Does anyone else?

marthah05

My husband and I have had several heated arguments about naming our child and we don't even know the gender yet. If the baby is a boy he wants a Jr. I have explained all the problems I experienced growing up named after my mother, and my brother named after my father. He is insistent, and will not compromise.

Does anyone else have heated arguments over naming their child, or am I the only dealing with mantrums?

marthah05

No prior agreements about Juniors, which hind sight is 20/20.
I have offered to use his first name as a middle name, and have tried to offer compromises with no bending from him.
The lowest blow was when he said that people will ask if he is the father since the child is not named after him. (We have been married for 9 years and always have been faithful.)

llambrose

marthah05 said:

No prior agreements about Juniors, which hind sight is 20/20.
I have offered to use his first name as a middle name, and have tried to offer compromises with no bending from him.
The lowest blow was when he said that people will ask if he is the father since the child is not named after him. (We have been married for 9 years and always have been faithful.)

Wow! That is super manipulative and really stupid! Not every boy is named after their father (mine won't be because I am not into Jrs at all). He needs to realize that he isn't going to get his way by throwing fits or acting like a jerk. The fact that he said that would make me even more resolved to not let him have his way. Stand your ground and don't let him bully you!

queenbone

marthah05 said:

 The lowest blow was when he said that people will ask if he is the father since the child is not named after him. 

W

T

F

Seriously. I can't even wrap my mind around that kind of antiquated BS. As someone who is in the IF community, where plenty of families need to use donor sperm, eggs, embryos, or adopt their children I just thank the Lord that there are so many men out there who are more open minded. That kind of comment is incredibly insensitive.

daystardreams

I agree with all the previous posters. Do not back down. I wouldn't argue with him especially when he is making ridiculous comments like the one posted above. I would tell him that you WILL NOT have a Jr and then let the conversation die. If he brings it up again, repeat that you WILL NOT have a Jr. then walk away. Until he is ready to talk about names like an adult then don't talk about names at all.

Give it a little time (a couple weeks depending on how far along you are) and then the next time you bring up names if he still says anything about a Jr., repeat that you will not have a Jr. and end the conversation. I would continue this pattern until he gets the hint. Sorry and good luck!

JubilantSquirrel

Maybe table the name conversation until after you find out the sex of the baby. If you find out baby is a boy then don't back down on the Jr front if that's not something you're interested in. His comment was silly and manipulative and he shouldn't be trying to manipulate you into a name you don't both agree on.

greysweatshirt

so DH basically implied that if your child isn't named after him you must have slept with someone else? ouch. Ok, here are a few other options:

1.Do you strongly dislike his name? Maybe reconsider your thoughts on the matter. My DH has his father's name and even when there are some issues, they are minor, andI know he actually enjoys having his name. He does not have Jr. though... he went by the nn of the name (example father: Sam/DH: Sammy) and still does actually.

2. An extension to first suggestion would be that you have exclusive rights to name a future daughter

3. Would you/he be okay with him legally having his name as a FN but going by his middle.

3. As pp's have suggested... table til now until you find out the gender...

I debated going here or not, but ah well... Not to read too much into this, and I'm an internet stranger and dont know you or your husband but this just reads red flag to me. My apologies in advance if I'm way off base... but how do you resolve other issues that you disagree on? Have you decided on other things like religion? how to discipline? whether to circumcise? Are you both able to compromise? Do you often just go along with what he wants? Just some things to think about...

capulet

ramy3695 said:

So if you have more kids will you name all of them after him? 

Yeah, I was thinking that if my FIL followed this logic then DH would be the oldest of seven brothers, all named Stewart.  I mean not only is what your husband said incredibly insulting to you and to all of us who didn't name our sons after our husbands, it's completely illogical.  Is he so dense that he hasn't noticed that most boys aren't named after their fathers and nobody goes around questioning their paternity?

If he wants to name a baby by himself, he needs to make it by himself.  Otherwise he needs to grow up and respect the woman who is doing him the honor of carrying and birthing his child.

4N6s

No... Definitely not heated. Talk about it once you find out the gender.

Whitfry

Print out some of these comments and show him just how poorly he comes off. Not his child? I agree on the childish manipulation front. And it's not even clever manipulation, it's clumsy and aggressive.

le bebe xo

I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. Not ideal for extra nonsense (truly nonsense) to be thrown at you during an already overwhelming time. Naming babies should be a unique togetherness thing, not a power struggle.

When he throws out those paternity comments, I truly wonder what kind of response he thinks that will illicit in you. Maybe "Wow, Honey. I never thought of it that way. You are SO RIGHT, we definitely have to name this child after you, I am so onboard!" <-- said noone ever 

edit for clarity

Kendrav4

I had the same argument with my DD's father before we knew she was a girl. Our arguments were very heated and we decided to not discuss it anymore until we found out the sex. Thank goodness she was a girl, but I would not have backed down.

lauren_m

He's acting like a complete jerk, I totally agree. BUT, just to play devil's advocate for a second, what's his cultural background? In my culture, it would be somewhat unusual not to name the first son after the father, and I could see my husband being really upset if we hadn't named my son after him (which we did, but I was totally on board). Would you consider doing the same first name and a different middle name? That way he wouldn't be a junior. Again, I think he's being ridiculous and he's really hitting below the belt, so I'm not justifying his reaction.

Dr.Loretta

No, we haven't had any debates.

We have 4 generations with the same name in my family. And DH is a Jr after his dad. Strangely enough, it's the moms who insisted on it, not the dads.