WWF14 Do? (Brother's baby related.)

Codypup

My brother's girlfriend just told me that the other night, the (2 week old) baby was crying every time they put her in her crib. She said when she would pick the baby up, she would stop crying and calm down.

So their solution was to put the baby down in the crib, leave the room, and let the 2 week old cry herself to sleep.

I feel sick over this. Maybe it's none of my business. She's not asking for my advice, she just informed me of what she chose to do. Do I say something? Do I leave it alone?

I could literally cry right now thinking about that poor baby crying herself into exhaustion. Help.

breadpudding

Oh no! I would say something for sure. Regardless of it's your place or not, that baby needs "a voice" and I'd probably stand up and say that it isn't okay to let a 2 week old CIO.

This makes me sad too.

breadpudding

The more I think about this, the more upset I'm truly getting. Please say something.

Codypup

I feel absolutely sick over this. I want to say something but I'm just trying to put myself in their shoes, and remember how I'd feel at 2 weeks PP. If someone had called me to tell me something like this, I'd hate them. I'm so scared it will ruin my relationship with them. 

But that baby.

I think I'm going to have to say something. But arghhhhh! This is none of my business! 

Codypup

Sakura0019 said:

Ugh. That's such a hard situation! Can you try and start a discussion with her about it, maybe ask why she chose that method? Maybe it would lead to an opening for you to gently explain why that's not appropriate for a two week old

She said "nothing else was working." Meaning, unless the baby was being held, she wouldn't calm down. 

iwubrory

Oh man, I don't understand this. Why don't they know that you give a newborn all of the attention and cuddles he/she needs. If people were just setting their babies down and going about their business of sleeping, eating, doing anything normal, then no one would ever say that having a newborn is hard.

I think you have to say something too. Can you talk to your brother or do you feel more comfortable talking to her?

sdlaura

I'm generally anti interfering, but I would talk to them about this. In a commiserating way, not an accusatory one. But they need to know that a baby that age it learning to trust his parents and needs to be tended to quickly.

Codypup

I'm about to call her. She just texted me that she wants my advice, so I'm going to be honest. In a super nice way, but at least she opened that door for me. 

Codypup

I did it!!! I called her, and she was open to it all, and SAID "tell me what you think." I led with a "I'm not claiming to be a parenting expert in the LEAST, because hell my kid doesn't sleep either....but the research I've read says blah blah blah." And I told her about the orphanages. 

She was thankful, and I gave her alternative suggestions (swaddle, rock n play, bassinet, heating pad, elevation, etc) and she's eager to try those. 

I still feel like kind of an ass, but I also don't think I could have been okay if I hadn't spoken up.

Thanks for the push guys.  

Codypup

elf828 said:

I'm really glad you helped her - I'm sure it was a little scary but I think you handled it perfectly! Don't you feel badly for people who don't have a huge group of women to learn from like we do?

I really do! This whole thing made me realize that 99% of the knowledge I have about this kind of thing comes directly from F14.

I also let her know I don't know what the hell I'm doing half the time, and we still have W in the damn bed with us because we suck at sleep routines and have a terrible sleeper in general. But research was my friend in this scenario because I could rely on what the experts advise, you know?

I'm just so glad she was open to it. I was terrified of making her angry and burning bridges. 

iwubrory

I'm glad you were able to talk to her and that she was open to advice.

TessyMessy

I'm glad that you were able to talk to her and that the conversation was positive! Those first few weeks pp can be super overwhelming.. I'm glad she has someone like you to offer constructive advice.

breadpudding

This is an awesome update. \:D/

Bugs02

I'm so glad you were able to talk to her. Sounded like she really just needed some good advice.

MamaAllison

Good job @Codypup, I know that was tough!

gingerm84

Great job! That couldn't have been easy!

goobermom

In so glad to see that this went well!
I'm hoping for the baby's sake that this was originally one of those times when mom is just burnt out and has to put the baby down and walk away for a few min to calm down, and that the baby feel asleep while she was gone.
I'm so glad that she reached out to you for help and that you were courageous enough to tell it to her straight. That takes a lot of guts. Hopefully now she will be better prepared in the future!