People who think they know better...

PaulandPregnantChelsea

So, I'm a second year med student, FTM, due on Thursday.

A girl in my class came up tot talk to me today about my birth plan.  I told her I wanted to have a water birth with no pain meds.  She was utterly and completely shocked.

"Why?! Why would you want to do it without meds?!"  

Hmm... maybe because it's not a medical condition that needs to be treated with medication.  

Maybe because it doesn't make a ton of sense to go 9 months without taking ibuprofen, drinking caffeine, or standing near the microwave, but then when you're in labor, all bets are off and it's totes cool to shoot up some drugs...

If I wouldn't give it to him when he's outside, why would I give it to him when he's inside?  Her response: "Well, he's like all done developing now so it doesn't even matter."

She's going to be a doctor, guys. Keep that in mind next time you think yours is a fool cuz some of them defffffinitely started out that way.

(also, since I'm a FTM, I have no idea if I'll be able to handle the pain - but I want to. and I mean no shame AT ALL on any women who ended up using some pain interventions - but we have to at least try, right?)

sschwege

I support women having the birth experience they want.  You write 'no shame' to women who end up using pain meds, but in the same sentence 'but we have to at least try'.  Why?  

PaulandPregnantChelsea

Figured I was at least in the company of women who felt they had to try... Natural Birth board and what not. 

Sorry to offend you.

sschwege

PaulandPregnantChelsea said:

Figured I was at least in the company of women who felt they had to try... Natural Birth board and what not. 

Sorry to offend you.

I'll be honest, I was somewhat bothered by your post, which is why I felt the need to comment.  Perhaps you didn't mean it this way, but the way I read this post it just comes off judgmental. 

You said, 

"Maybe because it doesn't make a ton of sense to go 9 months without taking ibuprofen, drinking caffeine, or standing near the microwave, but then when you're in labor, all bets are off and it's totes cool to shoot up some drugs..."

I drank a cup of coffee almost every day when I was pregnant, took Tyl if I needed it, even indulged in sushi and on one occasion had half a glass of red wine in the third tri.  Is that something I should feel bad about?    

As I said earlier I support women having the birth they want, whatever that looks like to them.  This is the Natural Birth board, however there are some women on here who are FTMs who might not have the experience they hoped for and STMs where things did not go the way they hoped.  I've seen too many women write about how they 'caved' and got an epi, how they did not fight hard enough, how do you think that would feel to someone in that situation who is reading something that says: 

"If I wouldn't give it to him when he's outside, why would I give it to him when he's inside?"

PaulandPregnantChelsea

sschwege

Again, I really didn't mean to offend you or anyone who ended up using pain meds. I guess I was going more for dramatic effect and I should have chosen my words more carefully, but the point of the post was to show how ignorant future doctors are about natural birth.  The fellow med student offended me, so that's what brought on my colorful caffeine/microwave retort.  (I've definitely spent some microwave time with my beloved hot pockets).  

Perhaps I came off judgmental, but it was only because I had felt judged.  The look of disgust on her face when I told her my plan was shocking.  I expected support or kind words.  My med school is about as granola as they come, and still, we really aren't taught natural childbirth is an option.  

I'm assuming most of us want to pursue a natural childbirth because we don't want to expose our babes to the medications.  Like I said, I may end up with pain meds as I have no freaking clue how intense the pain will be, but the point is that medication is not my first choice for my birth and it's upsetting how this future doc acted when hearing that.

PaulandPregnantChelsea

hmctagg01

Those are my exact sentiments - thank you for stating them in a non-offensive way!  

Unfortunately, I think it was her "professional medical opinion" - not an opinion as a woman.  She stated that he was all done developing, so it was okay to throw meds at him... But last time I checked, a newborn isn't a fully developed human being.  They've still got a lot of developing to do!

As a FTM, it's difficult to not sound silly when you're wanting a natural birth because we really don't know what we'll be in for.  But, all we can do is try!  And if we can't do it this time, maybe we'll find the strength with the next one!

sschwege

PaulandPregnantChelsea said:

sschwege

Again, I really didn't mean to offend you or anyone who ended up using pain meds. I guess I was going more for dramatic effect and I should have chosen my words more carefully, but the point of the post was to show how ignorant future doctors are about natural birth.  The fellow med student offended me, so that's what brought on my colorful caffeine/microwave retort.  (I've definitely spent some microwave time with my beloved hot pockets).  

Perhaps I came off judgmental, but it was only because I had felt judged.  The look of disgust on her face when I told her my plan was shocking.  I expected support or kind words.  My med school is about as granola as they come, and still, we really aren't taught natural childbirth is an option.  

I'm assuming most of us want to pursue a natural childbirth because we don't want to expose our babes to the medications.  Like I said, I may end up with pain meds as I have no freaking clue how intense the pain will be, but the point is that medication is not my first choice for my birth and it's upsetting how this future doc acted when hearing that.

That is what is missing from these boards is the tone of the conversation, it's so easy for things to be misinterpreted.  You clarified yourself and we can all relate to how it feels to be judged by those around us for our choices as you felt judged by the fellow med-student.

As to you being a FTM or heck even a STM+ you're right you have no freaking clue, none of us do.  But who knows, it might not be what you are expecting in a good way!  I really didn't think L and D was that bad, heck DS was almost born at home because of it.  So you never know, maybe you will be surprised in a good way!

MsMacual

Let's hope that your classmate does not become an OB/GYN!  You are right- giving birth isn't a medical condition that requires a lot of medical intervention in most cases.  I think it is awesome that you challenged your classmate and perhaps you'll have the opportunity to suggest that she also read some of the great birthing books from the midwife community- Ina May Gaskin's book does an excellent job in the second section of outlining the midwifery approach vs a medical approach.  She doesn't have to include it in her method of care, but at least it would be an opportunity for her to educate herself about why some women choose to trust their bodies vs immediately turn to medical intervention during pregnancy and birth. 

RobynB13

PaulandPregnantChelsea said:

So, I'm a second year med student, FTM, due on Thursday.

A girl in my class came up tot talk to me today about my birth plan.  I told her I wanted to have a water birth with no pain meds.  She was utterly and completely shocked.

"Why?! Why would you want to do it without meds?!"  

Hmm... maybe because it's not a medical condition that needs to be treated with medication.  

Maybe because it doesn't make a ton of sense to go 9 months without taking ibuprofen, drinking caffeine, or standing near the microwave, but then when you're in labor, all bets are off and it's totes cool to shoot up some drugs...

If I wouldn't give it to him when he's outside, why would I give it to him when he's inside?  Her response: "Well, he's like all done developing now so it doesn't even matter."

She's going to be a doctor, guys. Keep that in mind next time you think yours is a fool cuz some of them defffffinitely started out that way.

(also, since I'm a FTM, I have no idea if I'll be able to handle the pain - but I want to. and I mean no shame AT ALL on any women who ended up using some pain interventions - but we have to at least try, right?)

In my last pregnancy, I was talking to my sister about how an appointment went (I should note she's a PhD lab-rat that lives for research, working full time- no literally, she should change her address to- in the labs at Yale) and she went off about how stupid my doctor was (for ordering yet another vein US looking for DVT, even though I don't develop clots there, and have been told by many radiologists that I have "beautiful veins"...) 

Sis holds a slight prejudice against MD's though... I guess it's like apple vs android, coke vs. pepsi, or Nikon Vs. Cannon when it comes to the end result of med school... she thinks MD's are dumb (no offense... she just had no bedside manner) but when my doctor refused to set any kind of induction date until 39 weeks (I have never made it past 37. Ever.) I fired him. I delivered two days later, it was supposed to be an induction, but my water broke when they were prepping my IV. Had I not been there, I would have had an ambulance baby because the show was over in 38 minutes. 

So my sister's blanket-opinion aside, you're right... not all are too bright!

As a funny side note... my HR-OB's name was Dr.McWeenie. Let that sink in.

(sorry I typed so much!)

jenn43

A lot of people think pain meds are the only way to go.  Especially people in medicine- which I say as another member of the establishment: I had my first baby my second year in practice as a surgeon.  The anesthesiologists at work were shocked I wanted to go med-free, which was very motivating.  Actually, the most skeptical one was on call the night I delivered, so it was rewarding to prove to them that a natural birth could be such an amazing experience.  Make the choice that is right for you and your baby... whatever that may be!

Valancyy

I had IV meds with my first and no meds with my last two births.  I had 2 reasons for wanting to go meds free.  I think the first was really just wanting to prove to myself that I could do it.  The second was that I wanted the baby to have no medication, mainly to make sure breastfeeding went as smoothly as possible.

That said, during my last birth (only 5 weeks ago, so pretty fresh in my mind), I was thinking during it that I don't blame women at all for getting an epidural.  It was PAINFUL!  I was proud of myself for getting through it, but I don't blame anyone for just not wanting to go through that if they don't have to.

Kind of like with feminism...women should have a choice.  You can stay home with your kids or work...neither is better or right, it's your choice.  I think the same with birth.  You can go med-free, or get some pain meds available, it's your choice.  You should of course be informed of any side effects or risks, but in the end, do what's right for you.

Beevol

I don't think that you get points for suffering unnecessarily - there's no honor in experiencing pain for the sake of it in my book. That being said, every pregnancy and labor is different and those differences play a huge factor in an individual woman's risk profile for any given intervention. I ended getting an epidural with DD because I'd been in labor too long and my body was tired - if I hadn't gotten that nap, I probably would have ended up with a c-section and/or an infection (or worse) but to be honest? My contractions didn't actually hurt that much - I just couldn't sleep for 3 days of them. I'm hoping this next labor doesn't last 5 days and that my body will get its act together so that I wont need the epi next time.

Some women have really comfortable/easy pregnancies and some don't, same with labor (and BF). There is a lot that can go wrong and that's why a lot of women and babies used to die (and still do) but I think, for me, my support of and interest in "natural birth" is more to the point that not every birth requires intervention and that as a natural process it's gonna be different and should be treated on a case by case basis. 

I also sincerely hope this classmate doesn't become an OBGYN - women don't need more judgmental doctors. If you become an OBGYN, I also hope that you honor your patients and their needs/desires in birth too - emotional health IS physical health, if getting an epi lets a woman emotionally do it then good for her, if knowing that she is going to suffer for something amazing lets her do it then good for her. 

Reallynervous83

I think that what winds up being said in this thread and what the original post states are very different things.  The medical student was responding to what the OP said.  The OP said "Maybe because it doesn't make a ton of sense to go 9 months without taking ibuprofen, drinking caffeine, or standing near the microwave, but then when you're in labor, all bets are off and it's totes cool to shoot up some drugs."
The medical student was basically saying taking the medicine isn't harmful to the baby (she worded it poorly, but that's the take away).  She wasn't commenting on you whether a person should go med-free or not, she was commenting on doing what's right for you own body.  SHe was looking at it in a very one dimensional viewpoint.  She was simply commenting on the language I quoted above. 
I am surprised that no one commented on OP, another medical student, making that statement.  It's shocking and certainly harmful to those who have tried and been unable to have a med-free birth.  I found the OP to be extremely judgmental of those who want/or need meds during the birthing process.  It seems to be more of the mindset of "don't judge me while I judge you."