Let your anger out

stefuge

Can we do another anger venting post? I know that's a common emotion in grief - I'm feeling plenty of it lately - so let's let it all out. Go!

stefuge

I had to start this thread for two reasons, both related to Colton's birthday.

First, we didn't hear from ANY of my in laws on his birthday. NOT AT ALL. Neither of MHs parents or siblings called, texted, left a message on FB, nothing. I am so pissed at them right now, I can't believe that they would forget his birthday. Next year or 5 years, okay maybe cause life goes on or whatever, but his first birthday? I feel like at least my MIL should have realized - this is her grandson! And MH won't even talk about it, which I know means he's pissed and hurt and I just hurt for him, because it's just so wrong for them all to forget.

****DS mentioned****




Second, I'm pissed at FB. Last week our family had two big milestones - my older son started pre-k and then Thursday we celebrated Colton's first birthday. So Monday, I posted a photo of Landon on his first day of school and got like 40 likes and a bunch of comments, then Thursday I post a photo of us with Colton's birthday ballon and a message wishing him a happy first birthday. That post got 7 likes and 3 comments. Seriously?! Not even all my family and close friends "liked" the post. I get that people feel weird "liking" sad status updates about our babies, but his birthday? My comment was happy, the other comments that were left were happy. I just don't get it. I know people don't know what to say, but it was glaringly obvious this week the difference between these two events in our family. So annoying.

ikrystal

**ticker warning**

stefuge I know what you mean about the FB likes!  I'm not on FB but my husband is, and if he posts a picture of a deck he built, everyone and their mom likes and comments on it.  If he posts something about the boys, its like a ghost town.  I know its only FB but seriously.... wtf.  I'm so sorry you are going through this.  I am angry FOR you because your in laws did not acknowledge his birthday.  I would go absolutely nuts if that happened.  You have every right to be angry.  I really hope that maybe you can talk to them about it and it can all be settled.   

I'm angry EVERY DAY. I'm mad that people take their babies for granted and complain about them.  I'm angry that people who don't want babies have them.  I'm PISSED that to everyone else, this is old news.  No one talks about Conner and Ben, and if I bring them up, people change the subject.  Sometimes we just want to talk about how we love them and how proud we are of them.  As time goes by, I feel like I have to fight to keep their memories alive. 

msunshine123

@stefuge - I am angry for you and your husband. I can not believe your in-laws! That is not ok at all. I think my ILs are pretty clueless sometimes too - my mother in law doesn't understand why I don't want to go to my SIL's shower in a few weeks.
@ikrystal - I agree - I can not not stand people who take their babies for granted and people who have them but don't want them.
My SIL is pregant and due in Oct and has always mentioned how she "never wanted children" it just hurts now that MH and I lost our very much wanted and loved son.

stefuge

@ikrystal‌ - it is so hard when moms take their babies, their children, their pregnancies for granted. I have a friend whose daughter was born three weeks after Colton, and she will call and complain about how hard it is with a newborn and how tired she is and how she never sees her baby cause she's working so much (doesn't have to work but chooses to) and I just want to scream at her sometimes. People are oblivious.

@msunshine123‌ - that is so insensitive of your SIL. ((Hugs))

diamante1181

I just HATE everything right now. That comment counts, right? 

First, I hate that any of us have to live with this horrific reality. I despise that it seems that we, alone, as parents are the only ones keeping our little babies' memories alive. I loathe that my MIL had previously asked (multiple times, I might add) for pics of the twins as though she were entitled to them and my mom as well. I'm upset that no one has checked up on us since we lost Phoebe and that no one will talk about her. I hate pregnant people that are shoving their bellies in my face and those that complain or otherwise have some out-of-pocket comment about being parents. 

There.

ikrystal

msunshine123 that is one of the worst things - people who say they never wanted children and here they are... pregnant and in your face.  I just want to scream at them!

diamante1181 I'm so sorry that no one has checked up on you.  Our pastor said at our boys memorial that it was important for people not to forget us, not a month from now or at Christmas or years down the line because we live with this every day for the rest of our lives.  I really hope that people start to remember that for your sake. 

stefuge

@diamante1181‌ - I am so sorry that no one is checking in with you. That is just so wrong. ((Hugs))

Mel&John2013

****siggy warning


@diamante1181‌ I'm so sorry you're not getting the support you need. I'm glad you can talk about it here!

Like everyone said already, I hate people who complain about their kids and the ones who are stupid and pregnant and take it for granted.

This is probably going to sound so petty, but I'm angry with my SIL.
My sister and BIL are putting together a golf outing and dinner in September to raise money in Lincoln's name for the children's hospital here. Yesterday was the last day for registration, and my sister and BIL have made it clear from the start that money must be paid by the registration date. We have over 150 people attending so they had to make that rule or it would get out of hand. SIL, who lives 1.5 hours away and had shown no interest in the event, decides at the last minute to register and asks my sister if she can pay on the day of. Not if she can mail her check that day, but wants to put it off until day of. My sister says she's sorry, but no, just like she's told everyone. Does SIL run out and make sure to get her check in the mail? No. She calls my husband and asks him to cover her and she'll pay him back on the day of. My family sent in their registration and money, and put together beautiful baskets for the raffles we're having, months ago. SIL just passes the responsibilty to us, expecting everything from everyone as usual. It's $25, come on, mail the damn check. We're the parents here, don't ask us for things. I found it so selfish.

She's been on my list since she visited Lincoln in the hospital the day before we removed the breathing tube. I still can't pinpoint it, but something about how she talked to me that day just pissed me off and I've had no interest in anything about her since.

msunshine123

@diamante1181 - I am so sorry you are not getting the support you need from family. We are here for you whenever you need it.
@Mel&John2013 - that is just so wrong with your SIL.
@ikrystal - your pastor sounds amazing - people should not forget your children and continue to be supportive.