Who else is not finding out the sex? Why?

jennypolkadots

We decided before ever getting pregnant that we didn't want to know the sex of any of our children before birth. 

For the most part people think it is really cool but some friends and family have been weird about it. How will I buy something for your shower? How will you know what to name it? How will you bond with the baby before it is born? etc. which all sounds crazy to me. We love this little bean regardless of what is between his or her legs. We don't believe infants have gender identities and we have had no issues finding adorable clothes and nursery items that can hopefully be used over and over for all of our kids. 

So for those of you who are not finding out the sex, what is your biggest reason? Have you had any weird remarks about your choice?

** This is absolutely not meant to put down parents who want to find out the sex of their babies. That is definitely the norm and I do understand why you would decide to find out. There are some benefits that might be a big deal for some mothers. I am just curious about those of us who have decided not to.

allrightmeow

We found out with DD but wanted to do it different the second time around.  There are so few surprises in life and we decided we wanted this to be one of them.  We didn't have any overly weird comments.  Just the standard "how we will know what to buy" "I could never wait because I like to plan" stuff. After awhile people started to have fun just guessing.  The majority said boy and we welcomed our little guy into the world in June. 

MyLayla

We've decided not to find out because we figured it's the one surprise you get out of life.    We are very happy with our decision and have not found any trouble about buying things for baby M.  Some of our friends still give us a hard time and find it difficult to understand our decision, but we're okay with not knowing and that's all that matters.  There's more to a person than what gender they are and after peoples reactions, I'm even happier with our decision knowing that my little boy or girl will not be judged before it's even born!  People can be crazy.  And ironically that's exactly what some think of us for not finding out - LOL.  

Neesey

Not finding out here either.  DH desperately wants to know but this time it was my turn.  We did PGD with our IVF cycle and knew that our only good embie was a boy.  He didn't stick and since this pregnancy was a surprise, I really want my DH to tell me after delivery.  I think it takes pressure off the name too when we don't know if it is a boy or a girl.  We have names picked out for each and will share them prior.  We just won't know which one we'll be using.  

Our nursery theme, Starry Night, wouldn't change for a boy or a girl.  I don't think that having a girl means that everything needs to be pink.  

ashiscute

I found out with my first and not my second.  I really didn't want to know and DH did so we compromised and did one of each.  I loved not knowing and if we have another we won't find out again.  

The weirdest comment I had was "would they not tell you?" as if the dr knew and was just taunting me.  I got A LOT of "I could never do that.  I'd have to know".  I've never understood that.  

animalcrckr

We have experienced both ways.  We found out the sex at the 20 week anatomy scan with DS1.  

We decided to wait unit the birth with DS2 and DD.  Just from our personal experience of going both ways, I can say that finding out in the delivery room is an amazing experience!  The anticipation is so exciting and I cannot imagine doing it any other way.

Empireceo

I didn't find out with either kid and people were so indignant. I thought that was pretty funny. I wouldn't trade that moment in the delivery room for anything.

Ralphie2015

My DH wants to know but I have never wanted to know...we are not finding out.  An older lady told me that you go through so much being pregnant and that it is so nice to have a huge surprise to look forward to.  I think that she is completely right, especially with having a higher risk pregnancy.  Also, I think that now a days we can plan out every little detail of every event and it is so nice to have a REAL unknown. 

I don't want a super pink or blue nursery either way, so it won't matter when I actually get around to registering if it is a girl or a boy. 

Plus it's funny to see how crazy people get when you tell them you aren't finding out.

minirella

I'm with twins, we know the sex of one but not the other mainly due to its position in my pelvis. They are going to try one more time in 3 weeks (at 24w6d) but I was told that if the baby does not change positions, then we won't know. I refuse to spend $$ on an elective u/s. Plus, my husband's paternal side of the family is dying to know and I think it is kind of funny to keep them in suspense.

allrightmeow

starscream said:

We didn't find out with DS. We just wanted to wait until the baby was born to know the sex, that was really the only reason.

And yes, every remark about us waiting was strange. How will you bond with the baby? How will you know what colors to buy? How will you decorate the nursery? How do you survive? But that's what ultrasounds are for! That's impossible. And my favorite.... You're lying, you know the sex and you just don't want to tell anyone.

HA one of my sisters said this. 

SSCmomma

I've waited 37 yrs so far, I can wait a few more months.  As for those that ask dumb questions, remind them that plenty of babies were born, loved, named and clothed before we could find out the sex.  Those are just excuses for impatience.

Sahara6971

I never wanted to find out with any of mine but my husband did. So w/ #1 we found out. #2 we didn't. We decided to flip a coin w/ #3 and I won so we won't find out. My reason for not wanting to know this time might sound kind of bad, lol. I really want a little girl. If I found out now that it was another boy, I might be a tiny bit disappointed. If I find out in the delivery room, I will be happy regardless of the sex because I will be meeting my child.

My mom died really young and my MIL just died recently. Between my husband and I we have 4 brothers and no sisters. None of them are married, no children or even girlfriends for that matter. I even have 2 boy dogs, lol. I literally have NO women in my family so a girl would mean a lot to me.

mc0113

We're not finding out and I love the anticipation it's building. It's the only true surprise in life and we're willing to wait  few extra weeks to find out. Plus, I tear up at the thought of DH being able to tell me if baby is a boy or girl then telling our families in the waiting room. It'll be so much more exciting. Most people are really surprised because I am such a planner, but honestly there is nothing that knowing if baby is a boy or girl that would change about how I plan to prepare for a new baby. 

ap0wer

I found out with this pregnancy, but when (and if) I have another baby, I don't want to find out! It seems so much more fun to not know until that final moment.

jennypolkadots

So many of us have really similar reasons. Makes me feel like we aren't the only "crazy" ones for wanting the sex to be a surprise! I understand why people want to know but it seems so anti climatic to know at 20 weeks "it's a boy we're naming him Joe" like 90% of babies I know. Then all shower gifts are blue clothes you don't need and people focus on gender related stuff even though sex does not equal gender. Lots of kicking? soccer player! (Why can't he be a ballerina?) I really do understand why people find out and if you are having the ultrasounds anyways then they figure you might as well. Of course we are curious, but it just makes me look forward to delivery day that much more!  :x

runawaylaurel

My biggest reason is we'd just like it to be a surprise, but I also agree with @jennypolkadots that I hate gender-stereotyping that begins in the womb. My coworker, who is otherwise awesome, always talked about her unborn baby in the "boys will be boys" sense. If he was particularly active that day, it was because he had so much energy in his little boy body. She called him "rowdy," and predicted he'd be a football player. I feel that like that nonsense will happen once s/he's born anyways, might as well give the kid a few months of not being fit into a box. (PS this coworker is a loving mother now, but her behavior toward her fetus weirded me out)

Beevol

We learned the sex with both this pregnancy and DD at the AS at 20 weeks, because we're nosey and curious. If we didn't and someone said that they wouldn't know what to buy for the baby shower I would have just told them to get us a huge box of size 1 diapers and a gift certificate for our favorite baby friendly restaurant or possibly for a prenatal massage. If they insist on getting clothing, the vast majority of sleepers/onesies are unisex - girls and boys can equally wear puppies or cute bugs or safari/jungle animals.

Alygohome

I never wanted to find out, and if it were up to me we wouldn't but my husband really really wants to know, so I will be finding out. He doesn't ask me for much, so I don't mind finding out for him. I don't care either way what it is, and neither does he, I just think he is curious. I am having the opposite reaction, most people in my area don't find out, my friend and her husband were over for dinner and when we told them we were finding out they were horrified, making comments about how its the best surprise, and I wont want to push as hard if I know what it is because I won't be wondering if its a boy or girl and all sorts of stuff like that. You'd think I told them I smoke crack while pregnant.

I don't care either way if people find out.

jennypolkadots

@Algohome - if DH really wanted to know we might find out. He was indifferent at first but after the weeks passed he is so excited about not knowing. Like it's this ultimate cosmic secret. I don't think finding out "ruins it" at all, we all are excited to meet our children.

I LOLed at the "you'd think I told them I smoke crack while pregnant!" So true. I am getting this sort of response over not finding out and it makes us laugh. "WHAT?!?! Why do you not want to know?!?! How will you possibly prepare?" like we are making some reckless decision that will hurt the child in some way. 

One trend I can't understand at all (but I really don't care what people do either way) is finding out but telling everyone else they know but aren't telling. No one cares as much as you do lol

shellybean3788

Gender disappointment is less likely if you're finding out the sex of your baby at the same moment you are meeting that magical little creature and falling in love.

I'm not going to find out next time. I didn't experience gender disappointment at the ultrasound reveal, but DH did. He's over it now, happily

cinderella4282

With Baby #1 I was worried that DH would be disappointed if it wasn't a boy - do we decided to wait until baby was born. Well, she came out a girl and there was no disappointment in that moment. DH was so proud to be the one to tell me as we met our little girl for the first time. We knew at that moment that if we ever had another one, we would want that moment again.

So here we are again - this time it has nothing to do with gender disappointment (DH actually says he WANTS another girl but would be happy with a boy too). It's more about that perfect moment when you get to meet your little one. 

It's also kind of fun keeping the family in the dark....mu hahaha

ashiscute

shellybean3788 said:

Gender disappointment is less likely if you're finding out the sex of your baby at the same moment you are meeting that magical little creature and falling in love.

I'm not going to find out next time. I didn't experience gender disappointment at the ultrasound reveal, but DH did. He's over it now, happily

I was afraid of this a bit when I was pregnant with DS.  I already had a girl and we love her obviously but both DH and I wanted a boy.  When DS was born and DH said "its a boy" I did not believe him but I sobbed uncontrollably anyway.  

Angeldcf

We didn't find out with DS, and we won't with this one. 

Sentimental: DH got to help deliver DS and announce the sex to me.  It was neat bc so much of the pg was about me or I knew first (+ hpt, symptoms, flutters, contractions, etc). 

Control-freak: during pg #1, strangers kept telling me "see my twin girls?  I was told 100% they were boys at the scan."  Everybody's cousins-sisters-friends-aunt knew somebody who was told incorrectly.  I couldn't relax knowing there was always that chance the tech was wrong.  I reminded people that only very recently did we have this technology.  People have survived for THOUSANDS of years w/o knowing the sex.  crazy, huh?

Materialistic: we got needed STUFF at our shower, not just clothes.  Bibs, pack n play, bottles, paci, activity mat, wipes, cloth diapers, books!  We barely need anything for baby #2 bc the stuff & clothing 0-9 mo is gender neutral.  New mom friends have later told me they wish they kept the sex a secret until after the shower because they received clothes, bows, clothes, socks, clothes, sparkly newborn shoes, clothes.

Passive-aggressive: it drove my mom crazy.  She had to wait a few months to splurge on the cutesy outfits. 

Kudos to folks who find out the sex.  Just don't look at the rest of us like we're crazy

eta: spelling

mamabisme

This is our third baby but the first we are team green on. To me it it a non-issue but I have found several people to be surprisingly negative about it. This is our third! There will be no shower and we aren't expecting anyone to buy us anything so you would think people wouldn't care either way. People still seem to think it's weird.

The most common response I've received is people asking how we will "plan," for this baby's arrival (or stating that they could never be team green because they are "planners"). It's rather irritating to me because I am most definitely a "planner," but nothing about planning for our baby's arrival would be the slightest bit different if we knew that our baby would have a penis or a vagina. Girl babies and boy babies need the same exact things. Our baby will have this things, whatever sex it may be. I'm sorry I've gotten a bit off topic with this rant. It's just really starting to get to me. By suggesting that they could not do what we have chosen to do because they prefer to plan for their babies, people at suggesting (in my mind) that we are making no plans and therefore will be unprepared.

With my first two, we found out the sex at our anatomy scan. This time, we've just decided to wait. It's nbd, really. Just our preference this time around.

janetngreg

We decided not to find out, and I'm hoping it gives me that extra motivation towards the end of delivery to get the baby out!

kdhuling

Wow I can't believe people would say stuff like that to you guys simply for not finding out the sex. It always seemed like a really fun option to me. We did find out with this one but I think if we are lucky enough to have more children we will wait. Like other posters said there are few true surprises in life. Why not enjoy it. Good luck with all the nay sayers OP!

thejucheidea

We're not finding out because we don't want people to start gendering him or her before birth.

tbarker14

We decided not to find out. The funny thing is most people who are part of the older generation such as parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents are all happy we are waiting.
Its our friends (our generation) that's all puzzled that we would wait.
My DH's brother just had a little boy 3 weeks ago and they found out the gender prior. So I think DH's family got to experience knowing vs not knowing. They have expressed that the not knowing is a bit more exciting. Waiting for the day the baby decides to be born.
This is the one good surprise in pregnancy that you want. We have names picked out as well. No one knows of the names either. So it's double to surprise for everyone.
The weird remarks we get, we just shrug them off and tell people they are weird if they think we can't love our LO without knowing. (That usually makes them think and shut up! Lol)
As for the nursery we decided on an animal/nature theme since we are both animal and nature lovers. It works really well for a gender neutral nursery!

cameronsamurai

I'm not sure yet! My husband is deployed and will be home a few weeks before edd, I wanted to wait because I didn't want him to miss out on everything but he wants to know asap! I just want a healthy baby!

jennypolkadots

@cameronsamurai - I think not finding out until the birth would be so great in your situation. It would be so overwhelming to get to have that experience together. 

But, if he just really really wants to know maybe you could surprise him. Are you able to send him mail? It could be cute to find out but tell him you didn't and then mail him something that reveals it. I bet that would totally make his day. I would do a framed ultrasound picture that says "our son" or "our daughter" and a little onesie that says "My daddy is my hero" or something cute like that. I know they make a lot of army related onesies if you google it. Just a thought if you decide to find out! 

If my husband really cared at all we would just find out. It's not a big deal and we have no preference. But DH is more team not finding out than I am at this point lol 

Serunatu

I decided to find out the sex because finding out I was pregnant was enough of a surprise for me! I think if I have more children I would like to be surprised. I get so irritated when people call her my "little princess" or "little diva". Leave her alone, you don't even know her yet!

MarxieVonTrapp

We were Team Green with our daughter and are again.  We're TG for a lot of the same reasons other people have mentioned-- we didn't want gendered gifts, we wanted the element of surprise.  I'm incredibly Type A, so when people ask me how I can plan for a baby if I don't know the sex, I just tell them that it's a baby, not a dinosaur.  We have baby clothes, and we'll get diapers. And that's really all the baby needs since we have all stuff already.

I f'ing hate it when people tell me that I can't bond properly because I don't know the sex.  It drives me insane.  I usually just look at them like the assholes they are.

I find that when someone knows the sex and the name, the excitement is sort of...baseline: Oh, John Smith arrived today.  He was 8 lbs, 6 oz, and 20 inches long.  Woo.  When you don't know, it's a conversation--oh, what did she have?  Oh, a girl?  Oh, what's the name?!?  Etc.  There is almost always joy when a child is born, but when it's a surprise?  Oh, it's so different then.

If we go for 3, I would like to find out the sex then. Because we're not going for four and I just want to see what it's like.

Megpie5

DH and I were super indecisive and weren't sure if we wanted to know or not.  We weighed the pros and cons, listened to everyone else's opinions and went into the A/S still being unsure.  We decided to leave it up to baby.....and he/she decided to stay curled up and not reveal anything. Now I'm really happy that we didn't find out. I think it would have been anti-climactic in the ultrasound room, our families are excited about the surprise and now I don't have to worry about receiving a bunch of pink or blue clothes!

JCWhitey

We would like to have several children and want to foster someday, so it was important to us that all of our gear and clothing remained gender neutral. I personally hate the color pink and feel like the moment you announce you are having a girl you are buried in a pinksplosion whether you request it or not. So we just didn't find out. With #2 we are going to find out if we can. DH wants to. I could care less so I figured I'd let him have it his way. And my favorite replied from family were "it's driving me crazy!" (Um... OK, well, it's not your baby!), "I'll just wait until the baby is born and buy a more specific gift" (luckily no one did that), and "But you're planning a football themed nursery, what if it's a girl" (because *I* love football and I'm the one who has to spend time in that area. The baby could care less so I'm doing it for me... A female who is obsessed with football).

JCWhitey

janetngreg said:

We decided not to find out, and I'm hoping it gives me that extra motivation towards the end of delivery to get the baby out!

This was one of my reasons with DS, too, but honestly I forgot all about that during labor! It wasn't until DH said "oh my gosh it's a boy!" That I remembered that I didn't know. I kind of wish someone had reminded me during labor, would have given me something else to focus on. So maybe mention that to you birth partner so they remind you!