fEELING fRUSTRATED

bolgerchristine

I am currently 37, my husband is 55.  I know.  There is quite the age difference, but it was love at first sight, and he treats me so wonderfully.  We have been trying to get pregnant for over a year, and no luck.  I am starting to get really concerned since I am getting too old to have children, and that's the one thing I have wanted the most in life!!!!! 

We have both been to the doctor.  His sperm count and viscosity is good.  My fertility is not like an 18 year old, but is still very prevalent.  We watch the ovulation times, but still can't conceive.  My BIGGEST fear in life, of NOT having a baby, seems to be coming true.  I am so concerned.

Does anyone have any advice?

Thank You,

Christine

BostonGayGal

What testing have you had done? Are you just with an OBGYN or do you have an RE? Do you trust your doctor? Would you consider iui's or IVF?

Lady2010

I would recommend seeing a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) as soon as you can.  He/She can  help you determine your best path forward depending on your situation.  This could be IUIs, IVF, DE, etc.  Typically if you are over 35, most dr's will give you a recommendation to an RE after TTC for 6 mos.(and if you have already done the testing, it sounds like you may already be able to get a referral easily).  

You should also check out the TTC Over 35 board - there are many wonderful ladies on that board and it is a very supportive community.  Some are FTMs, others are trying for their 2nd or 3rd.

I wish you all the best!!

xilahn

I second the getting into an infertility program right away.  It's definitely the time to be aggressive with pursuing your interests in conceiving and doing what you can.  Very best of luck to you!!

chupchake

I would definitely look into seeing an RE. 

MsMacual

I agree that seeing an RE makes sense.  I'd also ask your general care provider and/or your RE to test your thyroid as it being wonky (too high or low) can be a contributing factor.  Getting your levels under control could be the missing piece. 

jennadesigns

I think you've gotten good advice about seeing a RE and thinking about what you want your next steps to be, whether it be IUIs or IVF.

I just wanted to throw something out there that might give you a bit of hope. I'm 35 and my partner is 55 and we're currently pregnant with our fourth together - we have a five year old girl and lost two pregnancies after. It did take us about a year following the first loss to get pregnant again so try not to stress too much if you can. I think that's within the time constraints of being normal. Definitely follow up with a RE and see if you can nail down your path from here forward. Best of luck to you!

mdogan29

****** loss mentioned ******

Do you have any medical issues that you know about? Are you in good physical condition? If you don't have any issues and are a good healthy weight and follow a good diet and work out, I definitely agree with the PP above.

--- sorry this is long... another POV ---
However, like in my case, some people can be sick and don't even know it. I'm 37 and my DH is almost 42, we TTC for years without success. I am overweight and didn't know I had any medical problems, but struggled to lose weight for years, I started working with a diagnostic doctor (specializing in internal medicine) to help me lose weight to focus on having children and we had very limited success, so then we ran a bunch of tests (more than just the regular tests your primary care doctor or OB runs) and were very surprised how many issues I had going on I had no idea about. I was tired, but I thought it was just from having a full-time job and going to the gym every day while being overweight, come to find out I have hypothyroidism (yes, reg. dr checked for that too), low iron/anemia, vitamin D and folic acid deficiency and I have a gene mutation - MTHFR, which makes me 50% less likely to even have children (it prevents body from breaking down and absorbing folic acid and messes w/ iron absorption). I also had 2 viruses that I had for a while and primary care doctor just overlooked. I actually did get pregnant, just before I decided to see this new doctor, after trying acupuncture, but had a M/C very early on. My diagnostic doctor was amazed I ever got pregnant with all of that stuff I had going on, any one of those things could have caused the MC... anyway, she put together a plan that took about 7 months, more diet changes (found out I'm allergic to dairy) and got on meds for the hypo and supplements for the rest of the deficiencies, I did some IVs for several weeks to kill off the viruses. It took a while to get the levels moving toward the good ranges, but after 7 months of hard work, everything was finally in the normal/almost normal range and then I got the thumbs up to TTC again, we got pregnant on the first month of trying and things have been going well. My doctor is also watching my levels throughout the pregnancy and will adjust as necessary, but first trimester appt went very well.

So, I'm not saying that this is the problem, but it may be worth it to take a look at some things, it's just simple blood work to start.  I still do feel lucky at my age to get pregnant on the first try and I know other people struggle, but we are very grateful that this is what worked for us and hope to keep healthy throughout the pregnancy and after.

I just thought I would mention it, good luck whatever you decide to do!

marijaa333

mdogan29, I had no idea! This diagnostic doctor sounds great, but I am sorry you had all that going on without knowing. I wonder how many of us are walking around like ticking time diagnoses...  Both my parents have thyroid issues; I have an enlarged thyroid but values all within normal range (but who knows, really?). Thanks for sharing.

mdogan29

@marijaa333 - Thank you! It's been quite a journey and eye-opening experience!

Yes! She is great, expensive & doesn't take insurance, but totally worth it! Those 2 viruses I had were showing up in the blood work in the form of elevated white blood cells and not 1, but 2 primary care doctors I had (1 retired and the other I decided to stop seeing), said that must just be my 'norm' ... my mom has liver issues, so they just chalked it up to genetic high WBC counts. What?? Now that I've gotten rid of the viruses, my WBC levels are completely normal again.  I could have had this fixed YEARS ago and felt SO much better... but I probably wouldn't have been able to afford to see this doctor back then, so I guess everything happens for a reason and in due time.

My maternal grandmother and aunt both have thyroid issues as well, but not sure if my mom does or not (she has SO much other stuff).  When the regular doctors check that stuff, they use generic ranges, but there are new ranges that have been in use for the past few years that some doctors just ignore. My range IS in the norm based on the old scale, but I'm considered HIGH with the new ranges. And if you are 'in range' they don't even bother checking the other thyroid #s like T3, reverse T3, TSH and free T4 or whatever they all are, well that's where she found the most problems, I have to take 2 different meds to get all of those #s balanced!

My iron and vitamin D are still on the low end, but they have been coming up over the past few months, so I'm continuing with the meds and supplements. I reallllllly HATE taking pills (have a terrible gag reflex), but all my appointments w/ OB and blood work has come back great, so it's definitely been worth it!!

marijaa333

mdogan29 I certainly learned a lot from your post. I had a blood test today including a thyroid check so I'll definitely look up the old and new scales. So glad that you were able to figure all this out and then manage it. Still, absolutely no excuse for the doctors that missed it. It's a bit depressing that we really have to take our health into our own hands (given that most of us don't have medical degrees).