NTTGPR-Kids say the darndest things!

mechedes

As a teacher, I hear kids come up with the funniest things! It's hard to keep a straight face sometimes. But these two are from family:

1.My kid brother at about 6 years and wanted a new bike(his old bike was perfectly fine). When I asked him why he replied with, "I don't know, I must be going through a mid-life crisis"

2. My son and I were at the grocery store when he was about 3 years old. I picked up some feminine pads and he asked what they were. I told him they were sort of like band-aids for mommy. He put his little arms around me and said, "I'm sorry, you must have a really big cut"

LMAO..

Your turn..

mechedes

@wineandwalter‌, so did he really tell you to do that??!!

@Beeorange‌ haha!! Well, pooberty is a pain.

Cythe

At family Christmas many years ago, my nephew was probably 6 or so. My sister had gone in to check on the kids and came out saying that nephew kept farting when she went in. My brother then went in to ask his son what was going on, and he responds "I can't help it dad, every time I see her I just feel like farting!".

Oh, there was also the time that same nephew (only younger) asked teenage me "Cyfe - he had this adorable lisp - why do you have elbows?"

I think we all know was "elbows" were.

mallory4284

I work with toddlers so mine are typically always miss pronunciations.... One that stands out the most is we were looking through an English/Spanish book that had "everyday" items.... We were saying the Spanish words and this one little boy in particular was repeating them all. We got to the Spanish word for purses and said, "las bolsas," and without missing a beat he yells out, "applesauce!!"

And there's a set of twins in my class that can't pronounce "frog" or "fox".... I imagine you can figure out what it sounds like (hint: rhymes with duck) lol one day their mom came in and told is that their parents let them bring A toy frog into church with them and it fell on the floor so they started yelling loudly in the middle of church for their "frog" their parents were embarrassed!

SpartanChick88

DD and I were out to lunch with a friend when she announced "when my daddy eats, he burps!"

The other day DD and I were showering after the pool and she started playing drum with my pooch. I told her "that's from when you were in my belly." She didn't even skip a beat before asking "from when you ate me?" In her defense, I regularly tell her I will eat her when she's being a pill (as in, this is why animals eat their young) but I usually wind up nibbling her tummy or tushie instead

greysweatshirt

"Monsters aren't real.... Only
Robots" 8 yrs old
After five seconds of contemplation I could only agree with her.

BillyHorrible

I get them on the daily.

Last night I asked him what we should get my brother for his birthday - "A purse."

We sprayed his hair colors for a carnival and my mom asked if tattoos were next on the agenda - "yes, at the airport sometime."

shannon2662

My daughter isn't quite two yet so hers are mispronunciations. Basically sock is cock and fork is the F word. Try explaining those words coming out of your child's mouth at church! We are working with her.

catahoulatte

I keep a journal of stuff DS says. The other day it was close to bedtime, and he goes "I don't want my milk anymore. Milk is for babies". I said "No it's not, I love milk!" and he said "No mommy, you drink wine."

Smart kid.

Last night when I was reading Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, he said "How are those letters climbing the trees, mommy? They don't even have eyes."

He's too literal for his own good.

cateyes543

In the store last week with my 3 year old niece and she asked if she could pick out a doll for her collection and I agreed. She looks at the Muppet dolls and grabs a Miss Piggy doll, stares at me and then as loud as it seemed she possibly could, yells "Miss Piggy has the biggest boobs ever!" And all I could do was agree because that pig had some huge boobs! 

When I worked in a daycare center we had one 4 year old who was way to smart for her own good. She came in one day and states with a straight face "Mom forgot to buckle my carseat. This is what happens to adults when they shouldn't have kids." FWIW the mom was an awesome mom, having a bad day due to staying up late to take care of a 4 year old and study for the bar exam which was that day. I give her a pass for the car seat opps.  

Bee1112

When I worked with preschoolers we had a week learning about the police. The police visited and showed the class their handcuffs and asked if the kids knew what they were. One little girl gets excited, raises her hand and shouts "I know I know, those are handcuffs, my mom has some in her room!" I along with my co teachers and police officers died.

StikierIten

I have a friend with very a very spirited DD, so when her son (3) was being a pill, his sister (8) said "oh take a nap!!!!"

Another gem was when she said "Shit!" and then we asked "What did you say?" she thought about it, smirked (because she knew she was in trouble) and proceeded to say "FUCK!" We had to leave the room because we were laughing so hard.

catwine

My stories are from when I was a toddler and when H was young.  My mom heard me saying "eff off" over and over but had no idea where I heard those words because nobody swore around me.  Turns out, I was trying to pull off my sock and just couldn't pronounce it properly.

When H was little his family was leaving church one Sunday and he yelled "There sure are a lot of fat butts around here!" since his eye level was butt level.  Apparently the ladies who's butts he was referring to laughed.

Oh, I thought of a recent one!  I've had 2 different kids ask their parents if I'm a boy or girl and I'm assuming the confusion is due to my short hair.

effthisnoise

My aunt was on the phone with a (male) CSR when one of her little kids spilled a bottle of Summer's Eve or something on the carpet. Her daughter yelled really loudly near the phone, "Mama, we spilled your vagina wash!!"

Two of my cousins were 4 and 2 1/2 when my aunt's mom was driving them somewhere and someone cut her off. "You stupid b*****d!" she said and then was horrified because my aunt was strict about people not cursing in front of her kids. The 4-year old scolded her and said, "Mimi, we are NOT allowed to say 'stupid!'"

Belou52579

These are hilarious!

One time N came running out of his room claiming his stuffed animal frog pushed him as he was climbing up the ladder to his bunk bed and that a little pee came out if his penis and gave him a rash.

Another time I was telling him he sounded like a screaming banshee and when I asked him if he knew what that was he said "yah, Marty (our dog) once made a banshee and it jumped up and bit me on my penis."

Another time we were at an outdoor restaurant in a marina, he had this stuffed cat named Scrumptious (named it himself) who came in a little yellow purse. As we were leaving, he thrusted his cat and purse at my husband and told him to "hold my purse, I've got a beer" . It was a bottled root beer but the people were laughing as we left.

Belou52579

Oh my nephew is so funny, too. One time in Target (at 3 years) I had him sitting in the cart playing with a new dollar section toy when an older woman came in and was telling me how adorable he is. Immediately he looks at the woman with a scowl on his face and says "you can't have my toy! GO AWAY OLD WOMAN!" I was mortified!

Another time I was with my SIL getting ice cream with both of my nephews. As we were eating and sitting in the car my oldest nephew ( still 3) asked me if was a princess, I said yes. He told me that he was an angel. So I asked him what mommy was and he said angel again. I asked him what his little brother was and he said "a thumb". OK. So finally my SIL asks him what his father is (my brother, whom she's happily married to) and he says "daddy is a fuck. A FUCK, A FUCK, A FUCK". I almost spit my ice cream all over.

catahoulatte

Belou52579 said:

Oh my nephew is so funny, too. One time in Target (at 3 years) I had him sitting in the cart playing with a new dollar section toy when an older woman came in and was telling me how adorable he is. Immediately he looks at the woman with a scowl on his face and says "you can't have my toy! GO AWAY OLD WOMAN!" I was mortified! Another time I was with my SIL getting ice cream with both of my nephews. As we were eating and sitting in the car my oldest nephew ( still 3) asked me if was a princess, I said yes. He told me that he was an angel. So I asked him what mommy was and he said angel again. I asked him what his little brother was and he said "a thumb". OK. So finally my SIL asks him what his father is (my brother, whom she's happily married to) and he says "daddy is a fuck. A FUCK, A FUCK, A FUCK". I almost spit my ice cream all over.

I legit laughed out loud on the phone at work. Whoooops! But hahahaha!!

holliberry28

I pushed in to the preschool class for one of my speech sessions today and the teacher was reading "Oh, David."  She turned to the page where he had a bucket of water because he to clean up the mess he made on the desks and asks, "What is David doing?" to which one little boy yells out, "the ice bucket challenge! 

mechedes

As I was teaching contractions one of my students tells me,
"those aren't contractions, contractions are what made my mommy cry when she had my little brother!"

I then had to teach mini-lesson on multiple meaning words.

pmcd886

**Lurker popping in** I teach kindergarten so I hear some hilarious things. Last year there was one little girl in my class who had a new baby brother at home. She asked her friend at recess, "Did you know moms are like cows? They make milk."

HealthyIsBeautiful

My 9 year old sister was getting her hair cut and the hairdresser asked her if she wanted to donate her hair to kids with cancer and she said,"sure! As long as my hair isn't used for DNA testing!" Rofl

mechedes

lovegrilledcheese said:

I worked with a second grader once a while back who came into her therapy session and asked me if I had a wedding band. I said no that I wasn't married and she said, "Lovegrilled cheese you mean to tell me you can't get a man?"

Hahaha!! That's hilarious!