SIL Drama

Mayzie15

MH has three sisters and a brother. I have one brother. I'm the first to admit that I don't understand the sister dynamic. MH and I have been married 4 years and during this time his sisters have made my life miserable. The oldest sister has been married for 20 years with 2 children - 12 & 15. His brother has never been married and no children. He has twin sisters and he's the youngest. When we announced we were getting married the older sister was mad - we were stealing her thunder. When we announced my son - she was angry that took attention away from her kids. When we announced again she was livid -and she knows what we have gone through to get here. This past Saturday was my son's first birthday and one of the twins RSVP then backed out at the last minute to hang out with her boyfriend and his children. MH was angry and expressed it, because she didn't like it she dragged me into it and said I was behind the whole thing. I'm always the scapegoat and to be honest I'm at the end of my rope. MH received a text from the older sister saying our party was lovely but thought he would want to know that her daughter got sick and had been home 2 days from school and definitely got it from our house. We all had the flu the week before - I checked with the pedi about the party and he said should be fine - most of it was outside. She called everyone in the family and a few others came down with it too. I even had the house cleaned and her response was "things happen and to take care" MH parents are extremely passive and his sisters can say anything and they look the other way but if it's really obvious they take their side. In the four years we've been married we are expected to be at all the holidays and if we miss one we are guilt tripped by the siblings that their parents are older, won't be around forever and we need to be there. His siblings miss holidays and it's no big deal.

Sorry this is soo long and clearly this has been building. Any advice you ladies can give me would be greatly appreciated - at this point I
have no idea what to do.

TJ1979

I'm sorry, that sounds rough.  Granted I don't have a sister of my own, but I wouldn't blame it on sister dynamic.  I would just say they are crazy b's.  I'm sorry you have to deal with all that.  Honestly, YH ought to say something.  But it sounds to me like it's always been this way (before you were around) so I doubt things will ever change.
I'm typically the kind to just ignore the drama.  If they send ugly texts or voicemails, just ignore it.  Don't respond, don't feed their drama.  And of course I don't answer the phone.  I'm super passive and non-confrontational though.
GL.  I hope they grow up some day. 

kmc84

Ditto

I have some big IL issues. With DH's one sister, we have agreed that if we never see her again, that's fine. His other sister we get along with fine.

We have decided that playing into the drama is not worth the time, energy, or emotion. We have people in our lives who love and respect us, and that is who is important. It does hurt that holidays will never be the same, but it's their loss

mcgeeva

Wow aren't they a miserable bunch! It sounds like no matter what you ever do they will look to find anything wrong with what you all do. I agree with others. Best to not even respond or let DH tell them how he feels and just limit the time you spend with them. Do what works best for your family and if it's avoiding toxic situations then do that. I have a misssssssssssserable SIL and InLaws so I feel ya!

BabyKsMommy

One of my own sisters is like this, drama, drama, drama. I haven't talked to her for over 2 yrs because of that. She lives out of state and that has made things a lot easier. I just had to cut it out of my life, she's toxic.

I know that May be hard to do with all of your SILs but maybe limit contact if you can. I'm sorry you have to deal with people like that too.

Eve_Angelique

Sounds like that older sister needs to get her undies out of a bunch. How dare she say you have ever been stealing her thunder. Sounds like her hay day was long ago and she can't stand not being in the spotlight. Sorry you have to deal with ILs like that. I agree with pp that playing into the drama is not a good idea. They sound like they aren't going to change at this point and I wouldn't waste energy trying to get along.

Jenny935

I don't think it's all sisters - I think it's just crazytown! So sorry you're dealing with all of it.

Mayzie15

Thank you for all your responses. I feel like it's always the three of them against me. With the holidays coming up MH and I will have to figure out how we will handle it. I agree with you ladies that I can't feed into the drama and really need to walk away from it for the time being. I'm really happy that the holidays are a few months away to get a game plan in place. Thank you for sharing that not all sisters are like this - I can't imagine!

TJ1979

Yes @Ducky719.  I love it.

Also, I just wanted to share that we have an alternating holiday schedule.  We do my family for Thanksgiving and his for Christmas one year, then we switch and do his family for Thanksgiving and mine for Christmas.  We started this when E was born, because it just isn't feasible to try to pack everyone and everything up and try to hit both families, 6 hours apart, each holiday.  It's too much.  So we set out our schedule, told all the families this is what it is, take it or leave it.  It has worked out pretty well with minimal hurt feelings.

mdiblasi10

I am sorry you have to deal with this. I also agree about ignoring as much as you can, and love Ducky's ideas too Good luck with working out the holidays - it's not fair for you to be miserable during such a happy, family-orientated time, so I hope you can avoid them if possible.

Julie21613

I agree.. I don't think its all sisters.... I have 2 and they are my best friends.....but, I also have friends who have sisters that they barely speak to and when they do its usually not very nice!  The older sisters really sounds like a piece of work... seriously?  stealing her thunder?  puhleeeasse!  

Deep breaths.........