Hi! How are you?

PinkCamino

I've been thinking about the board a lot lately. Thinking about what happens after you've been here for 3, 6, 9, 12 or 24 months. Some of the members who have been around for quite some time or those who recently introed seem to lurk behind the scenes offering support and not always letting the community know how they are doing. I worry about you ladies - all of you. I know I haven't been around consistently and now that my schedule has normalized a little I really hope to get back to offering as much support as I can. But for now because I know I must have missed important updates, important life events and whatnot I'd like to know what's going on with you!

So, I want to know, how are you doing?

ETA: I think there was a frenzy of ladies changing their screen names right? I recognize some avatars but can't really piece the old screen name and the new one together. If you're one of those please let me know!

I saw this today and it really resonated with me and I wanted to share.




So much love for you ladies. (((hugs)))

mara005

Tomorrow is my EDD for my ectopic baby, today is hard. I've been here for almost 18 months and feel Iike I'm not a part of it anymore, like I'm somewhere else in my ttc life.

mara005

Also, thanks for asking, how are you?

Menrandes

Thanks for asking!
It's actually been a tough week.  First time I was pregnant I found out a year ago yesterday and was put on bed rest a week later until it was over.  After 3 years of trying it was like a miracle.  I'm losing hope that it will ever happen again. And I'm just so tired of trying. I knew the edd would be hard and it was and I am positive the loss date will be hard, but I wasn't counting on this being hard too.
I wish I had joined this board earlier.  I don't talk about the loss much, mostly because of people not understanding.  I've gotten the "at least" so many times, so that resonated with me as well.

How are you doing?

@mara005 Nothing to say other than *hugs*

PinkCamino

ktlovess said:

Hi PC! Today is my 1 year loss anniversary, and it's crazy how fast time goes by. We sold our condo, have a rental lined, up, my thesis is in, and I defend my PhD on September 15.

I wanted to tell you how sorry I am about your recent loss. I missed your update, and I feel bad about is, so I'm sorry. It's good to see you back and hope everything is going well on your end.

Edited for clarity.

So many ((((hugs)))) today.

You seem to be keeping busy with all the stuff going on right now! FX for your thesis. What does a thesis defense look like?

PinkCamino

jj32 said:

Hi PC!!! Glad to hear from you, I have been wondering how you have been doing.

Not much to report. Just got back from a mini vaca and trying to catch up on work. One of my co-workers is quitting so a lot of her duties will fall on me so things are getting crazy.

Where did you go on vaca?

PinkCamino

mara005 said:

Tomorrow is my EDD for my ectopic baby, today is hard. I've been here for almost 18 months and feel Iike I'm not a part of it anymore, like I'm somewhere else in my ttc life.

I think this is exactly what motivated this post for me. I'm here but don't always feel like I fit here anymore. So many ((hugs)) for your upcoming EDD.

PinkCamino

Menrandes said:

Thanks for asking!
It's actually been a tough week.  First time I was pregnant I found out a year ago yesterday and was put on bed rest a week later until it was over.  After 3 years of trying it was like a miracle.  I'm losing hope that it will ever happen again. And I'm just so tired of trying. I knew the edd would be hard and it was and I am positive the loss date will be hard, but I wasn't counting on this being hard too.
I wish I had joined this board earlier.  I don't talk about the loss much, mostly because of people not understanding.  I've gotten the "at least" so many times, so that resonated with me as well.

How are you doing?

@mara005 Nothing to say other than *hugs*

((hugs)) to you. The anticipation for me is always the worst. FX the day will be kind to you.

The "at least" kills me. every time.

PinkCamino

sarcaztic10 said:

I feel a lot like @mara005 I have been here for over a year now and I am feeling a disconnect from the board like I am somewhere else in my TTC journey and am no longer the optimistic TTCALer I once was.

This is my first month off the bench and we started Clomid and at my monitoring appt I had one 28mm, one 18mm, and two 11mm follies. The RE seemed to think that I would O that day if not the next but I did not end up Oing for another 3 days so I wonder if the 18mm follie caught up to the bigger one. I am 3 DPO now and taking my 300 mg of progesterone 3x a day. 

I am so gald that you are going to be posting more often. We have missed you 

So many ((hugs)))

I don't really know much about mm size and stuff but wanted to sending you some positive juju. FX for you!

MyFirstRaspberry

PC!! Hi!!  I've been thinking about you recently. How are you? Fill us in on you! I've missed you.

ETA:  I took your advice and asked my doctor about scar tissue. Short story: I had a Hysteroscopy last week to remove a very small amount of scar tissue. So thank you!

PinkCamino

ashtog said:

Hi PC how are you?? I have been thinking about you a lot lately. {{hugs}}

Things have been getting a little harder again.. A year ago today I got a bfp for my pregnancy with Sawyer. Today sucks. as things are starting to turn to fall, I am constantly reminded of what I was doing this time last year.. booking dr apts, buying maternity clothes.. it just all sucks.

@ktlovess {{hugs again}}
@mara005 {{big squishy hugs}}
@menrandes {{hugs}} I'm so sorry you are feeling so disheartened hun

((((hugs)))) I hate that we live through so many shitty milestones. Take care of yourself.

Rocks526

Hi PC!  How are you?  I don't post much, but have been here since December 2013. In the beginning of August I moved over to PGAL, but I came back a week later.  Once AF shows, I will be off the bench. DH and I have been busy since we moved in June.  We chose a house that needs a lot of work, but it will be worth it in the end.

PinkCamino

MyFirstRaspberry said:

PC!! Hi!!  I've been thinking about you recently. How are you? Fill us in on you! I've missed you.

ETA:  I took your advice and asked my doctor about scar tissue. Short story: I had a Hysteroscopy last week to remove a very small amount of scar tissue. So thank you!

Awwwww yay! Not yay for the scar tissue but yay that you got the hysteroscopy and had it removed. ((hugs)) did you have to do the hormone therapy afterwards too?

PinkCamino

Rocks526 said:

Hi PC!  How are you?  I don't post much, but have been here since December 2013. In the beginning of August I moved over to PGAL, but I came back a week later.  Once AF shows, I will be off the bench. DH and I have been busy since we moved in June.  We chose a house that needs a lot of work, but it will be worth it in the end.

Upgrading a house can be so much fun!!! Burn that bench! BRING ON AF!!!

BookishMomma

Oh, @ashtog I'm so sorry. Thinking of you and Sawyer. Big hugs to you, honey.

PC, thanks for posting this. I'm doing OK. One thing I'm really frustrated with at the moment is the advance planning that TTC requires. I'm an author and I'm starting to get requests for book events and literary festivals next spring and summer. For any of them that require travel, I hate that my mind goes immediately to... "well, maybe I'll be KU." I know I have to live my life and can't constantly be planning around a future pregnancy, but it factors in when I know I'll be starting IUI next month once we're off the bench. And then I worry that I'm just setting myself up for being both disappointed AND missing out on opportunities. 

MyFirstRaspberry

PinkCamino said:

MyFirstRaspberry said:

PC!! Hi!!  I've been thinking about you recently. How are you? Fill us in on you! I've missed you.

ETA:  I took your advice and asked my doctor about scar tissue. Short story: I had a Hysteroscopy last week to remove a very small amount of scar tissue. So thank you!

Awwwww yay! Not yay for the scar tissue but yay that you got the hysteroscopy and had it removed. ((hugs)) did you have to do the hormone therapy afterwards too?

Nope!  The amount of tissue was so minor that I have been cleared to start TTC after AF arrives - Which I control because I am on BCP. We will be doing a Femara + IUI cycle.

PinkCamino

BookishMomma said:

Oh, @ashtog I'm so sorry. Thinking of you and Sawyer. Big hugs to you, honey.

PC, thanks for posting this. I'm doing OK. One thing I'm really frustrated with at the moment is the advance planning that TTC requires. I'm an author and I'm starting to get requests for book events and literary festivals next spring and summer. For any of them that require travel, I hate that my mind goes immediately to... "well, maybe I'll be KU." I know I have to live my life and can't constantly be planning around a future pregnancy, but it factors in when I know I'll be starting IUI next month once we're off the bench. And then I worry that I'm just setting myself up for being both disappointed AND missing out on opportunities. 

I can totally relate to this. When I decided to go back to school earlier this summer I was really battling with these issues. Basically, I decided I need to keep living my life and deal with whatever needs dealing with when it happens. Life happens ya know? if a year from now you need to pull out of a show or commitment because you're KU then you'll do what you have to do. But, holding back and planning based on a pregnancy isn't good for you emotionally love.

BookishMomma

MyFirstRaspberry said:

Nope!  The amount of tissue was so minor that I have been cleared to start TTC after AF arrives - Which I control because I am on BCP. We will be doing a Femara + IUI cycle. 

I love this update so much, Raz!

PinkCamino

MyFirstRaspberry said:

PinkCamino said:

MyFirstRaspberry said:

PC!! Hi!!  I've been thinking about you recently. How are you? Fill us in on you! I've missed you.

ETA:  I took your advice and asked my doctor about scar tissue. Short story: I had a Hysteroscopy last week to remove a very small amount of scar tissue. So thank you!

Awwwww yay! Not yay for the scar tissue but yay that you got the hysteroscopy and had it removed. ((hugs)) did you have to do the hormone therapy afterwards too?

Nope!  The amount of tissue was so minor that I have been cleared to start TTC after AF arrives - Which I control because I am on BCP. We will be doing a Femara + IUI cycle.

Oh good! Glad you got it done though scar tissue doesn't belong in there ya know!

FX for you this cycle!

BookishMomma

PinkCamino said: Life happens ya know? if a year from now you need to pull out of a show or commitment because you're KU then you'll do what you have to do. But, holding back and planning based on a pregnancy isn't good for you emotionally love.

I know you're right about this. I keep telling myself that if I end up with a conflict because of being KU, then it will be a good problem to have an I'll deal with it as needed.

Rachaeleigh

PinkCamino said:

mara005 said:

Tomorrow is my EDD for my ectopic baby, today is hard. I've been here for almost 18 months and feel Iike I'm not a part of it anymore, like I'm somewhere else in my ttc life.

I think this is exactly what motivated this post for me. I'm here but don't always feel like I fit here anymore. So many ((hugs)) for your upcoming EDD.



This is me too
Hi @PinkCamino‌, good to hear from you

Our 3rd IUI was unsuccessful, we're going to meet with RE next week.
Most days I'm ok but other days I'm left figuring out how I went from getting pregnant but miscarrying, to not getting pregnant at all

Ugh

MrsKush1014

Thanks for checking in @PinkCamino!  I've been MIA recently due to my current workload and travel schedule for work.  It makes TTC a real bitch.  (@BookishMomma {{hugs}} I know what you mean)  It seems that I am always traveling or super stressed out/working odd hours during my FW.  DH doesn't seem to understand FW whatsoever because any time we HIO he thinks we could possibly get a BFP.  

Lots of {{hugs}} to all!

PinkCamino

Rachaeleigh said:

mara005 said:

Tomorrow is my EDD for my ectopic baby, today is hard. I've been here for almost 18 months and feel Iike I'm not a part of it anymore, like I'm somewhere else in my ttc life.

I think this is exactly what motivated this post for me. I'm here but don't always feel like I fit here anymore. So many ((hugs)) for your upcoming EDD.

This is me too Hi @PinkCamino‌, good to hear from you Our 3rd IUI was unsuccessful, we're going to meet with RE next week. Most days I'm ok but other days I'm left figuring out how I went from getting pregnant but miscarrying, to not getting pregnant at all Ugh

So many (((hugs)) is this a new RE or the same one?

PinkCamino

MrsKush1014 said:

Thanks for checking in @PinkCamino!  I've been MIA recently due to my current workload and travel schedule for work.  It makes TTC a real bitch.  (@BookishMomma {{hugs}} I know what you mean)  It seems that I am always traveling or super stressed out/working odd hours during my FW.  DH doesn't seem to understand FW whatsoever because any time we HIO he thinks we could possibly get a BFP.  

Lots of {{hugs}} to all!

I can't even imagine. Our work schedules are pretty consistent and we find it hard enough to get in enough BDing. TTCAL is just fucking exhausting.

PinkCamino

ashtog said:

PinkCamino said:

ashtog said:

Hi PC how are you?? I have been thinking about you a lot lately. {{hugs}}

Things have been getting a little harder again.. A year ago today I got a bfp for my pregnancy with Sawyer. Today sucks. as things are starting to turn to fall, I am constantly reminded of what I was doing this time last year.. booking dr apts, buying maternity clothes.. it just all sucks.

@ktlovess {{hugs again}}
@mara005 {{big squishy hugs}}
@menrandes {{hugs}} I'm so sorry you are feeling so disheartened hun

((((hugs)))) I hate that we live through so many shitty milestones. Take care of yourself.

{{{hugs}}} right back to you! yes the milestones are so shitty. and I find that noone irl really gets it. my mom wanted to do something sept 1st and I said no,she didn't get why, so I explained : because the 1st of every month is hard for me, because sept 1st sawyer would be 4 mos old. and she was like well you can't take a day off from life every month to be sad. and I was like "umm, yeah I think I can." and it's only been 4 mos!

how are you doing?? what is going on with you now PC?

Yeah people just don't get it - they never will. My mother is my best friend but when it comes to my losses she's said some of the most horrific things. It's gotten better but around the 6 month mark she told me she was tired of seeing me sad and that I had to move on. I told her she was being selfish and that seeing me happy was for her own happiness and not my well being. She then backed off and has been pretty good about it since. Often she'll tell me she can never truly understand which in my opinion is better than some bullshit about "getting over it" or "time will make it better".

I'm doing okay. I'm off for 2 weeks and head back to school full time next week. Apart from that I've got nothing.

PinkCamino

momentomori said:

Hi PC!  Thanks for asking about us.  ((hugs)) to you, been thinking about you too.

I used to be catemitty, by the way.

I am entering my 24th month of being off BCP and my 10th month since my first loss/joining you ladies.  I have decided to do a NTNP cycle for my sanity and am looking forward to not temping (talk to me in about two weeks when I am going crazy!)  Things are getting more frustrating on the TTC front, and I go in waves of participating here and sitting back and observing.  Some days just suck.  

I hope that school is going well for you!!!

So many ((hugs)) Have you seen your RE or OB lately?

buggirl72

(((Hugs))), my love. I'm glad to see you active on the board again.

What's new with me? I am now on my 8th day in a row with no spotting or bleeding, which, not including the 10 days on provera, is the longest I've gone since June 9th without bleeding. I'm cautiously optimistic but totally expect to have bleeding start back up any day now.

My doctor is being proactive about all of the bleeding. He did an u/s that found my uterus that was clear are year ago no longer is. I have fibroids and an ovarian cyst that was suspicious enough to garner cancer marker blood work. That all came back negative and now I wait for my repeat u/s in October to see what the cyst is doing.

Mr. Bug finally went in for his first ever adult check-up. Five of his labs came back out of range and the doctor called him on Saturday with the results. He's freaked out and very nervous for the u/s he has on Thursday. I feel guilty in that I spent a week being wrapped and terrified about what my blood work might be and zero concern about what his could be - because he came back from the doc saying the doc said he was healthy.

Call it superstitious Catholic guilt

Two years is approaching. Pink, how did so much time go by already?

PinkCamino

buggirl72 said:

(((Hugs))), my love. I'm glad to see you active on the board again. What's new with me? I am now on my 8th day in a row with no spotting or bleeding, which, not including the 10 days on provera, is the longest I've gone since June 9th without bleeding. I'm cautiously optimistic but totally expect to have bleeding start back up any day now. My doctor is being proactive about all of the bleeding. He did an u/s that found my uterus that was clear are year ago no longer is. I have fibroids and an ovarian cyst that was suspicious enough to garner cancer marker blood work. That all came back negative and now I wait for my repeat u/s in October to see what the cyst is doing. Mr. Bug finally went in for his first ever adult check-up. Five of his labs came back out of range and the doctor called him on Saturday with the results. He's freaked out and very nervous for the u/s he has on Thursday. I feel guilty in that I spent a week being wrapped and terrified about what my blood work might be and zero concern about what his could be - because he came back from the doc saying the doc said he was healthy. Call it superstitious Catholic guilt Two years is approaching. Pink, how did so much time go by already?

So many hugs. I read your update on 6+ and I shed happy tears! So glad that there were no bad cells. FX the rest of your bloods and u/s coming up are clear too!

As for your DH, FB okay? Dh had a similar result on the liver stuff. I can talk to you a little about what tests he had and what results they found.

And 2 years. I have no fucking idea. I wake up most days not even realizing how long we've been here and then when I'm reminded I feel like the floor just falls from under me. I just can't believe it'll be 24 fucking months for both of us.

tlc35

Hi, PC it is nice to see you back on the board.

Big hugs on the crappy milestone @ashtog
@Bookishmama I feel the same way about future stuff.  I am working independent contractor and have a job lined up that is not what I want to do but it is convenient and shouldn't interfere much with TTC or IF treatments if necessary.  I felt I had to turn down an opportunity which is more what I want to do but I just have to make TTC my priority given my age.

AFM this cycle is looking like a bust and next cycle is our last try before seeing a RE.  That is pretty bittersweet since if we need help to get KU I want to do it, but sad that we can't just let it happen.  This was my last trip so far away for work so I am really excited about that.  It has been really hard on me emotionally being away in a hotel 1/2 the time (2 wks on 2 wks off).  My youngest sister came into town a few weeks ago and we had a fun girls day so that was a nice distraction.

Hugs to everyone else as well.

Rocks526

PinkCamino said:

Rocks526 said:

Hi PC!  How are you?  I don't post much, but have been here since December 2013. In the beginning of August I moved over to PGAL, but I came back a week later.  Once AF shows, I will be off the bench. DH and I have been busy since we moved in June.  We chose a house that needs a lot of work, but it will be worth it in the end.

Upgrading a house can be so much fun!!! Burn that bench! BRING ON AF!!!

Upgrading is a lot of fun, although I wish I could it all at once.  There is so much we want to do, but we don't have the money for everything we want.  We will get everything upgraded eventually.

rslh10

Hi Pink,

I'm going on my 4th month on the board. A lot of the same stuff has been happening on our end. I did seek out a second opinion on weather or not my OB was doing all that she could for me personally. I found out that my RE said he would be doing exactly what the OB was doing, and that frankly, he thought that she was over treating me (WTF?). So this round is still currently being done with my OB. I am clomid cd3-7, and I actually got a positive OPK CD 11, so at my follie scan my OB said she could tell I was surging, and to not trigger as it would cause more follies to grow to Ovulation size. 

So were just BD'ing like crazy, and hoping for good timing this cycle. My OPK's are negative (yesterday and today) so here's hoping I O today, or tomorrow. 

I'm glad to see you'll be around more

ellebelle2384

Hi PC!  Been thinking of you, good to see you back on here.  And great idea to do a check-in.  Hugs to all those who need them, especially with all these tough dates coming up for so many of our ladies.

I'm doing okay.  Focusing on half-marathon training while we are benched.  It's been such a good outlet for me and if you told me a year ago I could comfortably run 4 miles I would have laughed out loud.  We're also trying to figure out budget stuff to help with the costs insurance won't cover for potential IVF next year.  It's amazing how much planning everything takes.  

alleycat39

PC! You've been missed! I love that you have checked in and am so proud that you have decided to start back at school. Please keep us posted!

AFM- I just realized today marks the 2 year point since I have been off BCP and November will be 2 years since joining TTCAL. I've left a few times, but always seem to find my way back here. Monday is the EDD for my 2nd loss. I'm becoming used to the fact that every few weeks will be some type of milestone or important date- just comes with the territory of TTCAL after 3 losses unfortunately.

On a more positive note, I started a new job in July and love it! I had gone back for my M.S. in Occupational Therapy and now provide services to kids ages 3-5. It keeps me really busy and that distraction is very welcomed. We are doing a Letrozole/TI right now and am 2DPO. I'm remaining very calm as of now because what happens next is out of my control.

@mara005 - So many hugs love. Possible that I give you an in person one at a GTG soon??

@rlsh10 - FX for a OPK+ ASAP- I know how awful that "waiting to O" can be

@Rocks526 - Post pics of the update!

@ktlovess - I'm in AW of the dedication you have to this PhD!

@buggirl72 - No bleeding is awesome! Crazy how the small things can be so exciting

@HoldingOutHope - Hope time really flies with all you have going on!

@wickedsugar- Always good to see your name pop up! Hope you had a good rest of the work day

@tlc35 - Stinks how TTC dictates our work lives

@momentomori - FX that you end up not needing that RE referral!

@jj32 - Lucky duck with vacation! Hope it was awesome

@menrandes - The "at least" totally sucks. Sometimes I just call people out on it

@sarcaztic10 - Looks like we are CBs as I am 2DPO. FX!

@ashtog - Thinking of you and precious Sawyer. Seasonal and date triggers stink

@BookishMomma - The planning is the worst- it affects your whole life. Hate how we are robbed of the innocence

@MyFirstRaspberry - So excited that you can move forward with a cycle ASAP- FX!

@rachaeleigh - I'm so frustrated for you. Just so unfair.

@MrsKush1014 - I hope travel slows down so HIO can pick up!

MrsKush1014

@ashtog @PinkCamino‌ @jj32‌ ((hugs)) My mom has said similar things to me, that I need to get over it and move on. I think I can handle most insensitive comments from most people, but not from my mom. She's who I turn to to make me feel better, not worse. :-(

MSU_Girl1202

Hi PC!
I'm so glad to see your here. I was thinking about you and wondering where you've been.
I'm going on almost half a year here and am already starting to feel a little distanced. I know that I have zero right to talk since I know some of you ladies have been here much longer than I have and have so much more right to feel that way, but I just feel hard to relate to some of the ladies that are just coming here and are optimistic about ovulating immediately after MC and getting their rainbow.
I don't know, maybe I'm just getting jaded and bitter by my recent series of events ( my complete failure on fertility meds and then having to convert to IVF only to be sent into severe OHSS and go through complete agony with the taps).
Anyways, i'm just hanging out on BCPs, waiting for my FET. Life-related, just working my butt off at my new job, hoping somehow it'll get MH to move down to the new place faster. It's been super rough living 5 hours away from him, but does make the weekends that much sweeter.

PinkCamino

PetraStonegirl said:

Hey, sweet. Miss you. My life kinda sucks right now. We had to move ahead with medically managed m/c, only to go through all of that and have it be a failure. This morning's u/s shows retained tissue that still has blood flow. I just can't. All the docs are consulting about what to do next. Still can't do a D&C, because if the Asherman's. maybe an operative hysteroscopy?

FUCK I'm so sorry.

This is one of my fears too. I spoke to my doctor about it and he suggested an operative hysteroscopy if cytotec failed. I imagine that would probably be your best next step. Keep me posted okay?

PinkCamino

HoldingOutHope said:

Hi, PC. I've been thinking about you and missing you bunches, lady.

I'm overwhelmed. We're moving cross-country next month and I am starting my first medicated cycle right now. It's all good stuff, but scary at the same time. I feel bad that I haven't been around these parts lately as much as I normally am. I completely understand the concept of needing your schedule to normalize.

(((Hugs))) to you and all the lovely TTCAL ladies.

FX for a smooth move!

PinkCamino

wickedsugar said:

Hi love ! I'm just popping in, today has been Hella busy , and I still have a meeting to go to, so done with today..

You are one busy lady! We should schedule a chat to catch up!

PinkCamino

So so many hugs for everyone.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUG PILE )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

jms627

@pinkcamino - Thank you for checking in! 

mara005Menrandesktlovess - Huge hugs to you (((HUGS)))

Km380

Hi PC! So sweet of you to check in on everyone! What are you in school for? Sorry if I missed it.
I've been here for 4 months now I think. Ttc for 1.5yrs. I know relatively speaking that's not long but as we all know it's exhausting. Like others have said I have trouble planning ahead, I've definitely put work 2nd to ttc. At this point I sort of don't care. Last month the RE told us he wants us to do more than try on our own so I just did my first IUI last week. The optimism took a hit with the RE changing plans. But I'm on board given my recent colpo, follow up in 6 months and turning 35 shortly after that.

Big Hugs to all the ladies facing milestones