I think I'm going to have a mental breakdown

JRod13

So for the past month or so I've been trying to make plans with my mom to come get our baby stuff out of her basement. She offered to let us keep it there when we moved into our much smaller house because she has a huge basement that she never uses. Every time I've tried to make plans with her, she's been busy or had other plans or it just wasn't a good time for her. Ok, no big deal. So today I decide that screw it, I'm going over there to at least do an inventory and see what exactly I have. I walk into the basement and ALL MY STUFF IS GONE. So I call her and she starts rambling about how she donated it all to a girl she goes to church with that had a baby boy. And now the girl has moved out of state. Of course I brought down the fury on her.

I'm just a fucking mess at this juncture. I thought we had everything we needed - now my son has 2 pairs of pajamas and I have to scramble around and try to make room in our measly budget to try to buy all this baby gear that I've already bought once. To make it worse, my mom couldn't even apologize or admit that she made a mistake. If she really thought that way I wouldn't be creeping up on my 3rd trimester before she was forced to tell me. I expect low shit from this woman, but this sets an all time low bar for even her.

CandEChicago

Unfortunately this is probably why she was delaying your arrival to the house. Any chance you can get the name and cell phone number of the girl from church and explain the situation? My bet is she might still be in town and your mom is covering (or using her as another excuse/cover).

nopegoat

Oh man. I would be furious!!! We got rid of a lot of our baby gear and I am constantly kicking myself for it. I can't imagine thinking for so long it was there and just now being told it's gone. Wtf?!

Cheekers2010

:jaw drop: I am so sorry. Will she help replace what she donated?

designchica

OH. MY. GOD.   WTF?!  That is just crazy.  I'm so sorry, hun.  Is your mom willing to help out and buy some things?  Why didn't she just call you and tell you she wanted that stuff out of the basement (if that was the case) or if it was about donating, she should have asked if YOU wanted to donate a few things from your stash.   

I'm just floored by this.    She needs to throw you a baby shower STAT!!!!!!  

leoandethansmom

Holy shit that is horrible!!! I'm so sorry you're going through this.

JackieV14

Wow! Just wow! I am so sorry. I could not even imagine. How could she disrespect you and your possessions like that?!

designchica

Also wondering if you can post on facebook a list of things you are needing to borrow or have donated to you, maybe explaining what happened.   I bet there are a lot of people with things they dont need that could help alleviate some of the costs.

And check out Craigslist for some good finds too. 

I"m sorry, I know this doesn't really help remove the stress and frustration but I just want you to be able to get the things you need without having to drop a fortune.   Money is very tight for me too, so I get how much this stuff adds up. 

HorseFeathers3

Wow! Just wow!!! I am so sorry!!! Hopefully she will come to the plate and help you out!

hollycn

I hope she donated this stuff to the girl before she knew you had another LO on the way. I mean... Regardless it's not cool, but hopefully the longer she gave the stuff away, the more likely you'll be able to get some of it back (by my logic, that girl's son would be outgrowing the stuff).

I agree that you should make an attempt to explain the situation... If I were that girl, I'd have no problem working things out with you.

JRod13

Oh I'm sure this is why she delayed me coming over. No doubt. She says she doesn't have the girls number (of fucking course). I obviously started flipping out and she was just "I'm not sure why you have to be so dramatic about this." I'm one of the most mellow laid back people you'll ever meet, it takes A LOT for me to totally freak out, but that just put me totally over the edge. It's so fucking typical of my mom to pull shady bullshit like this. She probably won't help me replace it because she's always blowing her money on dumb shit and other people to try to impress them. This woman had the audacity to say "I thought you were having a baby shower. This is not a big deal." Like people who bought me shit 3 years ago should buy me the exact same shit they bought me the first time. Like I should be expecting people to lavish me with huge gifts AGAIN. It's times like these that I remember exactly why I moved in with my dad as a kid.

JaymeeLH

Oh wow I have no words. I would be FUMING if my mom gave away all of my baby gear without my blessing. She better either have intentions of helping you guys replace it, or work her butt off to get in contact with the girl she donated everything to 

CandEChicago

Are you sure she didn't just sell it? Sounds plausible for funding the life style and is using the donation excuse to **try** to take the wind out of your sails and make her less of a bad guy.

I like the FB idea but maybe just say that there was an accident where you were storing your baby gear and nothing is salvageable. Better to be vague then to add fuel to the drama since that is how your mom would take it.

JRod13

CandEChicago said:

Are you sure she didn't just sell it? Sounds plausible for funding the life style and is using the donation excuse to **try** to take the wind out of your sails and make her less of a bad guy.

I like the FB idea but maybe just say that there was an accident where you were storing your baby gear and nothing is salvageable. Better to be vague then to add fuel to the drama since that is how your mom would take it.

It's totally possible that she sold it. She's that kind of person. Ugh. I don't know what the hell we're going to do. Thank GOD babies don't "need" that much. I just can't believe I thought we were prepared and now I have NOTHING.

mrsrroberson

@JRod13‌ Wow!!! I would have lost my cool too!! I'm sorry you're dealing with this and more sorry that your own mother caused it all. Definitely an inconsiderate move on your moms part. Booo!

Eora3

Wow! This is exactly the kind of thing my mom would pull (and has). Sadly, I think you need to remember this for the future. I would limit contact for a while so she understands that she has really messed up and her b.s. excuses are not cutting it.

Not to add fuel to the fire, but
you probably also need to consider what kind of relationship you want your child to have with her. She sounds unstable and deceitful. Do you really want your child experiencing this same feeling of disappointment and helplessness that you are feeling now?

krystrist2014

Oh man. I am so so sorry that you are having to deal with this bullshit! I cant believe your Mom would do that to you... and to have NO remorse?!? I am so sorry!

I definitely agree with some of the other posters that suggested posting a list on FB or even doing a registry but explaining to your friends and family that you share it with why you need new things/used things to be donated for temporary use at least.

leoandethansmom

Just another suggestion, I'm not sure what kind of area you live in by in my area we have a local FB yard sale page and there is baby stuff on there daily, most of it is in great condition and very very cheap.

Shortstack06

I am sorry I can't imagine the stress involved. Maybe go to her church and see if they have any baby items that have been donated that you could have. I am petty enough I would totally throw her under the bus with everyone in the church.

JRod13

Eora3 said:

Wow! This is exactly the kind of thing my mom would pull (and has). Sadly, I think you need to remember this for the future. I would limit contact for a while so she understands that she has really messed up and her b.s. excuses are not cutting it.

Not to add fuel to the fire, but
you probably also need to consider what kind of relationship you want your child to have with her. She sounds unstable and deceitful. Do you really want your child experiencing this same feeling of disappointment and helplessness that you are feeling now?

This is kinda why I feel like she pulled the rug out from under me. We were starting to work on our relationship and I thought things were getting better. She seemed like she wanted a better relationship with me and said she wanted to be around DS more. But you're right- I'm not setting my kids up for this kind of disappointment. She already favors my sister's kids over mine. I'm not letting her have that kind of impact anymore. Someone that would put our family in this kind of situation and literally rob her grandson of his belongings doesn't deserve to be around them.

JRod13

Thanks for the suggestions ladies- I just sent a request to join a local fb group where people buy and sell baby items. I also talked to my sister who has some stuff she said I could use. Apparently (according to my sis) she told her she had gotten rid of my stuff in April...yea, right after my BFP to add insult to injury. I can't believe I was spawned from such a selfish bitch.

ETA- it could have been right before my BFP. I'm just jumping to the most hateful conclusion at this point.

Eora3

I just wanted to add that I am so sorry. I know how deeply these things hurt and how easy it is to make excuses for them and let them do it all over again. Hugs!

leoandethansmom

JRod13 said:

Thanks for the suggestions ladies- I just sent a request to join a local fb group where people buy and sell baby items. I also talked to my sister who has some stuff she said I could use. Apparently (according to my sis) she told her she had gotten rid of my stuff in April...yea, right after my BFP to add insult to injury. I can't believe I was spawned from such a selfish bitch.

I'm sure you'll find great deals on the baby swap site, even in my small town there's still a lot of great items. I still feel awful for you, what a horrible horrible thing to do. At least you're getting prime examples of what to NEVER to do to your children. Silver lining, perhaps?

Creepy internet puppy hugs.

lovelovelove09

sorry this happened! We're on a tight budget too, we got a lot of our stuff second hand from mom-to-mom facebook pages, craigslist/kijiji and friends! good luck!

CandEChicago

I know you said that you were starting to build the relationship back and just tell your mom calmly that you were seeing progress. However, these inconsiderate actions really put a dent in the progress and at this point to regain some of the lost ground you need her to own up to her actions and step up to be a mother and help you.

It states why you are stepping back and if she wants it allows her to save face a little (in her head) by making amends. Then if she doesn't you also have support when you don't bring grand babies around, "I prefer them to be around role models who admit to their mistakes and take responsibility for them"

Based on your wording, I am annoyed that your sister knew about it (possibly in April?) and didn't tell you, but really glad she is trying to loan you stuff.

JunkieBrewster

I don't think you are, but you're not in Atlanta, are you? On the off chance you are, I have enough baby clothes for 2 kids and will gladly share!

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JRod13

JunkieBrewster said:

I don't think you are, but you're not in Atlanta, are you? On the off chance you are, I have enough baby clothes for 2 kids and will gladly share!

I'm like 45 minutes outside of Atlanta. That is such a sweet offer, you seriously made me cry.

As far as my sister, my mom told her today after our fallout that she had given it away in April. My sister is sneaky too, so who knows what really happened. I'm calming down a little bit now - I don't know why I even expect anything else out of her. It's not like this is the first time she's screwed me over and it only continues to happen because I let her. I think this is my final lesson on relying on her for anything ever. I'm so over her crap.

kayak11

Ugh, that's horrible! Did your sister know for the past several months that your mom had gotten rid of your stuff? If so, why didn't she say anything?

Also, ditto pp about fb sites for baby gear! There are always people selling stuff on local sites near me.

path75

That really sucks. So sorry you are going through this. Hopefully you can find some people to help you out or find some deals. 

beachy6

Oh my goodness. I don't have any advice but I am so mad for you. I would be livid!

arynras

OMG. I have no words. I am so sorry you're going through this. You have every right to have a breakdown.

JunkieBrewster

JRod13 said:

I don't think you are, but you're not in Atlanta, are you? On the off chance you are, I have enough baby clothes for 2 kids and will gladly share!

I'm like 45 minutes outside of Atlanta. That is such a sweet offer, you seriously made me cry. As far as my sister, my mom told her today after our fallout that she had given it away in April. My sister is sneaky too, so who knows what really happened. I'm calming down a little bit now - I don't know why I even expect anything else out of her. It's not like this is the first time she's screwed me over and it only continues to happen because I let her. I think this is my final lesson on relying on her for anything ever. I'm so over her crap.

I legit have no problem meeting you somewhere public halfway.

I also have a pack-n-play - its used but not much. It has a bassinet attachment with a diaper changer. I have an extra boppy, hats, bibs, mittens, sleepers. Ive got a TON of receiving blankets.

If you saw my post about all the crap my mom has been buying, and have no problem with second hand stuff, PM me and we will figure it out. If not, thats totally fine, too. I would not be offended.

I also have a Baby Trend Snap N Go I have had no luck selling (market is oversaturated) and you're welcome to it if you plan on using a bucket car seat.

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JunkieBrewster

Slaps said:

JRod13 said:

I don't think you are, but you're not in Atlanta, are you? On the off chance you are, I have enough baby clothes for 2 kids and will gladly share!

I'm like 45 minutes outside of Atlanta. That is such a sweet offer, you seriously made me cry. As far as my sister, my mom told her today after our fallout that she had given it away in April. My sister is sneaky too, so who knows what really happened. I'm calming down a little bit now - I don't know why I even expect anything else out of her. It's not like this is the first time she's screwed me over and it only continues to happen because I let her. I think this is my final lesson on relying on her for anything ever. I'm so over her crap.

I legit have no problem meeting you somewhere public halfway.

I also have a pack-n-play - its used but not much. It has a bassinet attachment with a diaper changer. I have an extra boppy, hats, bibs, mittens, sleepers. Ive got a TON of receiving blankets.

If you saw my post about all the crap my mom has been buying, and have no problem with second hand stuff, PM me and we will figure it out. If not, thats totally fine, too. I would not be offended.

I also have a Baby Trend Snap N Go I have had no luck selling (market is oversaturated) and you're welcome to it if you plan on using a bucket car seat.

And this ladies, is why D14 is so awesome! This actually made me cry today, @JunkieBrewster‌

Aww I was going to take it to donate but  am afraid some of the items would end up back at my Moms thrift store and she would know I gave them away, haha.

leoandethansmom

@JunkieBrewster FTW. You're awesome.

mrsrroberson

Birch113 said:

Slaps said:

JunkieBrewster said:

JRod13 said:

JunkieBrewster said:

I don't think you are, but you're not in Atlanta, are you? On the off chance you are, I have enough baby clothes for 2 kids and will gladly share!

I'm like 45 minutes outside of Atlanta. That is such a sweet offer, you seriously made me cry.

As far as my sister, my mom told her today after our fallout that she had given it away in April. My sister is sneaky too, so who knows what really happened. I'm calming down a little bit now - I don't know why I even expect anything else out of her. It's not like this is the first time she's screwed me over and it only continues to happen because I let her. I think this is my final lesson on relying on her for anything ever. I'm so over her crap.

I legit have no problem meeting you somewhere public halfway.

I also have a pack-n-play - its used but not much. It has a bassinet attachment with a diaper changer. I have an extra boppy, hats, bibs, mittens, sleepers. Ive got a TON of receiving blankets.

If you saw my post about all the crap my mom has been buying, and have no problem with second hand stuff, PM me and we will figure it out. If not, thats totally fine, too. I would not be offended.

I also have a Baby Trend Snap N Go I have had no luck selling (market is oversaturated) and you're welcome to it if you plan on using a bucket car seat.

And this ladies, is why D14 is so awesome!
This actually made me cry today, @JunkieBrewster‌

I'm crying with you!

I am so, so sorry @JRod13‌! That is just such a shitty thing your mother did to you, and to keep hiding what she's done is an extra slap in the face. So many (((hugs))) for you, lady!



And this is why the crazies can say all they want, but you ladies are alright in my book!

:x :x

SoxFan777

JRod13 said:

Are you sure she didn't just sell it? Sounds plausible for funding the life style and is using the donation excuse to **try** to take the wind out of your sails and make her less of a bad guy. I like the FB idea but maybe just say that there was an accident where you were storing your baby gear and nothing is salvageable. Better to be vague then to add fuel to the drama since that is how your mom would take it.

It's totally possible that she sold it. She's that kind of person. Ugh. I don't know what the hell we're going to do. Thank GOD babies don't "need" that much. I just can't believe I thought we were prepared and now I have NOTHING.

I would contact the pastor and explain the situation, perhaps asking for him or her to contact the woman on your behalf. While it's unlikely you'll be able to contact her directly (the pastor likely won't just share her info), it will perhaps result in (1) showing the pastor what a dipshit your mom is and (2) maybe recovering some of your stuff or (3) the pastor saying, "hey, I know so and so has a ton of baby stuff... Let me check for you. Pastors are awesome for finding solutions to stuff. Hope something works out!

jennielee123

Wow. Just wow.

 I would be furious! How could she not tell you! What did she expect to happen? Eventually you were going to find out, I can't believe she wouldn't tell you ASAP so you can replace it all. So sorry you're having to deal with this added stress.

feeshah

WTH! man that is just so wrong on so many levels. I am sorry you have to go through all this and I know the fact it's your mother is just the icing on the cake. To go from thinking you have everything ready to go to square one.

I'm glad to see there are people here willing to help you (and they say D14 are crazy bishes...CRAZY NICE)

bowlwoman

This sucks, and I'm so sorry. I agree with PP who said to not even try to get it back. We gave all our baby gear away a few years ago to my cousin and a friend, and even though our friend's baby is getting too old/big for the stuff now, we've asked about getting it back if they were done with it and we got a no. No biggie since we didn't have expectations of needing it back at the time. This is a completely different situation, but I don't know what you could do about it now. Sucks, and your mom sucks for pulling this shit.

And kudos to @JunkieBrewster‌ for offering her extra stuff. When the universe closes a door, it opens a window.