Vent

lovemyminions

So I mention to DH that I would maybe like to got to the city to return a dress or go visit a friend today, and he says to me 'so you want me to watch the kids? Do you hate your life?' I replied no I don't hate my life. He says 'well it seems like it'. So I say 'why because I want some me time? Because I have been frustrated with the kids the last couple of days because they have just been whiny, fussy, needy?'
At this point I feel like throat punching him because I have been dealing with our kids, on my own for days. Last night I tried sleep training the littlest one and asked for his help. When he didn't go in at the 10 min comfort checking I asked him repeatedly until he snapped at me that she is old enough to cry for 15-20mins. (Which is not the guidelines for training I received from our health nurse). So for the next hour I got up every 10 minutes until I was so upset with her still fussing, and exhausted that I just made her a bottle and gave up. So I pressed him for an example of why he thinks I hate my life and he would just say its lots of things and it's not just because of yesterday, it's all the time. I guess I must be miserable to be around.

So yep, I feel like an aweful person, a horrible mom, and wth am I thinking, wanting another one because obviously I must be doing a shitty job and can't handle having the two I have. Sorry for the long vent but he really got to me. I thought it was normal to occasionally be frustrated, but I guess it's just an indication of my ineptness as a mother.

[Deleted User]

You've earned some time for yourself. Your husband is trying to make you feel inept when in reality, he probably doesn't want to take the kids on his own without you. My husband gets like this sometimes too & I grab my pocketbook & say, "Okay, I'm running to the store like I said." & just walk out. It's most probably not the best solution, but if I need a break, I'm taking a break. It's not really his call.

This post along with my vacuuming my oven clean post make me feel like a total winner. X_X

Erinm278

It doesn't sound to me like you're a terrible mother. It sounds to me like you need your H to do his share of the child raising. He needs to check himself or shut his stupid mouth.

We are human. We need breaks. It doesn't make us terrible mothers or wives or people. It makes us human.

beckyanddon

I too often just have to say I'm going and run! I get mommy guilt when I do and usually get calls and an earful but it's the only way. I just think when I pit my time in eventually they will remember who came to the whole soccer game or put their favorite snack in their lunch.

valstulas

>:D<

Where's the nut punch bus when you need it?

Take your break and don't feel guilty.

But seriously. What a shitty thing to say.

kmvw

Completely understand how you are feeling, went through something similar with my Dh. Being a mom is hard work and I don't think husbands understand this fully. Hugs to you, I'm sorry and I hope he apologizes.

coco2787

Everyone needs and deserves a break. That's why weekends were created, no one should have to be on duty 24/7. I often have to remind my H that just because I'm a SAHM doesn't mean I'm the default person when it comes to all things baby. Getting a break when you are stressed is what allows you to come back and be the best mom you can be.

(I think it was a link posted here) that when asked, kids don't care whether their parents work or stay home, but the biggest things kids want is for their parents to be less stressed out. Nothing about needing some me time makes you a bad mom or means you hate your life. Go take your break! >:D<

stephyfaith

Big hugs! I'm sorry you're having a rough time.

PrimRoseMama

@lovemyminions‌ : HUGE GIANT FAT SQUISHY HUGS.

First of all, I think your husband should help you instead of criticizing you. Leaving you to do all the childcare is not fair.

I take it you are a SAHM? Let me tell you, I love my kids to the very end. However, 24/7/365 of them would be incredibly difficult.

I take a 30 minute to an hour break EVERY night. Even on weekends. I get coffee, read People magazine and enjoy no one pawing, crying, or NEEDING something from me for one hour. One.

It's a need I have. You have needs. You are allowed to want a break without being "miserable" & "must hate your life" bullshit being thrown around.

No. NO. WTF is up with these asshole husbands presuming that donating sperm is enough? WTAF?! It makes me ragey. THEY ARE HIS KIDS TOO. He should enjoy their company on his own on the regular. You deserve, no NEED, time to yourself without having demands. It will make you feel better.

Listen to me: you are a good mother!

You are human with needs & wants outside of motherhood and THAT IS OK!

So speak up & tell him what your needs are. Tell him there is nothing wrong with your mothering skills or love for your children because you want 30 minutes of peace or a chance to take a dump or bath uninterrupted.

Even better-- take a weekend. No shit. Take off to a nice hotel for a weekend. Tell him that you need it. Two days to eat warm food, sleep in & take long baths. Recharge your batteries. It's for your health!

NewbieMomie

Well said @PrimRoseMama‌!

So sorry @lovemyminions‌ you're a great mom. Hang in there >:D<

theuntaggablek

You are doing great. 

You lasted a few days without a break for some alone time, sans kids? 

I'd be using that sharp bottle brush attachment that cleans sippy spouts to poke my eyes out or hiding in the corner singing kids songs over and over again.

You should take that well-deserved time to decompress if you haven't already. You definitely deserve it.

lovemyminions

Thank you everyone who replied. Your words made me feel much better. I talked to DH about what he said. It went about as I figured it would. Nothing resolved, and According to him I get lots of breaks and that I knew going into kids that it was a 24/7 job. Sigh....it's going to be a long road....

dliz87

So sorry your convo didn't get you anywhere. He needs to see that you deserve time, just like he does.

FYI- I feel like a hypocrite giving DH advice.

@zoeyjack You ARE a winner. :x

fabk

Everyone else has given some great advice. So I just give >:D<

giraffeluvspi

Dude, it's hard enough to get over out own guilt and admit we need a break. When we finally do admit it the last thing we need is a douchebag husband making us feel worse about it! I'm so sorry. Deliver an uppercut to Mr. Minion's taint then go for your well deserved break. You are NOT a shitty Mom! >:D<

lovemyminions

After several days of cold shouldering DH, last night he asked to talk to resolve things. Turns out he didn't mean it the way he said it, admitted it was a little harsh and he should have worded things differently. Said I just haven't been myself lately. We ended up talking for hours and working through other arguments that hadn't been resolved. It is a start, and we are going to try to communicate better, so we don't reach such a point again. Thanks to all you wonderful ladies!