New Study Suggests DH Should Clean

jennjilljo

I read this article and was happy to see that cleaning dad's who do laundry influence daughters to reach higher. I will admit that there are flaws in this study but I don't plan on pointing those out to DH.

https://www.psychologicalscience.org/index.php/news/releases/dads-who-share-the-load-bolster-daughters-aspirations.html

What are your thoughts on this article? Does anyone else see cleaning in DH's future?
Share your thoughts on this.

foxslaw

Yessss my boyfriend already does (pretty much) all of the chores.

jennjilljo

DH does a lot around the house, too. I told him about the study and he said that it only made sense. He told me that women need to see that they shouldn't have to rely on or take care of a man.

HeyStVincent

My parents definitely shared chores when I was growing up - even the yard work.  But I'm not sure if H's parents did.  There are a few things I see them share (like cleaning up after dinner), but it seems his mom does the majority of house work.  This is also how H thinks things should be (me doing the work).  It's one of our biggest points of contention --

H: Are we going to do the dishes? They need done. (And be "we" he means me).

Me: Yeah, it's on my list of things to do tomorrow.  If it's bothering you at this moment, why don't YOU do the dishes?  You have an able body, you know.

H: ..............................................

I actually don't mind doing house work.  Sometimes it's therapeutic (I'm sick, I know).  But with school and work and now pregnancy (which makes me tired), I don't feel like I have as much time to do it.  Then when he says something about it, it really irritates me. But, I always let him know when it irritates me.  I figure, why bottle that stuff up, right?

mmariel

FI does the laundry, although I put it away because he will half ass fold it and leave it in the laundry basket or just throws stuff in my closet or drawers. He does the dishes and takes the garbage out. We take turns sweeping up dog hair because that needs to be done daily. I like to clean the bathroom. There is something calming to me about scrubbing a bathtub! He will clean the kitchen and wipe out the microwave and clean the stovetop.

jennjilljo

@HeyStVincent‌ I don't think it's weird to enjoy cleaning. I'm not a cleaner but I love organizing things. I do think it's super healthy to let your feelings out so keep that man aware of what he's doing.

@mmariel‌ We divide chores in a similar way in my house except it's more of whoever sex that it needs to happen and is feeling up to it has to do it. There are weeks when I do all the yard work and he dies all the house work and vice versa. It works for us and I think that finding that balance is important.

HeyStVincent

P.S. I just emailed H this study.  He's out with friends for a football game, otherwise I'd have him reading it right now!  Just another reason for him to pitch in a little more with chores!

Lchanek

MH was raised believing (although he'll argue otherwise) that women are to do all of the chores, inside and outdoors; in addition to helping with whatever they're doing in the barn or field. He will grill meat and sometimes move clothes from the washer to the dryer but I have to remind him all night. It's really annoying.

aggiebug

Dh is pretty great about helping around the house. I know the balance will change after baby and as I become a SAHM but I know he will continue to help. I also know our little girl will be taught football and how to use a hammer.

Funny is I remember my parents having stereotypical roles. But I would always be recruited to help dad change a tire or fix something around the house just as I was asked to dust, or mop. I think that had a bigger impact on me. Something I clearly realized in college when my roommates counted on me to fix things like a plugged toilet or sink or to talk to our landlord when needed.

StephanieLBerg

I concur, though hubby has been doing about 99% of the cleaning since my nausea kicked in around week 6 or 7 without complaint. I'll wash a dish here and there unless we need dishes to cook and hubby tries to be an arse about it. I'll also do a load of laundry about once a week or so, and then will feed the dogs if its my day off. The cats room, which is where their food and boxes are, is off limits to me until after I'm done breastfeeding. Hubby takes care of the garbage, the cats room, the dishes, the sweeping/moping, and even cleaned out MY car for me since we found out we were pregnant. For all is past crap that I've complained about, he really has been a great hubs to me all things.considered. :-)

jennjilljo

@aggiebug‌ I feel like parental interaction and involvement plays a huge role in this. My parents involved me in all aspects of life. My mom had me help cook, clean raise kids while my dad taught me how to work on cars, in the yard and on the house. My dad never did housework, no matter how sick my mom was and I feel that I'm fairly high achieving so I feel like there are other factors involved in inspiring young women. It's not like the mothers of the suffrage movement had dad's that cleaned house.

aggiebug

@jennwilhoite‌ I completely agree.
I was just musing on my own experience :-)

I also feel like a father who finds themselves equally capable of doing cleaning is also more likely to think their daughter as equally capable of helping them do "manly" chores.

mmariel

My parents divorced when I was younger so I grew up watching both my parents do 100% of the housework. However they both always lived in apartments so no one ever did outside chores. I am 25 and have never mowed a lawn.

FI was really good about picking up my slack when I was so miserable the first few weeks of being pregnant. Now that I feel better and have some energy back I have been able to help more again but he still says he doesn't want me doing too much. I have to remind him often that I am not broken and can still do things!

wendy46001

DH is very OCD in how things are cleaned.  Therefore he cleans 98% of the house (and does laundry) I tend to do more of the cooking and childcare. Works good for us as I tend to be a bit of a slob if left to my own devices.

em4iowa

Lchanek said: MH was raised believing (although he'll argue otherwise) that women are to do all of the chores, inside and outdoors; in addition to helping with whatever they're doing in the barn or field. He will grill meat and sometimes move clothes from the washer to the dryer but I have to remind him all night. It's really annoying.



I am also married to a farmer, but I am a city. One day, a few months after we got married he said, "Well I didn't know you didn't want to be a wife! You don't keep the house clean or cook or do gardening." I replied that I had never made him dinner while we were dating (I am an okay-ish cook but I don't like it and he is much better and also used to his mother's AMAZING cooking and 3-course meals). As for cleaning, hmm, well, I just don't like to do it. Additionally, I've never been a neat person. I mean it's clean, it's just cluttered often. And I HATE gardening. I despise it. 

Beyond all those facts, which he knows, I explained equality and what it entails... At the time I was working full time and going to school. It was winter so things on the farm were pretty nonexistent and I explained to him that he was fully capable. 

Thankfully I picked a husband with a brain and he took what I said to heart. We've never had a similar discussion since and we split the chores in a way that we both feel is even. Currently I spend much less time outside of the house while he works overtime so I do more of the housework, but he still helps. And weekends are spent having fun. If any cleaning is going on we are both doing it. 

I might do his laundry if I feel like it, but he never does mine (he ruins things and doesn't know where they go, how to fold my clothes, etc.) and we treat the washer and dryer like a community one would be: if his clothes are in the dryer when I go to use it then his clothes are put wherever for him to deal with later and vice versa.

TL;DR

Housework is a compromise and some men need more help than others to get to that point in which they're willing to pitch in. However, the wife can't complain about how it's done (unless it's half-assed) and need to let them clean their own way.

MapleMomma

I'm probably on the outside of this discussion. MH and I have very traditional roles in our home. This is probably due to the fact that both of our parents also hold traditional roles and we all believe strongly about it.

Now, I very carefully say this with the belief that if we both weren't on board it wouldn't work. However, it's what we prefer and it works for us. The important thing is finding what works for your marriage.

I should also say that when things get busy, I am often found driving tractor, hauling a load, tending to animal chores, or wrenching on something. Those are pizza nights.

I hope to teach my children two things, 1) find what works to best uplift your marriage and 2) We are all capable of it all, but our degree of skill may very, most likely due to our preference of tasks.

Hope this makes sense, please don't flame me!

jennjilljo

@MapleMomma‌ I agree that finding what works for you and your SO is what's important.

abcd2002

Same in my house! No kids yet but I get grocery shopping, cooking, taking care of the cats and the occasional pick up session but he does the cleaning and laundry...always the laundry. He's OCD, reads the tags...but it works! We split the work and no one feels slighted!

Paleomama

My husband cooks, cleans and works full time. In love!!!

foxslaw

I'll do a lot of basic cleaning and organizing, but my Bf pretty much always does the dishes, cooking, and trash & usually helps with cleaning too!
What a catch!