???

nymom1015

dashofreality

It was a scratch. They happen, I would never think to text another parent for a scratch. If it was really bad I may have asked the DCP to make sure the other girls nails aren't too long. They are toddlers, don't read so much into this.

nymom1015

it was actually 4 scratches ,  3 on her nose and one on her cheek, so she looked like she was through the wars when she got home. if it were one scratch i probably would have let it go. she scratched her with all of her nails at once, but yes she did make sure her nails were cut.

nymom1015

wow really disclosing that information? I can't even imagine that. My day care is extremely honest, and that's why i love about them. 

ss265

DanielleM1981 said:

wow really disclosing that information? I can't even imagine that. My day care is extremely honest, and that's why i love about them. 

It's nothing to do with honesty - it's a privacy issue.

It sounds like your DC handled the issue and it's just a scratch. I would let it go.

MommyAtty

Considering my 2 year old came about an inch from kneeling on my 4 month old's face this morning while pretending to be a horse on our bed (gives new meaning to the phrase horsing around), I would let it go. I know it's hard. But toddlers in groups are going to occasionally hurt each other, intentionally or not. As long as the caregivers are handling it, I would be okay. And this kind of thing would happen whether she was in daycare, at a play group, in Sunday school, or on a playground.

nymom1015

I was not seeking an apology, did i say that once in the above? I wanted to make sure she was aware of what happen, although my daycare provider told me she was talking to the parent. I wanted to make sure I spoke with her also.  I understand my "angel", may do the same one day.  I realize they are children and things may happen, but i would be the first one to contact another parent to ask how their child was, and to let them know i spoke with my child to put them at ease.  That's just the type of person i am.  

I did let it go. i was just asking for advise/ opinions since it's the first time i experienced this.  

nymom1015

To be honest this is the first i ever heard about the privacy policies.  I guess it's more popular than i realize. Thanks for your opinions, appreciate it,  as a new mom it's good to hear other moms opinions,  but i wasn't looked to be attacked and i did feel that way from some of the moms above. 

Virgo17

DanielleM1981 said:

I was not seeking an apology, did i say that once in the above? I wanted to make sure she was aware of what happen, although my daycare provider told me she was talking to the parent. I wanted to make sure I spoke with her also.  I understand my "angel", may do the same one day.  I realize they are children and things may happen, but i would be the first one to contact another parent to ask how their child was, and to let them know i spoke with my child to put them at ease.  That's just the type of person i am.  

I did let it go. i was just asking for advise/ opinions since it's the first time i experienced this.  

This doesn't make any sense to me.  If you knew DCP was addressing it with the parent of the other child there was no reason for you to make sure she was "aware of what happened".  It sounds like you were beating a dead horse to be honest.  We all feel bad when our kids get injured, but it is par for the course.  If you trust your DCP, then leave it up to them to address the situation.  Of course, if there is a pattern there might be cause for concern.  

VOR

DanielleM1981 said:

I was not seeking an apology, did i say that once in the above? I wanted to make sure she was aware of what happen, although my daycare provider told me she was talking to the parent. I wanted to make sure I spoke with her also.  I understand my "angel", may do the same one day.  I realize they are children and things may happen, but i would be the first one to contact another parent to ask how their child was, and to let them know i spoke with my child to put them at ease.  That's just the type of person i am.  

I did let it go. i was just asking for advise/ opinions since it's the first time i experienced this.  

Don't start backtracking.  As for the apology, you said in your OP:

We were just at this little girls bday party the week prior, so i thought i would have received at least a text asking how she was, and apologizing for her daughters behavior, so i wrote her instead.

That's exactly what you wanted - an apology.

Then to the bolded - you wanted to make sure she knew what happened even though the DC told you they'd handle it?  Please. SO not your place.  this really comes across that you actually wanted her to feel bad. 

It might be "the kind of person you are" to reach out, but not all parents are - RESPECT that.  Stop trying to force her, or anyone else, to act how YOU think they should act. 

nymom1015

Wow some miserable people here.   Was not expecting such bullying comments.  

jlaOK

It definitely sounds like you over reacted and are now backtracking.  My DS was bit by the daughter of one of the daycare teachers who I'm friendly with.  He's 4 and so he told me who bit him.  I never would have said anything to her about it and definitely wouldn't have expected an apology.  They are kids.  Crap happens.

mommatotwo2

Its hard to see our child hurt, but this was an overreaction. The daycare should not have told you who the child was, for the exact reason you just showed. Your reaction and your contacting the mom.

This stuff will happen, many more times. Its one thing if your child is actually in danger and it's not addressed, but these "playground scuffles" are part of childhood.

VOR

LOL.  we're miserable because we don't agree with what you did and actually find it inappropriate?  That's called a "difference of opinion".  Not "bullying".

Good grief.

nymom1015

Disagree completely there's a nice way of giving your opinion. Not making someone feel horrible about something.

djm31012

I will take the other side of one part of this and agree with you that had roles been reversed and it was a mom I knew and was friendly with, I would have called to apologize. You never know when the shoe will be on the other foot. However, i also realize not all moms would handle situations the way I do. Thats life. And its a scratch. I know its so sad to see them hurt, and definitely would be wary if it was a repeat event, but I would just chalk it up to the fact that thats what toddlers do, sometimes and move forward.  You dont know exactly what happened, or if your daughter would have reacted the same way.  lYour little angel will always be your little angel, but it doesnt mean other parents wont be annoyed by something she does one day.

nymom1015

Thanks DJM, my point exactly, we are friendly in the sense or daughters are friends so I thought it was odd she didn't reach out.

shannm

DanielleM1981 said:

Disagree completely there's a nice way of giving your opinion. Not making someone feel horrible about something.

Like the way that you called the other parent? Talk about bullying!

mlee116

ArkansasMom22 said:

How would I have reacted? I would've said "Thanks for letting me know, but don't you have privacy policies in place that prevent you from telling me the name of the other child?" And I would've never called the other mom because it's something for the daycare to discuss with her.

This. One reason is because parents will then associate the other kid as being "bad". Kids at this age will scratch, bite, and hit if they cannot verbalize their needs. It is more important for the DCP to understand the cause of the actions and use that to prevent further issues. I would be concerned if a DCP was telling me the names and details around another child's actions because that means that they may be discussing my child with other parents.

This.  The parent wasn't even there so why should she have to apologize?  

I'll admit I was a little peeved when DS came home with his first bite mark but then a few days later I saw him slap some kid right in the face.  I realized that toddlers can be buttholes and my sweet child is just like the rest of them. It just comes with the territory IMO.  This could happen anywhere, not just DC.

nymom1015

?

mommatotwo2

It's going to be way more awkward now. If she felt the need to apologize, she would have. Instead, you pretty much put her in the spot for an apology. I also wouldn't assume birthday party attendance made us friends. It's the norm for a classmate to be invited to a birthday party.

Mustardseed2007

Wow there are so many things here. I was about to write you a lengthy response but I see other people have now already done it and you're not really taking any of them seriously.

Bottom line, it's something that is going to happen again. Next time your daughter may be the actor rather than the recipient. So you should just think about what you're going to do when you are in the other mom's shoes.

nymom1015

nymom1015

mommatotwo2

I'm telling you, if some mom called me out because my kid acted like a kid and wanted an apology, I'd say whatever I had to, to make the conversation end.

[Deleted User]

mommatotwo2 said:

I'm telling you, if some mom called me out because my kid acted like a kid and wanted an apology, I'd say whatever I had to, to make the conversation end.

I would then promptly call daycare and discuss their privacy policy.  This is the exact reason daycares don't disclose this information...parents who go seeking their own justice, apology, etc.

And BTW- a mean response would be "Holy fuckballs, calm down you are being a crazycakes."

[Deleted User]

Look- you either trust your daycare to handle these situations or you don't.  If you don't, seek new care as you don't trust them with the most basic aspect of childcare.

[Deleted User]

K3am said:

@DanielleM1981 - editing your posts doesn't make it go away... But cool. Now it won't be awkward. 

I sense the Bump Godz deleting this soon anyway.  They tend to only respond to (newbie) posters without legitimate cause of deactivation/deletion. 

mlee116

wife07mom09 said: You overreacted and should Apologize to the other mother for harassing her. Calling her out was inappproporte. _______________________________________________________________________

Mmm, I disagree.  This would make it even more awkward.  The OP just needs to drop it and leave the other parent alone about it.

minirella

I didn't get to read your actual post but if it was a first time thing, I'd let it go. I would not have contacted the parent. If it happened at the daycare, it is the daycare responsibility to discuss the problem with the parents.

My child has been to several childcare centers due to various reasons. The first one we had ever been to, I pulled her due to biting issues and the director response. My child was only there on T/TH and in a months time (8-9 days out of the month) she was bit 17 or 18 times. I forget as it has been over 3 years but at that time, I was keeping a running total. There were days that she was bit 2 or 3x per day and they were typically on her back. I understood things happen but that was excessive. I addressed the issue with the teachers several times with no resolution. I, then, went to the director. Wrote her an email to be exact and she sent me one back telling me that my child was the issue - that with her being on a part-time schedule, she wasn't learning who the biters were and to stay away from them. Shit response in my opinion. She was 15 months old, couldn't remember colors on a daily basis, yet she is suppose to remember who the biters are and stay away from them. Go figure, why even have the teachers. I was so ticked off at the response that I pulled my child without even having care elsewhere.

To make an already long post short, the daycare had the rule that they don't tell who the biters are but I did find out who one was through Kindermusik because I recognized one of the children from her class and asked if her daughter was also being bit. Turns out her daughter was 1 of the biters. Learned from that parent there were a total of 3 biters in a class of 10. Most daycares have a biting policy unfortunately some of them don't follow-thru with those policies. For them, it was easier to see a part-timer leave than to lose 3 full-time children.

I get your point of being upset because nobody wants or expects to pick up their child from daycare to find scratches, bruises, cuts, etc. Opposite of that, no parent wants to pick up their child and be told that their child was hurting other kids. It isn't fun for either parent. If you are the parent of the injured child, sometimes it is hard to see past your child's injury and your unhappiness with the situation to recognize that the other parent is probably also feeling bad about the situation and is praying/hoping that their child doesn't do it again.

dashofreality

Well that devolved quickly. Don't often have DDs on this board.

mommatotwo2

PrivacyWanted said:

wait, is Page 1 now gone? 

I can see a 1, but when I click it, it goes nowhere.

[Deleted User]

dashofreality said:

Well that devolved quickly. Don't often have DDs on this board.

Yeah. 

The wisest words my mother ever spoke: When you step back and realize it's everyone but you...it's you.

[Deleted User]

PrivacyWanted said:

MarlaSinger& said:

dashofreality said:

Well that devolved quickly. Don't often have DDs on this board.

Yeah. 

The wisest words my mother ever spoke: When you step back and realize it's everyone but you...it's you.

Gosh Marla, how bullying of your mother  

What's funny was she was referring to herself and her PMS mood swings.  She's bullying herself!

MickeyM04

Is anyone else wondering who the F would send their child to a DC that has no privacy policy in place?  I mean holy crap, they tell you the name of the child that kicked/scratch/hit/bit your kid?  I would be FLIPPING the F out if the name of the offender had been disclosed to me, because honestly, I would be wondering what they are telling other parents about my kid.  I would hate to think that they're saying, "Oh, you know the Hand Foot and Mouth that's going around right now?  Well little MickeyM was the one who got it first."  I mean JEESUS. 

[Deleted User]

It does makes sense that parents would ask the name but surely most understand the policy once explained to them.  

Xtine22

I have worked in many daycares and we were never allowed to say the childs name. Even in older classes where  a child would run up to their parent or another parent and say "Johnny, hit/bite/kicked me"  We still weren't allowed to say anything. 

rubber_chicken

this has been the most entertaining thread on this board in awhile.  the drama lama approves.

[Deleted User]

I should probably just group text all the parents daily.

I'm sorry my toddler offended you.