Magical Fourth Trimester Do-Over

b48kate

You have been granted the magical power to do-over some aspect of your post-partum experience. Go!

b48kate

And personally, I would have swaddled.

brooklyngirl46

I would be more vocal about my needing help. For some reason I got it in my head that I needed to take on everything myself because I was the mom. Once I started talking to DH about what was realistic to accomplish, and what he could do to help, it got a lot easier.

Taymiller

Letting LO sleep in his swing for 2 months.

lest12

I would have skipped the stupid bassinet all together. DS hated it SO much but the RNP made me nervous (because he was not on his back) so I kept trying the bassinet for way too long and we were all miserable.

sm623

I would have started pumping 1-2 times a day sooner so that DH could do at least 1 feeding every day once we established our breastfeeding relationship. I think it has hurt their bonding because he has always handed her off to me when she starts crying. She's 9 weeks old and he still has trouble soothing her so I end up doing it. That makes it really hard for me to get anything else done especially now that I've gone back to work.

Dharmatron

Crib from the get-go! I had her in the RNP for almost three months and the crib transition was so easy, I feel like a dip for waiting so long. We all could have been sleeping better much sooner.

JmeJoLee83

Agree with swaddling right away every night. I got lax with it and now it sometimes works. I wish I had gotten a co sleeper to avoid putting ds in our bed.

irenewslee

Would have started the mother's milk tea routine way sooner. That would have saved me a lot of stress in the first 6 weeks. Also would have used coconut oil before pumping... Would have been a lot less painful and less blisters.

b48kate

Popping back in to say I find this all really fascinating....

sjn00

I would have taken her to the doctor soo much sooner!
She has bad reflux and is now on Nutramegin for sensitivity and colic. I feel like it could have saved me a month of stress and anxiety wondering how to help her.
I am VERY bad at lessening a situation.. She would scream cry and I would be so stressed and wanting help but fighting with wanting to handle it myself and then once she stopped I would talk myself into thinking it wont happen again, it was just a fluke, it was because of over stimulation, it wont happen again... Which only delayed her feeling better.

Definitely learned my lesson and it is something I am working on! I do wish i could have that month back though =\

lest12

Internationalkate said:

Popping back in to say I find this all really fascinating....

Me too, @Internationalkate‌! Great thread!

kks4471

@SaraJoy00‌ Nutramigen has been our lifesaver. I feel bad about waiting too, the difference in personality is amazing.

I wish I started baby wearing sooner. Right now I don't want to spend $25 on an infant insert that he'll use for two weeks, but I do feel like he is still too small for my Ergo. Anxiously waiting for him to grow now. Should have gotten the carrier and insert months ago.

coffee89

Explaining my needs for support in breast feeding and being a stay at home mom better.

Trusting dh more alone with lo while I was breast feeding since now we are supplanting and I can leave more but I have a need to be there every feeding.

Trying to get my supply back when I lost out at 6 weeks with my period. I could have power pumped and tried fenugree but by the time I accepted the supply dip and supplementing I was too frustrated to care. I just wanted lo to eat and gain weight.

Pushing the reflux issue instead of letting our first doctor telling me I was feeding him too much and too often off the breast.

tbmadeamistake

I would have stopped bfing sooner. It creatednsich as unhappy atmosphere in our home and definitely contributed to my PPD.

nunzchucks

I would have had no visitors in the hospital the first day. After an unexpected c-section, I was high as a kite on painkillers and I really hate the memory of my parents and ILs seeing me that way.

jenlynne0624

I wouldn't change much of anything either. I had a pretty good labor/delivery too, though what I would change is something that I can't because it has to do with ils too. I'd want fewer visitors as well. At one time there 7 people in the room with dh, h and I plus nurses coming in and out. It was overwhelming. My family respected my wishes and didn't come to visit, but his is not like that. People would have been butt hurt and caused more drama than what it was worth.

lest12

I'm with you guys on limiting visitors at delivery. Awful to say, next time I'll have a planned c-section and if there's any positiv, it's that I'll be able to control the visitors better... hopefully.

BabyCurtiss2014

Lilygrace48 said:

I would have stopped bfing sooner. It creatednsich as unhappy atmosphere in our home and definitely contributed to my PPD.

Me too! I just didn't have milk and I tried EVERYTHING and still only 2oz at most when he ate/I pumped and I drove myself and everyone insane.
FINALLY realized I just can't make more milk no matter what and DS just didn't want to nurse so now EFF and EVERYONE is happier. I pumped up until last week...4x pumping gave 4oz total once/day in bottle. Hey it's more than I thought I would last! Glad I'm done though!!! It is not guaranteed you can make enough milk!

texasmama2014

I would have done something in her blank baby book, or at least recorded dates of her "firsts" and done hand and foot prints.. Also wearing her sooner. She doesn't love it, and I think she would have if we had started immediately.

laramt

Tdonatoni said:

I don't think I'd change much with the pp experience as it directly relates to W, but I'd definitely change the birthing experience. I have no intention of telling the ILs when our next c-section is scheduled. I'm still dealing with the emotions of MIL essentially stalking us through the hospital. I guess I would have liked to have set the expectations of grandparent involvement with them prior to W's birth. We are still dealing (and probably will forever) with MILs unrealistic expectations and her temper tantrums. I will never be able to respect or trust her because of it and it puts a strain on the relationship with DH.

I could have written this. Sorry you're going through this, but nice to know I'm not the only one dealing with in law problems. I feel such resentment towards my mil for being how she was during my labour process. She has been completely possessive of the baby since he's been here and had super unrealistic expectations as far as visitation and seeing him. She will never have him alone and she just doesn't get that. Fortunately for me, my husband is completely on my side and that has helped a lot. We have talked about moving away because I can never have a relationship with them again. Maybe I need councelling to get over the resentment because I just don't feel like I can move forward.

emslade982

This may sound nuts, but I wish I didn't complain about Oliver waking up so much at night and do everything I could to get longer stretches. Now he will sleep 7 hours, and I miss that "us" time at 3:30 am. I wanna use this as a lesson to appreciate every stage, and that what I perceive as "challenges" can be really special. Warm fuzzies.

elsa1688

kks4471 said:

@SaraJoy00‌ Nutramigen has been our lifesaver. I feel bad about waiting too, the difference in personality is amazing.

I wish I started baby wearing sooner. Right now I don't want to spend $25 on an infant insert that he'll use for two weeks, but I do feel like he is still too small for my Ergo. Anxiously waiting for him to grow now. Should have gotten the carrier and insert months ago.

If he has ok neck control, you can roll up a receiving blanket to go under his butt in place of the infant insert.

cas889

I would have gotten lactation help immediately and often.  I really wish we had been able to make breastfeeding work for us  

I also would have taken more pictures.

nicolemcm

Like some pp's, I would have limited visitors. DS was born at 5 am, and we had about 10 visitors by the end of the day. Most were nice and only stayed about 20 minutes, but IL's stayed 4 hours. This put a big strain on our BF relationship as I was not comfortable attempting BF with FIL, MIL and SIL in the room and they seemed a bit surprised when we asked them to step out for a bit and eventually later when we asked them to leave around dinnertime.

I also wish I had been more clear with DH about new expectations before DS was born as this has caused quite a bit of miscommunication and strain on our relationship.

ricecakes1216

cas889 said:

I would have gotten lactation help immediately and often.  I really wish we had been able to make breastfeeding work for us  

I

Exactly. The LC that I saw on day 3 basically told me that because I had PCOS I'd have a lack of supply. Instead of really encouraging me and helping me she told me to pump. I also would have told H to stay away from C with the bottle. Being in pain from poor latch and recovering from a csection made me give in. My supply never had a true shot at building and now I pump and supplement.

chloephoebecali

SaraJoy00 said:

I would have taken her to the doctor soo much sooner! She has bad reflux and is now on Nutramegin for sensitivity and colic. I feel like it could have saved me a month of stress and anxiety wondering how to help her. I am VERY bad at lessening a situation.. She would scream cry and I would be so stressed and wanting help but fighting with wanting to handle it myself and then once she stopped I would talk myself into thinking it wont happen again, it was just a fluke, it was because of over stimulation, it wont happen again... Which only delayed her feeling better. Definitely learned my lesson and it is something I am working on! I do wish i could have that month back though =\

Don't feel bad mspi moms. It could have been worse. Dd wasn't dx with mspi until three months and then reflux until 6 months. She was a zombie until she was finally on Prevacid.  She was so miserable and disconnected. I knew better for my next two kids and got them dx sooner. With dd, people would just say colic/she will grow out of it. It's so hard being a Ftm. Hugs!

JulieSmiles

I wish I would have trusted my mom instinct more and fought to get help for DD's reflux. We still don't have meds that work for her. I let too many people say spitting up is normal when I knew the amount she spit up wasn't normal.

CrysW08

I wouldn't have said it was okay for MIL to be staying at my house the day I got home from hospital. I thought she would be helpful but having a visitor when I was so exhausted & beat-up feeling from my c-section just stressed me out. It also contributed to my quitting breast-feeding so quickly.

I would've napped while in the hospital.

I also would've demanded that DH spend more time with LO while he was on leave. He focused on taking care of house stuff which was great but now he sucks at soothing LO when he has her and I don't get the help I need from him because of that.

lest12

@nicolemcm - my mom got mad when the nurse asked her to wait in the hallway or cafeteria, because I was trying to breast feed at the moment. Like, caused a bit of a scene and they ended up sending in a social worker and my dr eventually asked me about it. I was mortified. My mom is a nurse and has always been 'involved' in our medical things, because she's our mom and a great nurse. She didn't get that I needed space for this, not hovering. It was so embarrassing and frustrating.

lest12

On that note, I would have limited visitors the first few weeks we were home, too. Everyone just showed up, wanted to hold the baby and tell me what to do. I was recovery from the CS and no one brought food or offered to fold laundry (except like, my sister or mom). DH ended up serving everyone then cleaning up after them. Kind of obnoxious...

nicolemcm

lest12 said:

On that note, I would have limited visitors the first few weeks we were home, too. Everyone just showed up, wanted to hold the baby and tell me what to do. I was recovery from the CS and no one brought food or offered to fold laundry (except like, my sister or mom). DH ended up serving everyone then cleaning up after them. Kind of obnoxious...

^^ oh God, this too(minus c/s). A-holes

mrscbrad

@lest12‌ I'm in the my mom's a nurse club too. Basically she is traumatized from my natural birth. I would have kicked her out much sooner from L and D for her sake. I had an amazing birth experience that was med-free and only an hour and a half long but her being upset seeing me in pain has really tainted my happiness with everything. I also would have switched weeks for my stepson to be here with us having him here right after giving birth it made nursing a lot more difficult so I eventually just went to Ep'ing.

lest12

nicolemcm said:

lest12 said:

On that note, I would have limited visitors the first few weeks we were home, too. Everyone just showed up, wanted to hold the baby and tell me what to do. I was recovery from the CS and no one brought food or offered to fold laundry (except like, my sister or mom). DH ended up serving everyone then cleaning up after them. Kind of obnoxious...

^^ oh God, this too(minus c/s). A-holes

Kind of rude... I now know exactly what NOT to do if someone I know has a baby. @mrscbrad - I'm sorry she reacted that way... You would think, being nurses themselves, they'd be a little more sensitive to all of this stuff, right?

amackattack

I would have not underestimated the baby blues. I really wish I had talked in depth with a mom who very recently had a baby about what I could expect in those first few weeks. They were so intense and I was miserable and I am sad about it now cuz I will never get that time back. Also no visitors in the hospital next time...

Pahialii

I would have said no visitors at the hospital. It was a revolving door of visitors but after being on a magnesium drip (with a catheter) for 24 hours after giving birth due to preeclampsia I would have liked to not have dealt with all the visitors until after getting home.

I also wish I would have taken her out more when she was younger. I was too scared to go out back when she slept all day - now that she is having a hard time napping and gets fussy it would have been great to have gone out to lunch/dinner/whatever with a sleeping, quiet baby in tow.

BabyCurtiss2014

Lcgroenewe said:

I would have not underestimated the baby blues. I really wish I had talked in depth with a mom who very recently had a baby about what I could expect in those first few weeks. They were so intense and I was miserable and I am sad about it now cuz I will never get that time back. Also no visitors in the hospital next time...

I had really bad baby blues as well! That along with a bad C-section recovery and wrist pain my first month was hell! My hormones were all over the place and I was just all-around miserable. I wish that I had felt differently and I wish that I had appreciated the time with my son more I feel like now I missed out because my whole experience at the beginning was so bad. It all started that even before I went into labor because I was so terrified that he was going to be so big and he was a pretty big baby but the nurses at the hospital were awful no one showed us anything and I never got any sleep plus my epidural wore off and I had to have a lot of morphine so I kinda wish I could redo all of that LOL

ElTrain5

I would have picked a more competent midwife and hired my own doula (the one I hired through my midwives office "forgot" to show up)

DaisyHeadMayzie

I wouldn't have been so quick to introduce the pacifier at naptime.  Now she won't fall asleep without it and if it falls out she will cry until it is replaced.  We're working on this but I wish I would have never started.

I would've pumped more often in the last few months.  I didn't have much of a freezer stash but now it is completely gone since my pumping sessions only yield enough for about half of a bottle.

kriati03

I also would have established a pumping and bottle feeding routine once BF was established. I love BF, but would also love for DH to be able to feed LO too. Now I'm only pumping enough for about a bottle a week. It's just so much easier/ less time consuming this way!

whoberry

Would have seen an LC sooner. What a difference it made when we found out he wasn't getting enough to eat.
I also would have made brushing my teeth daily a higher priority. My teeth feel so gross, I can't wait for my dentist appointment!!!