Feeling like crap-daycare change

hopefulmom81

I am not sure what I am looking for here, reassurance that I am not an awful person maybe?

So, since she was 3 months old, DD went to an in-home daycare 3 days a week, was with my mom 1 day a week, and me 1 day a week plus DH and I on the weekends.

When she turned 2, DH and I decided to apply to get her in my building (I work for a university, and in my building, we house a preschool lab which is essentially a daycare for toddlers).  It definitely has more of a "school" feeling than the in home daycare, less lovey dovey and homey.

Last week was DDs first week and she did awesome all three days.  Then, yesterday and today were AWFUL.  She was reaching over her teacher screaming, "MOMMY!  MOMMY" while bawling.  Both mornings she was saying she doesn't want to go to school.

DH and I are asking her questions to try to figure out what is going on, but it seems like it is nothing specific.  

I am convinced she hates it and that I have made an awful mistake.  Also, this place costs more than college so on top of it hurting me emotionally I am feeling like crap about the financial aspect too.

Please tell me this is just a phase...have any of you lived through a daycare transition?

jasminelorraine20

We just did a transition for our 2 year old as well from in home DC to a center. With your DD still being brand new at this school, I would wait another week or two before deciding if your decision was for the best or not. I really think it's too early, and so far it's only 2 meltdowns, which is completely normal. DS went to the in-home for a year and loved it, but he still had occasional meltdowns for whatever reason. Is there a particular reason why you moved her from the in-home daycare?

hopefulmom81

jasminelorraine20 said:

We just did a transition for our 2 year old as well from in home DC to a center. With your DD still being brand new at this school, I would wait another week or two before deciding if your decision was for the best or not. I really think it's too early, and so far it's only 2 meltdowns, which is completely normal. DS went to the in-home for a year and loved it, but he still had occasional meltdowns for whatever reason. Is there a particular reason why you moved her from the in-home daycare?

Thanks for the response.

Yes, a few reasons.  

1.  It is in my building, literally one floor below me

2.  Developmentally, DD needed more stimulation and structure than an inhome daycare could provide.  She is SUPER verbal and being with babies all day isn't really doing much for her any more.  Here, she is predominantly with 2 and 3 year olds (she is just over 2), so the "curriculum" is much more on her level

3.  Our in home provider said that most children stay with her until 3 and at that point she can't really provide what a center or school can developmentally.  DH and I figured that we might as well move her at 2 as opposed to letting her attach for another year and making it even worse.

hopefulmom81

MissPeansMama said:

We have never gone through a daycare switch but I wanted to chime in and say DD has been with MIL watching her since she was 6 months old. At almost 3 there are days she has full on meltdowns when I drop her off. She'll cling to me and cry. It's nearly impossible to get out the door. So if I had to venture a guess about your DD, I would say it has more to do with her age and going through a change than her actually hating the place. Give her a few weeks to get adjusted and make new friends. HUGS!

((HUGS)) This makes me feel so much better, thank you!

Helenahhandbasket

We haven't gone thru a transition, but I also want to share that DD has been going to an in home DC since she was about 6 months old (so for just over 2 years) and she loves it, but we still have mornings (like this morning, matter of fact) where she screams, fights, cries and is generally miserable getting there.

Has DD been sleeping well the last few nights?  Is there anything else that could be throwing her off (not feeling well?)  Could you talk to the teachers to see how DD seems when she is there?  I bet they will be able to re-assure you that this a fairly typical reaction to a change like this.

I also say hang in there.  It sounds like a big adjustment for her and for you.  Maybe you can re-evaluate in a month?

 

eyenigh

I'm going through something similar right now. We've been going to the same center since A was 12 weeks old. He started in the infant room and moved up to younger toddlers when he was about 15 months old. The rooms were connected and he usually started the day with the toddlers even as an infant since there were so few kids there, it made more since to combine to one room. He got to know the teachers in both rooms well so when he moved up, it was no big deal.

One week ago he moved to older toddlers. It's in the same building but in the opposite wing with all new teachers that he didn't know and had no affiliation with before. They're all fantastic, warm ladies but he's taking the transition very hard. As soon as we walk in, he gets upset and says "I need you to hold me, Mama." I'll hang out for a bit but he does not want to let go. When I finally leave, he is very upset-- like I can hear him all the way down the hall. However, I know that he is absolutely fine 5 minutes after I leave and he's been having great days. He's been eating well, sleeping well and even trying the potty there. If he was actually having a bad day with the room/teachers, none of those things would be happening. It's just a big change and I know he's going to need some time to adjust but it's really hard to walk away from him when he's so visibly upset.

What do the teachers do to help you get out of there and help calm the situation? Ours are pretty good about redirecting or trying to get him involved. They'll take him to look at cars out the window, pick out a book or video (they'll sometimes watch videos at dropoff to make it a little easier on the kids that have a rough time). It isn't helping a ton yet but it definitely helps him change modes to think about something else.

Ultimately, I think it's normal behavior until they adjust to the new people/routine. The change is tough for kids and especially rough for kids with certain personalities. My kid is super sensitive to this kind of thing but there are a couple in the class who are completely unaffected. I think it's harder on us because it bugs us all day but they bounce back after we leave like nothing happened!

*~Krystin1119~*

Awww! It's just a phase. Strange place and more stimulation and structure may have her a little overwhelmed right now. Give it a few more weeks for her to get used to her new routine. 

Our DD has been at the same daycare since she was 9 months. She transferred over to the school aged summer program in July which was held in the preschool classroom. She did great all summer, no issues with drop off. Fast forward to last Monday and the first day of preschool. She was a barnacle that had to be extracted from my legs...and everyday since has been the same. Same room and same teacher but drop off is hard and she's upset and yesterday her friend had to be my buffer to leave by giving her a bear hug. This transition from daycare to preschool even just one room over has been a real struggle for us, but I'm sure she'll get used to it and go back to waving bye and playing with her boyfriend soon enough

Is your DD happy when you pick her up? Does she have a lovey that she takes that might comfort her? Is there someone there when you drop her off that can give her some extra cuddles to calm her down? She may just miss her old DC provider and the familiarity that she had with being there. It doesn't seem like it right now, but I does get easier     

Non creepy internet hugs for you and DD

hopefulmom81

eyenigh said:

I'm going through something similar right now. We've been going to the same center since A was 12 weeks old. He started in the infant room and moved up to younger toddlers when he was about 15 months old. The rooms were connected and he usually started the day with the toddlers even as an infant since there were so few kids there, it made more since to combine to one room. He got to know the teachers in both rooms well so when he moved up, it was no big deal.

One week ago he moved to older toddlers. It's in the same building but in the opposite wing with all new teachers that he didn't know and had no affiliation with before. They're all fantastic, warm ladies but he's taking the transition very hard. As soon as we walk in, he gets upset and says "I need you to hold me, Mama." I'll hang out for a bit but he does not want to let go. When I finally leave, he is very upset-- like I can hear him all the way down the hall. However, I know that he is absolutely fine 5 minutes after I leave and he's been having great days. He's been eating well, sleeping well and even trying the potty there. If he was actually having a bad day with the room/teachers, none of those things would be happening. It's just a big change and I know he's going to need some time to adjust but it's really hard to walk away from him when he's so visibly upset.

What do the teachers do to help you get out of there and help calm the situation? Ours are pretty good about redirecting or trying to get him involved. They'll take him to look at cars out the window, pick out a book or video (they'll sometimes watch videos at dropoff to make it a little easier on the kids that have a rough time). It isn't helping a ton yet but it definitely helps him change modes to think about something else.

Ultimately, I think it's normal behavior until they adjust to the new people/routine. The change is tough for kids and especially rough for kids with certain personalities. My kid is super sensitive to this kind of thing but there are a couple in the class who are completely unaffected. I think it's harder on us because it bugs us all day but they bounce back after we leave like nothing happened!

Okay, this is DD EXACTLY.  She definitely is eating her whole lunch and taking a full nap, and that is a really good point.

So, because it is a lab, there is a one way window mirror thing, I popped down there a few minutes ago, and she was very focused and playing...not smiling, but focused.  Another kid was freaking out, so I am going to chalk it up to new school blues and that the first week was exciting and now she is settling in. 

Thank you for your responses!

jasminelorraine20

hopefulmom81 said:

jasminelorraine20 said:

We just did a transition for our 2 year old as well from in home DC to a center. With your DD still being brand new at this school, I would wait another week or two before deciding if your decision was for the best or not. I really think it's too early, and so far it's only 2 meltdowns, which is completely normal. DS went to the in-home for a year and loved it, but he still had occasional meltdowns for whatever reason. Is there a particular reason why you moved her from the in-home daycare?

Thanks for the response.

Yes, a few reasons.  

1.  It is in my building, literally one floor below me

2.  Developmentally, DD needed more stimulation and structure than an inhome daycare could provide.  She is SUPER verbal and being with babies all day isn't really doing much for her any more.  Here, she is predominantly with 2 and 3 year olds (she is just over 2), so the "curriculum" is much more on her level

3.  Our in home provider said that most children stay with her until 3 and at that point she can't really provide what a center or school can developmentally.  DH and I figured that we might as well move her at 2 as opposed to letting her attach for another year and making it even worse.

 

 

Oh ok, then I would pay a little more and just keep DD where she's at. It is just a few bad days, but like PP's said she will adjust.

jellybean529

DD went through four daycare changes. As she got older it got a lot easier. Honestly, around age 2-2 1/2 was my hardest time with her in daycare and I found that if I didn't make a big deal, just kinda waved and said bye bye and left she would calm down right away and adjust faster because she'd see that mom wasn't scared/upset so she'd feel more confident about being left there. Hang in there...you're not a bad person/parent. Things will get better!

hopefulmom81

Helenahhandbasket said:

We haven't gone thru a transition, but I also want to share that DD has been going to an in home DC since she was about 6 months old (so for just over 2 years) and she loves it, but we still have mornings (like this morning, matter of fact) where she screams, fights, cries and is generally miserable getting there.

Has DD been sleeping well the last few nights?  Is there anything else that could be throwing her off (not feeling well?)  Could you talk to the teachers to see how DD seems when she is there?  I bet they will be able to re-assure you that this a fairly typical reaction to a change like this.

I also say hang in there.  It sounds like a big adjustment for her and for you.  Maybe you can re-evaluate in a month?

 

One of the 2 teachers said she yawned a lot yesterday.  She has been going to bed kind of late.  We are going to move her bed time up a bit.

Ago

I think it might be an age/phase thing more than anything. My DD did this a few times when she was going to an in-home daycare that she had been going to from 6 months old. Mostly it was on the days that I dropped her off - otherwise my mom dropped her off in the morning, which was a nice buffer. It is tough, but it doesn't last and usually they are doing well when you pick them up at the end of the day.  Give it time, she will be okay, mama!

michelle615

Hang in there mama! We switched from grandma daycare to a center at 12 months. He's a little over two now and we've had bumps in drop offs over that time. I agree with other posts, it's most likely an age thing.
If it doesn't seem to ebb over time, then it may be worth looking into more.
GL!