Depression And the Waiting Game

thiscoffeechick

I just had my second miscarriage and my DH and I were told to wait 2 cycles before trying again. I understand that I need to give myself time to grieve and I honor that.
Honestly the hardest part is waiting to try again. I felt like after my first loss, trying again made me feel pro-active and even between ovulation and taking a HPT, I had something to look forward to.
I'm hoping for advice on how to get through the depression I feel as I sit here waiting for time to pass. If I had a fast forward button, I'd actually SKIP these next two months of my life which is a horrible notion. I'm blessed with health, a wonderful loving husband, and a great life, yet I'd trade it to be able to try again for a child.
There are women with cancer who would give anything for two more months of life and I am squandering it. There are women who cannot have children whose "two months" will not end. I feel guilty for my self-pity.
Any advice on ways to appreciate what I have? A gratitude journal? Weekend trips with the DH? Kickboxing? I just feel... Stuck.
Thank you so much in advance for your input. I am sorry for the losses you have experienced.

KingLED

Don't discount your own feelings just because someone else might have it worse. You have every right to feel shitty right now. The waiting sucks. For me, I used that time to improve some of my bad habits, get more exercise, get better about food choices, take care of whatever other health things might need taken care of. That sort of thing.

Have you thought about finding a therapist? I know I push it all the time, but a good therapist is an invaluable resource that I cannot suggest enough. Just take care of yourself however you need to.

Spring78

First, I am so sorry for your losses. I totally agree with PP. You are entitled to your feelings and they are no more or less valid than anyone's. Don't try to judge the value of your pain against others. There is always someone "worse off" so that route will just drive you crazy. What matters right now is how you are feeling and embracing your right to your own experience.

As for passing the time... I know exactly how you feel. In many ways, the last month since my miscarriage has been the longest of my life. I just want to try again and look to the future. Unfortunately, I will not be able to try again until late October/early November. Personally, to make time move faster, DH and I volunteered to foster a litter of abandoned kittens & their mom for a local rescue group. We just got them a few days ago and already they are working their magic, brightening up our lives again and giving us something else to focus on until it is time to try again. :-)

purduepat2004

Sorry for all of your losses. I love what Spring is doing! I need to wait one more week for a follow up appointment and then additional cycle after that. The limbo game sucks. I am doing home improvement projects like painting a room, gutting the bathroom, now that I can. Deep cleaning bc I felt like I was so tired when I was pregnant and I put things off. Making a list and completing tasks has helped the time pass. Good luck!

thiscoffeechick

Thank you Ladies for your feedback. I'm def going to take your suggestions. Unfortunately I can't foster any more animals as I already have 2 puppies but you're right about helping others (human or otherwise) to give me something positive to focus on.
I'm taking your advice on the home improvement and @KingLED‌ I made an appointment with my old therapist for next week and solidified my spot in a women's retreat in Sedona in October.
Genuine thank you again, all. ❤️

GummiBearJ

I'm so sorry for your loss and I definitely understand how hard it is to wait. I don't think your patience is unjustified - it's so hard to have a setback like a miscarriage! It's like taking one step forward and two (or more) steps back). 

For myself, I'm focusing on getting my mind and body as healthy as possible before trying again. I'm working on my diet and going to counseling, as well as acupuncture and meditation. I want to improve my attitude in general, as I tend to always default to negativity and pessimism and I don't think it's doing me any favors. I also want to try to get my house a bit more organized and focus on just being more attentive and compassionate to my loved ones. I've gotten really got up in the despair I've been feeling and so some simple gratitude exercises seem to help. 

Anyway, I wish you the best of luck, and as my mother always says, this too shall pass!

purplehaze11

I'm sorry for your losses. I just had a second miscarriage, and I find the waiting much more difficult this time around. When I heard my levels were still high this week I wanted to simultaneously burst into tears and punch the tech who delivered the news. Feels like it will never end, I'm starting a new exercise program on Monday for September to help me get through it.