DH venting

stefuge

So I don't get guys. I know they grieve differently, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I feel like if I hadn't asked MH to take Thursday off work because of Colton's birthday, he wouldn't have even realized! It's been a full year, and he acts no different, like this week isn't the week that changed our lives. He's so distracted and excited this week with this new hobby he's started, and I feel like I'm barely dragging through the week. And not only that I'm so down and he seems fine, but he doesn't even seem to realize how sad I am. Ugh. I know he grieves, I know he's sad, I just feel like if anyone should know how hard this week is, it would be him, and nothing.

Not really sure the point of this, just I'm sad and annoyed at MH and can't believe it has already been a year and I needed to vent to someone who would understand.

Thursday my baby would have been a year old. I miss him.

Mel&John2013

I'm sorry, that is frustrating. I don't understand guys. I know they grieve differently and all, but it sure would make things a lot easier if they didn't.

lexusolsen

I'm so sorry. This sounds really tough. Do you think he threw himself into his new hobby this week to distract himself? Maybe he isn't sure what is the "right" way to grieve and act this week more than ever?

ikrystal

**ticker warning**

I'm so sorry.  If I were in the same position, I would be upset too.  Men do grieve differently and unfortunately women seem to grieve longer and harder, but that seems to be because we had a deeper bond with our babies in pregnancy.  I'll be thinking of you and Colton Thursday. 

diamante1181

I'm so sorry. Idk what men are thinking sometimes. I think they tend to bury their feelings deep, and when you approach them too directly it blows up. I hope it gets better. 

Bgirma

I'm so sorry @stefuge‌. I think most of us have been there with our partners- it's so hard. I'll be thinking of you and Colton.

bunnybun4

I am so sorry...I can totally relate.  If I didn't celebrate and remember Bunny's big days then no one would in our house.  It took us going to therapy together for me to realize that he is grieving...it is just in a different way...and he doesn't "need' to do the types of things I do in my grieving to make it better for him...

it doesn't make it any easier though...esp. when the one you went thru it with doesn't feel or act the same as you...sometimes it just makes me feel so alone.

big ((hugs))

msunshine123

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I've learned from our support group that many times guys take on hobbies and become invested in activities where they can fix and do things because they were not able to fix what happened and it is their way of feeling a little bit in control and able to fix something. I'll be thinking of you and your sweet Colton tomorrow - hugs:)

mmsweeney1

**siggy **

Thinking of you this week! I know the "I miss him" feeling all too well. It's so sad!

CherryPicked

Praying for you this week.

luckyclover0922

T&P are with you this week....

I know exactly how you are feeling as I felt the same way with my husband intermittently as well. I think part of it comes with them trying to be our protector and "being the man" by not showing their feelings. They see how much it has devastated us and how much it has taken to even be able to pull ourselves back together that they want to show us the "positive" side of things. I know my husband grieves but it is in such a different way than me. Its hard ((Hugs)).

jonahsma

 I have the same prob with Dh he doesn't talk about our baby at all unless I bring her up, even then he holds back. I wish he would show it and talk to me about our baby because she was real. it's so hard when they don't acknowledge anything that has to do with our babies.((hugs))

Noethola

((hugs))

forevermyfenix

I as well as many ladies on here completely understand where you're coming from. I haven't gotten to a year yet, but as each week and month passes and the due date passed, it just wasn't significant. My DH explained it to me this way "everyday is hard - why does a certain date have to be harder - nothing changed and nothing can make it better." 

But still, there's something about those milestone dates...

stefuge

Thank you all for all of the encouragement. MH took yesterday off for Colton's birthday and we had a good, relaxed day. He had planned to go to work today, but after a rough night last night and an emotional morning this morning, he took today off too just to be around. He's a good guy. I agree that the new hobby is very likely something to help him cope as well. He has a hard time not being able to "fix" things and my grief is hard for him cause he can't fix it.

lexusolsen

I'm glad you guys were able to spend the day together. He is lucky to have such an understanding wife.

Mel&John2013

I'm so glad he took the extra day to spend with you. It was a rough week for both of you and it makes me happy that you were able to come together at the end.