Talking to kids about sexual abuse?

mrebecca

I intend to talk to DD, like today, about sexual abuse. When I was 9 or 10, a man flashed his penis to my sisters and I in the park. I was very confused and didn't even know how to handle it or that the situation was dangerous. My oldest sister started running and told me to also, and I didn't understand why we should run. 

I was a sheltered kid. My parents didn't talk to me about anything, and I didn't feel comfortable talking to them about things like that.

I think DD is old enough to get the basics, and I need her to be comfortable talking to me about these things.

So, what do I say?

I read that the preferred words to use are "safe/not safe touch," instead of "good/bad touch."
Has anybody had this conversation yet?

mrebecca

rvasc said:

There are some really good books to use. I like that because then it isn't some big one time talk. It's a consistently reinforced message.

I like this. Any in particular?

mrebecca

I told her that safe touch is when Mommy or Daddy or Grandma gives her a bath. or wipes her butt after she goes potty.
I said that if somebody tries to touch he and they aren't giving her a bath or wiping her butt, that she should tell (yelling) no and she should tell me or Daddy as soon as she can... or tell Grandma or Aunt S, etc...

I think that's all she can understand for now, but I feel relieved that it's at least in her mind that some things are not ok.

mrebecca

Also, she said, "...can I watch my movie now?"

RondackHiker

threelittlewheels said:

I tell my kids that only mommy, daddy or a doctor needs to see our touch their penis/vulva/butt and they have the right to say no to anyone. Nobody can touch them anywhere if they say no. They need to tell someone right away, either parents or teachers if they feel scared for any reason.

They are 3 and 4 so that is as far as I've taken the talks, but will get more in depth when they are older.

I tell DS all this regularly. I also say he never has to touch or look at anyone if he doesn't want to and that if he is scared or upset he can tell me and he will not be in trouble and I will believe him.

PrimRoseMama

Thank you for this

ppants

I talked to my kids about this type of thing while they were in the bathtub. It's a captive audience. We used the word "mixed up touch". I let them know they are the boss of their bodies. Tell a grown up if something happens. We'll believe you. If that grown up doesn't help, tell another grown up, and keep telling trusted adults until you are helped. We don't have secrets in our family. We have surprises because that is something that someone will find out or learn about. Your family won't be hurt if you tell. Like a pp said, this is too much info for a 3 yr old, but it is a ongoing conversation.

flyingsaucer

I talk to both kids about this on a regular basis. We tell them that only Mommy and Daddy can see / touch their private parts, the doctor in the doctor's office, grandma (who babysits DD several days per week) and that teachers can help them with their clothes in the bathroom (dd, not DS since he is 6). I always tell my kids that if someone else tries to see or touch your private parts then you tell them "NO" in your "strong voice" and tell Mommy/Daddy. And the same rules go for others... no one should be looking at other people's privates besides their mommy/daddy, etc. It's really an ongoing conversation.

barista411

HilarityEnsued said:

Google "tricky people are the new strangers". I really liked a lot of that info.

I have this blog bookmarked ( https://www.checklistmommy.com/2012/02/09/tricky-people-are-the-new-strangers/ ). She has great information and breaks it down into easy lists.

I had heard you should start talking to your kids when they start kindergarten. DD is 3 and just started preschool and I am going to try to start introducing the idea and bringing it up at bath time. Hopefully just to get the dialogue started.