Introduction - TTC 13 months

carrieharry79

Hi All,

I posted to the 35+ board too, but don't really know which board I should be posting to. Historically, I've been a lurker, but today I got some news that made me want to reach out to people and seek some support. I will add some testing info to my signature soon... gotta figure that out.

We've been trying for about a year and started seeing a fertility specialist after about 9 months (since I'm 35). I have had a FemVue test (which is like the dye test), blood work, a couple of ultrasounds and my husband has done two semen tests. All of my tests came back in the normal range. His were low in volume, motility and morphology. They weren't SUPER low, except for the motility one which was pretty much our kiss of death for a natural pregnancy. I've been hanging in there pretty well, talking to one friend who has been through it all and been trying for 7 years. I've stayed optimistic, but today I got a call saying that I have high risk precancerous cells on my cervix and I need to have a LEEP procedure. This means we have to delay IVF and my chances of miscarriage go up, not to mention the cancer word just gives me chills. 

Now, I'm negative. I'm so down. I found out on my way to work today and couldn't stop crying and just had to leave and come back home. I know so many women have been trying longer and don't know what is wrong and I shouldn't feel so bad for myself. I have been pretty good about keeping that perspective, but this cancer scare has just introduced me to my breaking point. 

I've found it difficult to talk to anyone who isn't TTC. People asking me when I'm going to have kids makes me want to scratch their eyes out. I haven't even told my sister about my issues because it feels so awkward. For some reason, this just seems easier. Everyone here knows what it feels like and we can relate. At least, that's my hopes.

Thank you in advance for your support!

BunnyBerry

I'm so sorry for your bad news about the need for a LEEP. I'm glad they caught those cells now so it can be taken care of! Since everyone has a different amount of area that needs to be treated, perhaps your doctor can give you individualized information as to what extent he/she feels it may increase your risks?

I'm so sorry, too, that you have to delay IVF when you had just started to get used to the idea. Perhaps your doctor can also predict for you how long you'll need to wait before IVF?

As far as this part - "I know so many women have been trying longer and don't know what is wrong and I shouldn't feel so bad for myself" - your feelings are real and valid. We can always find someone in a "worse" position and a "better" position than ourselves but it doesn't detract from your right to have your feelings. I hope you are able to get some more answers and some good news, and feel more hopeful soon.

I'm glad you're able to share with us here. Several women on the board have chosen, like you, not to tell others IRL about their trouble TTC, so you are certainly not alone!

carrieharry79

Thank you @bunnyberry. I really appreciate your response.

amus112904

Welcome to the bored. I know how it feels like to not want to tell others that your having IF problems. I told my mom. I told two friends because they keep asking me when I was going to have a baby because I've been married for 3 years.

SarahP1986

I'm so sorry that you are this really difficult situation. I understand what you mean by knowing that other people have been trying longer, have more problems, etc. than you do but that doesn't make your feelings any less real or any easier to deal with. You feel what you feel. It's great that you are reaching out to people who can understand where you are coming from.  I don't really have any advice to offer other than this is a great place to come for support and I wish you the best of luck!