So I feel guilty...

loriann091

I really want to breast feed because I know all the benefits for baby and for myself. However, I have 0 tolerance for pain. I've been reading how horribly painful and uncomfortable breast feeding can be. So I've contemplated solely pumping and not physically breast feeding. But then I feel terribly guilty because I know part of breast feeding is physically bonding with your baby. I feel like if I only pump then my baby will miss out on that bonding/I'll be frowned upon. So... I'm in a tough spot. Is anyone else feeling this way, or can shed a little light on the subject?

loriann091

Labor pain is something I can't avoid and I've accepted that. BF pain is avoidable and a choice.

maltwin1

First off, you don't need to feel guilty about whatever you decide. As long as you ARE feeding the baby, how is secondary.

Secondly, I personally didn't think breast feeding was painful. I know it is for a lot of people, but I think every circumstance is different. If you want to give it a try and at least see if it's painful to you or not, there is no rule saying you can't decide to pump if you find out it's not for you.

As far as the bond goes, holding your baby and feeding him/her IS bonding whether you're using breast or bottle.

WanderingA

Breastfeeding is different for every person.  For me, there was no real "pain" involved, just a minute (literally about 60 seconds) of soreness every time she latched for the first week.  Then my nipples toughened up, her latch improved, and there was absolutely zero pain or discomfort.  Compared to labor and healing from giving birth (vaginally or via c-section) the discomfort was pretty much nothing. 

If you want to breastfeed I would not rule it out.  Pumping is really difficult as well and not necessarily (or at all) an easier path.  My best advice is to go into it with an open mind and understand that we are not born experts on breastfeeding, it often takes time and adjustments and sometimes professional interference.  The most important thing is that you feed your baby whether that be on the breast, through pumped milk or with formula. 

t8keepr03

I would say try it and get your own opinion on it before making a decision. I said I was breastfeeding my DD until she was 1, I wasn't going to pump until 10 weeks, etc. Well I had a hard time with it and was in a lot of pain, I went back and forth between lactation appointments and the pediatrician because my DD was losing weight. In the end it was discovered I had no supply and she was starving. I felt so guilty and ashamed of myself. I cried for days because I had to formula feed.

Well I soon realized what previous posters have stated, do what is best for you and just feed your baby. After I understood this everyone in the house was happy and we could enjoy each other. This time I plan to play it by ear. I will try and see if I have a different enjoyable experience. If I don't I will switch to formula without hesitation and without making myself and other making me feel guilty. You truly just have to do what is best for you and not what others think.

Everyone has a different experience breast feeding and it's not for everyone. Everyone feeds their baby different. All that matters is that baby is happy and you are happy. I bonded with my baby just as well as anyone else.

dacora

I've been feeling the same way about it, but neither of us will know unless we try. It's not always painful from what I've read, so you don't know if it will be that way for you. Give it a try, if you can't stand it then pump. There are plenty of women who haven't been able to breast feed, and it never caused any problems with bonding. You will still get to hold your wonderful baby while you feed him/her, and you can even get your partner to help so they can get some bonding time too!

I was stressing about the same thing a lot over the past couple weeks, and after talking to my husband and my mom (who was unable to breast feed me because of problems latching) I feel a lot better about the idea of trying it out, and pumping if it doesn't work out.

jmcgra06

Another vote for not painful. Everyone has a different experience, but taking advantage of lactation consultants can make a huge difference. Also going in with a positive attitude, and knowing discomfort is temporary. Good luck!

jennjilljo

You shouldn't feel bad. If you can, you can and if you can't, you can't. You can give it a shot and if it's too painful or you don't feel like you can deal with the level of pain it causes you for the amount of time it takes to get used to it then switch to the pump. Personally, I felt pumping was more uncomfortable than BFing but I have really small boobs. BF just took my nipple where as I felt like the pump was pulling on my whole boob. After DS and I figured out the latch it only took about 2 weeks for me to get used to feedings and the only feedings that bothered me were the ones I was actually awake for instead of being dazed and tired.

Holding your baby while you feed them will help you bond either way along with other normal parenting things like changing them, rocking them and talking to them. It's a good sign that you're already so worried about doing what's best for your baby. I think you'll do just fine falling into a routine that works for you guys.

boxerrrmama85

Do what works for you if mamma ain't happy, nobody's happy!

crystalw88

I've been on the fence as well. I feel that my breasts are sexual objects for my husband. I know that God created breasts for women to have and for the purpose of feeding their children however that's just how I feel about them. I'm going to give it a try and if I don't like it, I'll pump and bottle feed my breast milk.

Thank you all for the encouraging words.

jennjilljo

@crystalw88‌ I felt that way before BFing, too. I was actually surprised by how naturally I feel into it. Hopefully, you'll be pleasantly surprised, too. If not, at least you gave it a try.

chickyclg

Do what you think is best. I am going to attempt to exclusively pump, mainly for both mine and DHs selfish reasons.  I don't want to be viewed as the only food source, and my SIL BF her youngest for 18 months and my niece was so attached to her nobody could hold her (not even my BIL) and my SIL could not even leave the house with out LO freaking out.  She keeps telling me that her LO was a rare case for being that extreme, but I can't imagine how sane of a person I would be if the babies are like that.  As soon as she was weaned she was a completely different baby.  

DH doesn't want to feel left out of any potential "bonding time" either.

If you are wanting to EP I really suggest researching it a lot now, it can be painful at times, but not unbearable.  Researching it now has helped me become confident with the idea, because a lot of people are really negative about pumping.  From what I have researched you may have to supplement with formula at first but don't let that encourage you to miss a pumping session.  From the get go our goal is for me to pump every 2 hours for 20 min, including through the night where DH will feed the babies while I pump and I plan to stay up long enough for a second pumping session.  

You may need a hospital grade pump at first, I am planning on renting one until I get the hang of it and then switch to a Medela PIS. Also call and see if your insurance covers a pump,  mine actually covered several different styles one of which is a hospital grade, but I decided against it for accessory reasons.

Cohensmommy16

It's a piece of cake compared to labor and delivery. It'll get easier as time goes on. And it'll be so worth it... you can do it.

MrsTucker2011

Also consider using a nipple shield. I had to use one for latch reasons. They're also meant for people with pain problems. They gave one to me in the hospital. You could try using that and see if it helps you transition to not using one.

Keep in mind too, that the nursing part itself isn't the only reason it can be painful. Engorgement and milk coming in can also be a part of it. Even if you're pumping, or if you decide to not use breast milk at all you will still have to deal with it.

Don't psych yourself up about it being scary. If you keep telling yourself it will be unbearable, then you'll believe it. I don't do pain either, and I'd much rather nurse than get poked with a needle.

HerHighness

I wouldn't call it painful, id call it more uncomfortable. It was sore at latch only for a few weeks. Once baby was in and eating it didnt hurt one bit. I hates pumping a lot more than breastfeeding.

What is important is that you do what works best for you and your baby. If you're miserable that is a bad thing. If you really want to try i would try to commit to doing it for a month. After that its smooth sailing. Id so much rather deal with a 20 second nipple pinch than wash and sterilize bottles 10 times a day.

mishka29

I did find BF painful. Not tears worthy though. But it was really only those first few seconds of latching during the first week or so. After that it was smooth sailing until 15 months. I wouldn't let your fear of the pain stop you from doing it. BF or pumping your nipples need time to adjust. You'll get the hang of it in no time.

loriann091

Thanks everyone. I guess being a FTM makes me nervous about all the things I don't know/can't control. I'm 100% willing to try, and to give it some time. I know everyone is different, as are their experiences. All that matters is that baby is happy and healthy!

Dani_Love

I would try it and see what you think.  For me it was only painful when I was in the hospital but the LC came in and helped me with hold and latch and gave me some lanolin and from then on it was pain free! 

jovencita1224

Breastfeeding my first child was never painful. Not even a little bit.

Breastfeeding my second was like breastfeeding a piranha. I had to stop at 6 months because it was so miserable i didn't even want to feed her. And obviously she needed food and stuff. So we switched to formula.

Pumping is extremely unpleasant for me. It doesn't hurt, per se, but it is absolutely one of the most miserable things I can think of having to do every day, multiple times a day. I would like to not have to pump, but alas, I will be returning to work and will have to if I want to keep breastfeeding.

Every kid is different. Every boob is different. Give it a try, and you may be pleasantly surprised. If it's too much-go for formula and don't feel bad.

mommadozer

Definitely try the nipple shields. My friends swear by them and I am definitely going to use them as well.

bhjones1980

Bf was never painful for me, maybe a little uncomfortable for the first week or so, but never bad. Now pumping, it did it for a year and when I would travel and have to pump exclusively, that hurt! It isn't as natural motion as nursing so it can cause all sort of friction and it lead to bloody nipples more than once...

ConstanceGoodspeed

You will hear a disproportionate number of painful, horror stories about bf'ing because women who have no problems don't need to post or ask for support in real life.

Breastfeeding was great for me. I miss that down time with DS and it is one of the things I most look forward to with this LO (see? Boring.).

KMommytobe

I did not find breastfeeding to be painful at all, it really shouldn't be and if it's something you'd really like to do I would absolutely try it and if you have any discomfort to speak to a lactation consultant. However, do not feel guilty whether you breastfeed, pump, or use formula. You do what's best for you and baby, and that is different for everyone.

Ditto on someone else saying birth is painful. Sometimes epidurals fail too (raises hand) but honestly the pain is only temporary and your baby is obviously totally worth it at the end. Women are so unbelievably strong, you can conquer anything!

delaneykai

BFing wasn't painful for me at all.  I have heard horror stories, too, but also countless stories of women who have had some pain/discomfort, but found ways to help alleviate it.  If you really want to breast feed, there are a lot of things that you can do to try.  When my milk came in, it was uncomfortable, so I would take a hot shower and massage some of the milk out to relieve some of the pressure.  If you are afraid of cracked nipples, use lanolin, your own breast milk, or Soothies.  I had a clogged duct one time when DD was about 10 months old, so I did dangle feeding and would massage the area that was clogged.  You can get a TON of support from other BFing moms if you find yourself in pain, as well as from your local lactation consultants.

mommy510

Breastfeeding really isn't that painful. Plus, you will have just gone through child birth.
I used a nipple shield with DS1 and never had any pain at all. When he was about 3 weeks old, I stopped using the shield and we were great. I will say this though, at 3am when you can't find that shield and your baby is screaming, you will be frantic.
With DS2 I opted not to use a shield. At first, my nipples were sore and cracked a bit, but I slathered on nipple cream and was totally fine.
After pushing a baby out your whoo-ha, BF is nothing. Even if you get an epidural, there is still plenty of pain when that wears off.

ordinary1

First of all, don't feel guilty about how you feed your child. You have to do what is best for you and your family. If you absolutely loathe bf'ing that isn't going to create a great environment.  Second of all, pumping isn't exactly pain free either.  Third, I would wait until you try to decide if it is too painful or not.  For some people it was/is, others not so much.

RedGiant

As others have said, as long as your baby is eating, growing, and thriving, you're doing the right thing. 

For me BF was painful for the first 24 hours in the hospital until a nurse and lactation consultant helped me adjust my son's latch. Then it wasn't painful that I can remember. The first time I used my pump I didn't have it lined up right and rubbed part of my nipple raw...worse pain then than from BF. 

I found out the hard way (having to throw out all my frozen stored milk and miss a bachelorette party) that I have too much lipase in my breast milk. So it had all soured in the freezer and was not usable. I never knew that could be an issue. So, if you plan to pump just keep this in mind if your milk doesn't keep as long. 

https://kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/milkstorage/lipase-expressedmilk/

https://www.justbreastfeeding.com/diet-concerns/lipase/

Sahara6971

MrsTucker2011 said:

Also consider using a nipple shield. I had to use one for latch reasons. They're also meant for people with pain problems. They gave one to me in the hospital. You could try using that and see if it helps you transition to not using one. Keep in mind too, that the nursing part itself isn't the only reason it can be painful. Engorgement and milk coming in can also be a part of it. Even if you're pumping, or if you decide to not use breast milk at all you will still have to deal with it. Don't psych yourself up about it being scary. If you keep telling yourself it will be unbearable, then you'll believe it. I don't do pain either, and I'd much rather nurse than get poked with a needle.

THIS!!!!!!!!! I had a really hard time with both of my babies latching on. To the point where my nipples were bleeding. Nipple shields made it not hurt even a tiny bit. And I am going to give you an amazing tip, lol. I would keep one in my bra at all times. Right in between my boobs. That way, I always had one on hand rather than having to search for it when the baby was hungry.

natsgirl12

Since a few people have thrown out the idea of using nipple shields, I wanted to share this:

https://kellymom.com/bf/concerns/child/wean-shield/

Also, as everyone has said, BFing is different for everyone. So give it a try and see how it goes. EPing sounds easy but in practice, it isn't. Plus, when your baby is on the boob, your body figured out what your baby needs and adjusts the milk accordingly (seriously, our bodies are amazing!) but this doesn't happen with pumping.

Serious pain shouldn't happen if everything's okay (no lip/tongue ties, good latch, etc). Sensitivity happens for the first few weeks.

jovencita1224

I should add that my #2 baby pirhana actually had an upper lip tie that wasn't diagnosed until her first trip to the dentist. I thought there was an issue, but the doctor tried to tell me there is no such thing as a lip tie without a tounge tie. Wrong. If I had pushed harder I could have had it diagnosed and fixed, perhaps breastfeeding her could have been as easy and pain-free as my first.

Angeldcf

crystalw88 said:

 I feel that my breasts are sexual objects for my husband. .

WOAH.  I'm not flaming you for feeling this- I admire your honesty, but this statement makes me very sad as another female.  Your current view is that part of YOUR body is simply a sex toy for another person. 

It saddens me because you've bought into the false notion that you're not fully human- your body parts are simply sexual playthings for others' enjoyment.  You admit you "understand" their true purpose (making/providing food to sustain another life) but truly don't view them this way.

IMO- your hesitancy towards BF isn't fully from fear of potential pain; it's much deeper.  You view that body part as only sexual and therefore unsuitable for baby (somewhat ironic considering baby is likely going to come out of your vagina).  This isn't abnormal given our society's sexualization of women, but still makes me feel sad that as women, we can struggle with reconciling the true purpose of these body parts. 

Argh- I'll get off my soapbox.  I get ticked watching some commercials/ads where the implication is a woman's power and worth only come from her boobs/sexuality or her ability to attract others by her body/looks (not intelligence, career, etc).

febmom4

From what I've been told if it hurts you're not doing it right-it's not supposed to hurt.

Paleomama

I pumped for a year because after my son was not able to breast feed. I promise you pumping is not selfish and it is a lot of hard work. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about that choice. Also my son is almost 6 and loves his mommy very much so it did not effect our bond one bit.

Emmys_Email@hotmail.com

With my first I wasn't able to nurse, she simply wouldn't latch! I feel like we still had plenty of bonding. My hubby and I made a rule that only him or I would bottle feed her so that time was always ours. Some people thought I was crazy but nobody comes and asked to feed the baby when you're nursing so why should it be different with a bottle? Do what's right for you but I'd say give it a shot it may be more bearable than you're anticipating

CogDis

This:

Angeldcf said:

crystalw88 said:

 I feel that my breasts are sexual objects for my husband. .

WOAH.  I'm not flaming you for feeling this- I admire your honesty, but this statement makes me very sad as another female.  Your current view is that part of YOUR body is simply a sex toy for another person. 

It saddens me because you've bought into the false notion that you're not fully human- your body parts are simply sexual playthings for others' enjoyment.  You admit you "understand" their true purpose (making/providing food to sustain another life) but truly don't view them this way.

IMO- your hesitancy towards BF isn't fully from fear of potential pain; it's much deeper.  You view that body part as only sexual and therefore unsuitable for baby (somewhat ironic considering baby is likely going to come out of your vagina).  This isn't abnormal given our society's sexualization of women, but still makes me feel sad that as women, we can struggle with reconciling the true purpose of these body parts. 

Argh- I'll get off my soapbox.  I get ticked watching some commercials/ads where the implication is a woman's power and worth only come from her boobs/sexuality or her ability to attract others by her body/looks (not intelligence, career, etc).

NDshawna

I say try it first and then make your decision. I'm a FTM and not looking forward to BF at ALL. But I'm going to give it a shot and see how it goes! Don't feel guilty though. At the end of the day your baby will be healthy regardless of how you feed her!

mishka29

I agree that everyone's experience is different. I should add that it was painful for me while my nipples "toughened up" bc DD had the sucking power of a vacuum cleaner. When the midwife tested her suction power she said she could have lifted her with the one finger it was so strong.

I'm not a big fan of the unknown either since I'm a planner. I found that reading other birth stories and watching those baby stories helped me bc then I knew what was possible.