Upset with baby's gender

Maebb

nursesouder said:

At the end of the day, a healthy child without a physical or mental disability is what I hope for.

I get what you mean, and very few parents probably "hope" for a child with a physical or mental disability, but I would hate for a child with a disability to think that they were unwanted. I have a cousin with severe epilepsy and autism and another with Down's Syndrome, and my BIL has CP. While maybe their parents would rather have a "healthy" child, I think children with disabilities can bring a lot of joy to their parents too. No doubt that it is challenging, but I don't know - I just wouldn't want a child to think that they're not what I wanted or what I hoped for.

5flowerz

I found out today. I have 2 boys already and I do find my self sad that this time around its another boy. I also ffound out I have placenta previa. So this a little hard on me. But no matter what I love my baby boy.

BookitBoo

I didn't always understand the disappointment of having one sex over the other, but a lot of awesome ladies opened up my eyes and I'm glad for it.

I think it's ok for people to be sad about not having the child they imagined themselves with. It's easy to get wrapped up in a 'plan' for life where you see yourself married to a man who strongly resembles Johnny Depp, living on the beach with two perfect children and a basset hound. It's ok to be sad about reality being different from a dream. It doesn't make anyone a bad mom or dad, it makes them human. I mean I still get pretty sad I live nowhere near a beach.

RE children with disabilities: at the a/a today I told the technician that I was born with club feet. She checked and reassured me that babies feet were fine, and I was so thankful. She went on to tell me that she used to work at a high risk doctors office and if she had to choose a birth defect for her child that she would pick that one (reason being is it isn't chromosomal). I get her reasoning.

I don't think that anyone wants their child to have any difficulties in life, and that is why so many people focus on wanting healthy babies. I hope that no child would ever feel unwanted or unloved, especially because of something they have no control over -- sex, gender, etc.

musicgal05

Stargirlb said:

We have friends who flew to china to get a baby boy implanted because their family needed an "heir"

There's a disconnect in my brain with how you're able to be friends with this family, seeing as how you present yourself on the board... or was this tongue in cheek and I totally missed it?

Stargirlb

musicgal05 said:

Stargirlb said:

We have friends who flew to china to get a baby boy implanted because their family needed an "heir"

There's a disconnect in my brain with how you're able to be friends with this family, seeing as how you present yourself on the board... or was this tongue in cheek and I totally missed it?
---

People are complex. They contain multitudes. Something like that is not a friendship deal breaker for me. Most of my best friends are actually pretty different from me. (My two bffs are devout Christians who saved themselves for marriage.)

9513

Maybe I haven't read the right posts but I didn't realize there had been disappointments with boys! We're having a boy and couldn't me more excited!! I honestly didn't care either way, especially after receiving not so hot NT scan results. Then I was finally hit with that "feeling" that baby was a boy and started referring to baby as him/he. We found out sex early with the Harmony test and did a reveal with our family. The day we did the reveal I started to panic about whether or not baby was a girl! I was already so attached to the boy I thought I was carrying that I was afraid I would be disappointed and "mourn" (for lack of a better word) that he was a she. I would have gotten over it quickly I'm sure, but I am happy to be team blue for no reason other than the fact that he is healthy and I was already attached to the idea after that feeling hit.

mstc83

When you feel sad or disappointed about your baby's sex, please consider those who can't get pregnant at all. It should help to put things into perspective.

TXUltraRunner

mstc83 said:

When you feel sad or disappointed about your baby's sex, please consider those who can't get pregnant at all. It should help to put things into perspective.

To say something like that is the same thing as saying when you have a cold you can't complain about it because someone elsewhere has cancer. Everyone is allowed to feel however they want and those feelings are valid. While someone like myself, and maybe yourself (assuming from your comment) might not understand gender disappointment because we had a hard time having even one child, it does not invalidate the feelings of others. 

AggieMom0809

Stargirlb said:

I was disappointed when I found out my first was going to be a girl instead of a boy. By the time she was born, I'd come around to the idea of my first being a girl and wouldn't want it any other way. I took up bow making and sewed a ton of outfits for her on top of the nursery set. 

This time, I'm hoping for a girl, but trying to keep more of an open mind knowing that I'll be happy with which ever they are.

Not surprised. Monogramming stuff for the little patriarch has gotta be more fun right

Both boys and girls wear things monogrammed. I've made just as many clothes and other items for my son. 

AggieMom0809

TXUltraRunner said:

I just don't get all the disappointment with having a girl. What's wrong with girls? Are we not all girls? I think its an archaic tradition that a woman has to produce a male to pass on the name or she's worthless. Embrace the fact that you're getting this girl who could help break the mold and the stereotype that girls are anything less than boys. Girls don't have to be "girly" just as boys don't have to be "manly." Raise them to be whomever they choose to be when they get older. Don't impose stereotypes. 

That had nothing to do with why I wanted a boy first. My oldest sibling was a girl and I wanted something different. I wasn't going to raise my girl as a boy though because I wanted a boy first. How would that be fair to her to force her to be something she isn't? "Sorry" I raised my girl to be a girl and then boy to be a boy. 

mstc83

Of course everyone can feel however they want! I just think it helps to remember how fortunate we all are.

TXUltraRunner

AggieMom0809 said:

TXUltraRunner said:

I just don't get all the disappointment with having a girl. What's wrong with girls? Are we not all girls? I think its an archaic tradition that a woman has to produce a male to pass on the name or she's worthless. Embrace the fact that you're getting this girl who could help break the mold and the stereotype that girls are anything less than boys. Girls don't have to be "girly" just as boys don't have to be "manly." Raise them to be whomever they choose to be when they get older. Don't impose stereotypes. 

That had nothing to do with why I wanted a boy first. My oldest sibling was a girl and I wanted something different. I wasn't going to raise my girl as a boy though because I wanted a boy first. How would that be fair to her to force her to be something she isn't? "Sorry" I raised my girl to be a girl and then boy to be a boy. 


******quote box failure

Reading comprehension would do you some good. I never said raise your child as the opposite sex. I simply pointed out that people do not need to be raised to fit in societies definition of male or female. Girls can and should play whatever sports they might be interested in and if a boy wants to do ballet or play with dolls, parents should be supportive. I do not believe that we need to pigeonhole our kids and limit what they may be interested in simply because of their genitals

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mccombslt

I'm not upset but a little disappointed I'm having a boy but I ready wanted a girl cause I imagined all the activities and dressing up that I could do.

AggieMom0809

mccombslt said:

I'm not upset but a little disappointed I'm having a boy but I ready wanted a girl cause I imagined all the activities and dressing up that I could do.

Or you could end up with a girl who doesn't like to paint their nails, go shopping, or dress up at all. Aside from the nails thing, I think my son prefers shopping and playing dress up more than my daughter. He's always wearing his fire suit, hulk, or jake costume and is eager to go to however many stores I want to even though he knows he's getting nothing out of it. 

jjstrickler

Aggies would be rude on a message board for no reason! lolololololololo

juls427

@mom2case‌ ... Sorry for your loss. I think about that a lot (especially now being pregnant) and couldn't imagine going through the loss of a child. Just couldn't focus on anyone else's trivial comments after reading yours. God bless you and your family.

MNgirl326

I was bummed when we first found out DS was a boy.  Mainly because I really thought my "intuition" was girl.  Also at the time had only really been around girl babies, so I didn't really know how awesome boys were.

it took me a few days for the news to sink in and get excited for a boy, but then I was fine. 

Give it a few days. 

mandikins27

Maebb said:

At the end of the day, a healthy child without a physical or mental disability is what I hope for.

I get what you mean, and very few parents probably "hope" for a child with a physical or mental disability, but I would hate for a child with a disability to think that they were unwanted. I have a cousin with severe epilepsy and autism and another with Down's Syndrome, and my BIL has CP. While maybe their parents would rather have a "healthy" child, I think children with disabilities can bring a lot of joy to their parents too. No doubt that it is challenging, but I don't know - I just wouldn't want a child to think that they're not what I wanted or what I hoped for.

my daughter has epilepsy and other complications due to the E. and when they pushed the nt scan on me I said ok... but I have yet to call and get the results bc I honestly don't care I look at my daughter and cant help but think how amazing she is and strong and beautiful and my hero. she has taught me more in the last 11 years that i have learned in my entire life and I cant imagine her any other way. so I thought about this one and just thought omg I love him and what is ... is and I wouldn't have it any other way

jjcruiks

Mom of 3 boys and a possible boy on the way... Not a shred of disappointment from me, but I also have a brother and a SIL that just did their second round of IVF (that worked this time thank goodness) so witnessing their sadness and crushed hearts when rounds in between didn't work, helps with my gratefulness just be pregnant naturally!! Personal feelings of course!

Edited: changed laughing emoticon... My sausage fingers hit the wrong one, that didn't fit the post! Ha.

MahriM23

I really wanted a gay boy but I got a stinkin heterosexual girl (I can tell by the ultrasound)...ughhhhhhh. kill me. 

In all honesty I had a dumb idea since I was a kid that I would have 2 girls and 2 boys. I now have 2 girls and 1 boy and I'm pregnant with my 3rd girl. I was actually surprised (obviously that is a stupid response to what basically amounts to flipping a coin). Anyhoo, I'm excited, less laundry. I'm absolutely in LOVE with my son, but he is gross. 

stephchris0321

Everyone (including my 2.5 year old son) thought it was gonna be a girl. So yes, I was a little disappointed at first but now I'm embracing the idea of baby boy #2. DS will love having a little playmate too!

AggieMom0809

jjstrickler said:

Aggies would be rude on a message board for no reason! lolololololololo

What I said wasn't rude. it was trying to give a positive to what they thought of a negative situation. There's nothing rude about "thinking on the bright side." 

lawwarrior

I totally thought we were having a girl.  My hubby wanted a little princess too, but he's a prince!  I'm hoping this actually means I can talk him into #2.