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I'm tearing myself apart

cjd&kcjd&k member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
I'm current going through this miscarriage with my first baby. Two days ago I was in contraction like pain. It was terrible. I was on the bathroom floor screaming and crying. Yesterday the pain was very light and the bleeding wasn't too heavy. Today the bleeding was just going and going and wasn't stopping. I finally just sat on the toilet with horrible pains again and then a placenta like thing came out. The cramping and bleeding slowed down about 90% and now I'm just stuck in shock. I'm sad and I'm beating myself up. I feel like I just flushed my baby down the drain. I don't know if I did something wrong, but it sure feels like it. I'm finding it so hard to cope and get through this. I can't find the closure I'm looking for or need.
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Re: I'm tearing myself apart

  • KingLEDKingLED member
    I'm so sorry for your loss. The guilt and what-if thinking doesn't help at all. I really recommend you find a therapist that deals with grief. They can be a huge help.

    Just be kind to yourself. I know it's hard in times like this, but you're still important and you need to take care of you. 

    And remember if you're filling more than a pad an hour to go to the emergency department to make sure you're not hemorrhaging. Take care.
    Son: Jackson, 11/02/06, stillborn due to PPROM and IUGR. Over the next ten years we had 9 miscarriages from 8-14 weeks. On May 18, 2016 my daughter, Ridley, was born. We're OADNBC.
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  • ctk181ctk181 member
    I'm so sorry for your loss and I completely understand all of your feelings but you have to try not to beat yourself up. You didn't do anything wrong. There is no right or wrong way for you to go through this but you have to take care of yourself. If you are bleeding heavy or the pain is very bad call your doctor or go to the emergency room. While you may never have the closure you want, time does take some of the sting out of the emotional pain. In the meantime, try to be kind to yourself.
    Married: 4/28/12
    BFP: 7/2/14 ;  1st US 7/21/14 Baby measuring 7w5d, HB of 138;  Discovered MMC 8/18/14 at 11w2d, baby measuring 8w5d, no hb ; 8/19/14 D&C
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    TTCAL December siggy challenge - Autocorrect Fails

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    | <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com" style="font-size:smaller;" >Ovulation Tracker</My Chart

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  • kimberleigh35kimberleigh35 member
    -hugs- I lost our baby and went in for a D&C. I keep asking myself if I did the right thing or if I should of let it happen naturally at home. I felt guilty when I woke up. It felt wrong and made me very depressed. At the end of the day there is no right or wrong. We lost our baby not by choice. Saying good bye is very hard for us. Its not normal. Take your time to grieve. In the end I believe we will all have our baby's and be ok. I read it takes a certain kind of women to have an angel baby. My prayers and condolences go to you and your husband.
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  • thiscoffeechickthiscoffeechick member
    I'm so sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself and take time to nurture your rightfully broken heart.
    This signature is all for YOU. I'm on mobile and can't see crap.
    MMC EDD: 1/5/2015  D&C: 5/31/14
    MC    EDD: 4/21/15 Lost: 8/24/14
    BFP for my Rainbow!! 11/6/14
    EDD: 7/20/15

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