NBR: Wedding Invitation

PandaCon

Ok ladies. (lady's), I'm at a loss here. How would you respond to this wedding invitation. 

The invite was sent to just DH. Not even Mr. DH, just DH. The response card just says names with a blank and then number attending. 

DH knows/grew up with the groom and I have met them both a handful of times at gatherings. (Mostly weddings) Not really close at all. 

Here is my question: Am I invited? Is DS invited? From my knowledge of invite ettiqutte. Only DH is invited but that seems strange to me I guess.  If they are just being really informal with their invites, does that mean me and DS are invited? Just DH and I? Just DH? 

Maybe I'm overthinking it....

NLJ82

I don't care to offend...and that's tacky, but so am I AND I would say bring the whole fam damily. It sounds very vague and if they wanted to limit it or have no children, I think it should have been included so I'd write all three names in the blank and go from there.

Edit:That IS IF you even want to go. I don't typically get excited about events that are for people I barely know...just sayin..

Celticlass6

Usually the invite is to whomever is listed on the outside envelope. In this case it sounds like just your husband. If you think they're bring more casual about it, and your husband is close enough with them, could you have him ask?

Seems weird that they wouldn't at least invite you since they've met you before. Our rule for our wedding was you only got a plus one if you were in an established relationship with someone. (We did have someone ask if he could bring a date, we said yes since he told us they'd been together for a while. We found out later he lied to us and didn't even end up bringing her).

missnacholover

My thought would be that you aren't invited.  If you are, they need a lesson in wedding invitation wording etiquette!!!

uncharted01

I would assume that only your husband was invited, which I think is pretty weird. Do you know another couple that was invited that you could check with?

absolutelymaybe

I would always assume the spouse of the invitee would be invited. That's a really poor choice of wording on their part. I think they need a lesson on how to address wedding invites (unless they truly mean just DH is invited and that's just odd).

If you're all that worried, I would call and ask them to clarify.

runningmama14

Etiquette would dictate that you aren't invited, based on the how the invitation is addressed. However since they didn't use Mr and it's super rude to not invite a spouse in most circumstances I would venture a guess that they don't know much about proper etiquette.   

If it were me, I would have DH call and ask.  Unless of course, I didn't feel like going.  Then I would tell DH, "looks like I'm not invited, have fun!"

brooklyngirl18

i always go by the who the invitation was addressed to on the outer envelope- Mr and Mrs Smith, Smith Family, Mr Smith etc. I would take this to mean you're not invited but i think it's super weird to invite a married person without their spouse. the plus 1 rule to me is only for dating and even then the invitation would/should read Mr smith and guest. I would maybe have dh ask since it mightve been an oversight or just say no.

JamieK1882

Agree with other people-if envelope just has DH's name, etiquette says just he is invited.

However, my darling future SIL is planning her wedding and doesn't understand etiquette at all. She randomly put +1 on some people's invites and not others, based on if she thought they would bring a guest or not. Maybe this person just doesn't know any better?

Autumnsnow

missnacholover said:

My thought would be that you aren't invited.  If you are, they need a lesson in wedding invitation wording etiquette!!!

^^^ yes this exactly

SweetMelissa5

According to etiquette, spouses have to be included, and everyone who is invited should be listed on the invitation, so they've either violated etiquette by not inviting you, or they've violated it by writing out their invitations incorrectly. If you want to go, I think you would be perfectly fine to rsvp for the two of you and see what happens, but I wouldn't include your DS. Personally, in this situation, I can't imagine that I'd want to go, so I'd just rsvp no and then forget about it.

PandaCon

Thanks everyone!

I am totally in agreement that based on the envelope, I'm not invited! To be honest, I'm not terribly disappointed. It's less than 4 weeks from due date and I don't know them well at all so I'm thinking of taking @runningmama14's advice and telling DH to HAVE FUN!

I'm also glad that I am not the only one who thinks it a bit tacky not to invite a spouse. I mean I am all for cutting budget and having those you really want at your wedding but to not include a spouse is tacky to me. 

Although @uncharted01, I didn't think of asking another couple what their invite said. Good idea. 

I do think it would be fun to go with the whole family though since DS is totally into dancing right now. 

:P

runningmama14

The only time I think it is somewhat ok to not invite a spouse is when it is a coworker, you have no outside social contact, you haven't met the spouse, and a large group of coworkers are invited (all without spouses).  Even then, it's NMS, but I kinda understand.

cindyNmark2010

Agreeing with PP's, names on envelope are invited.  Should say "Mr. & Mrs.".  I'd assume I wasn't invited.    Tacky to not invite a spouse.

jj0313

Since married and you've met them, I'd assume you are invited. Id have him send a text about the kid.

Loopyseven

WildFlower810 said:

Weird! It's generally proper to assume a +1 for people who are of dating age, so I'd go ahead and assume a +1 for someone who is married. 

No, it's not proper to assume that.  It's proper to address the invitation to those who are invited.  And it's proper to invite dating/engaged/married couples together as a social unit.  Inviting random plus ones is absolutely at the discretion of the hosts of the event.

Have your H call the groom and clarify.  Sounds like they don't know how to address invitations at all, or they are being extremely rude by not including you, as his wife.  Kids are hit or miss, so as long as you're clarifying that you're invited (as you should be) you might as well ask about your DS as well.

ssstephanie214

This is so confusing. Addressed to one, but a blank for how many in attendance?

I am with the apparent minority in guessing that since you are married, you are invited. I think this is a safe assumption because they were so informal in addressing the invitation to one head of household. And included that space for a number in attendance. ED: and names!!

The most recent wedding I was invited to was a friend from college who had prewritten "1" in such a blank space on the RSVP. Thought it was a good move to avoid this precise confusion ! !

Love4Science

Screw etiquette/what the envelope says.  You don't invite one member of a married couple to a wedding.  If your DH wants to go to this wedding, put the three of you on the RSVP card and let the couple figure out how to handle it.  If they really don't want you there, I'm sure they'll speak up.

It sounds like you don't know the couple well.  My guess?  They forgot what your name was and were too embarrassed/lazy to ask.

PandaCon

I would soooooo love to see a photo of this invite (with personal info edited out of course)

@kyliedaniellexx It's actually not that bad! Not super fancy or anything but nice. 

I did check out the website. Not much more info except where the reception is and who the bridal party is. 

mb314

This is a hard one.  I honestly think that a lot of people don't understand etiquette and wedding invites, on both the bride/groom side and the guest side.  I would venture to guess that they didn't mean to leave you off - can you DH ask if you're invited?  Maybe make an excuse that you need to know whether or not to get a sitter?  I wouldn't assume that your kids are invited, because it is more common not to include kids. 

When my BIL and SIL got married, DH and I had been dating for 6 years, were living together, and I had vacationed with his family several times and spent holidays with them (and we lived out of town from them).  The wedding invite was just addressed to DH, so I informed him that meant I wasn't invited.  However, it turns out that DH's mom (who put the invite list together), my BIL and my future SIL didn't understand invite etiquette and just assumed I would be DH's date.  I found it to be annoying, but they just were not informed of (nor cared about) etiquette. 

PandaCon

mb314 said:

This is a hard one.  I honestly think that a lot of people don't understand etiquette and wedding invites, on both the bride/groom side and the guest side.  I would venture to guess that they didn't mean to leave you off - can you DH ask if you're invited?  Maybe make an excuse that you need to know whether or not to get a sitter?  I wouldn't assume that your kids are invited, because it is more common not to include kids. 

When my BIL and SIL got married, DH and I had been dating for 6 years, were living together, and I had vacationed with his family several times and spent holidays with them (and we lived out of town from them).  The wedding invite was just addressed to DH, so I informed him that meant I wasn't invited.  However, it turns out that DH's mom (who put the invite list together), my BIL and my future SIL didn't understand invite etiquette and just assumed I would be DH's date.  I found it to be annoying, but they just were not informed of (nor cared about) etiquette. 

This is exactly what I think happened. "Knowing" the couple a little bit makes me think that they either don't understand that it is tacky not to invite a spouse (w/o special circumstances) OR they forgot my name and didn't know how to address the envelope. 

Either that or they forgot we are married and only meant to invite DH. Either way NBD since I really don't think I want to go. We have another wedding the weekend before and that one I DO want to attend so that will be my excuse. I don't want to attend two weddings in a row!

DH worked late last night so he didn't get a chance to contact anyone but I will let you all know what happens!

cindyNmark2010

If I remember correctly for my invitations I did inner and outer envelopes and specified on the inner who was invited.  I think I used this from TK:

https://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-invitations/articles/addressing-wedding-invitations.aspx

Examples:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith on the outer and inner would have said "Mr. and Mrs. Smith, John and Jane" if their kids John and Jane were invited.   

Mr. John Smith on the outer.  If Mr. Smith was in a commited relattionship I would put that person's name ont he inner too.....if he were allowed a guest it would say "Mr. Smith and Guest" for someone I didn't know.

 

Never just one person from a married couple though.