mother, me, and practically everyone we know have been medicated or have been to counseling. He is refusing help. And he's blaming me.

What should I do at this point? I take suicidal thoughts very seriously. Depression is a very scary thing. But I know there's only so much one person can do to help.

Are there any other moms out there who's husbands are or have been depressed? Any advice?

elsa1688

I'm sorry. That's really rough. It sounds like you could use some counseling, individually and as a couple. I think medication would probably help your husband, but he would need to see a doctor to go over those options.

This is a tough time already and depression can make it harder. Hang in there.

H&H2014

I'm so sorry you're going through this. The stress of everything must be intense.

What state do you live in? I believe some states you can court order a mental health eval. It's extreme but necessary to protect their safety (and the saftey if those around them).

Good luck. Hugs

bridie926

@H&H2014 We live in Indiana. Yes that does sound extreme, but with how unhappy he is, it might be necessary. I just want to help him.

He is a Momma's boy, his mom is a wonderful woman. But both of them are stubborn when it comes to getting health help. But she would do anything for him. She does everything he asks her. I wonder if it would be beneficial to talk to her about it. Or if it's something that should be kept between us.

tbmadeamistake

I am sorry you're going through this. Can you talk to him about your hopes for his interactions with your baby as LO gets older? Let him know that if he keeps up like this, he won't have the relationship that you both wanted him to have. Maybe that will help put things into perspective for him. If not, and he really is having suicidal thoughts, I would definitely tell his mom. I know first hand how hard it can be to help someone when they aren't ready to get help. Good luck!

nunzchucks

PPD in men is a very real thing: https://www.babycenter.com/404_can-men-get-the-baby-blues_3870.bc

He really needs to get into therapy. I hope he comes around soon. Prayers to you guys

jshrop

^wss. Get mom involved. Do whatever it takes. This isn't your battle to fight alone. Hugs

ashanne88

What PP said, especially getting his mom involved.  Hang in there.  I'm sorry you' are both going through this struggle, especially right now.

bridie926

Thank you all for the support. As today has progressed, he has started to talk more openly about his mental state. Thank goodness. It's incredible how ashamed one can feel about depression, when science shows over and over that it is a legitimate medical issue. A chemical imbalance in the brain is not something a person can control. It's such a hard thing, I think especially for men, to grasp onto. They feel they're supposed to take care of everything and be strong all the time. I'm so glad he's starting to open up.

jshrop

@amoot890‌ I am so sorry for your loss! Terrible tragedy. Hugs to you and your family

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bridie926

@amoot890‌ How terrible. I am so sorry for your loss. Suicide leaves loved ones with so many unanswered questions. It is so hard to come to terms with. I truly hope you and your family will be able to find peace. Many hugs and prayers to you and your family.