Agreements

eg214

Just getting prepared in case MC doesnt show for court...

I know many times it is discussed about the little things to add...not around boy/girlfriends for a while, dental, insurance, etc.

My question is, what were the circumstances of your agreements and how did you include? Ive mentioned someto my attorney but I kind of feel like thethey've fallen on deaf ears. How is the boy/girlfriend thing even enforceable? What things are worth fighting over/filing an appeal over?

jellybean529

I don't think it actually is enforceable and I think having a hypothetical boyfriend or girlfriend around the kids is really low on the totem pole as far as what a judge is going to be concerned about...I'm no lawyer and I have no agreements yet so I don't have a ton of experience, but here are the super important ones I know I'll be including: who gets to claim her on taxes, first right of refusal (in case you do end up moving back to Florida), who has to carry her health insurance, how you two will make decisions about health care, religion and schooling. 

eg214

Thanks. What is right of refusal @jellybean529? I am already going for sole legal and sole custody...or whatever it is called. He isn't paying a dime out of his pocket and doesnt pay taxes so I will be fighting for complete tax write off. He has to carry her health care...so I will be fighting for that. He gets military insurance for like $12 a month until shes 18. No way could I beat that with a regular job ever. I probably will have to fight over medical payments and all that. Would be so much easier if he could just sign his rights over. Ugh.

eg214

Sole legal and sole physical*

bananafanafofashley

Glad to know there are some Florida ladies here, I am in mass right now but Florida is home and it's likely I'm moving back.

freeatlast2014

First right of refusal only has to do if they get visitation. Basically if you can't be with E, then he gets the right to refuse keeping her before you can have your mom babysit. And vice versa. Some people put a time limit, like anything over 4 hours. But if 3.5 hours you won't have to ask him. You can just have your mom watch her.

I have been told the girlfriend/boyfriend this is unenforceable.

Something else worth mentioning, which is a debate I currently have with myself, is that I plan to include a bunch of stuff but when push comes to shove I probably won't want to go through the trouble of asking for his portion unless I have to. Other things to consider:

First car, birthday parties, college, life insurance with e as the beneficiary, daycare/preschool/before and after care when in grade school, medical expenses, extracurricular activities and sports, school supplies, claims on taxes, holidays if he gets visitation (sole legal and sole custody could still allow for visitation I believe), religious school, medical, dental, and vision insurance, vacation time of he is allowed to take her, the ability to speak on the phone/FaceTime/Skype if she gets visits with him (and vice versa). Oh and I was recently told to ask about a clause that says he can't keep bringing you back to court for every little thing cause abusers use that as a tactic. Oh and garnishment a through probation. And also notifying you of where he lives and where LO is staying.

I hope I save this list for myself!!!!

jellybean529

@TheMrsCabral‌ what part of mass? I am a native Floridian but just moved back to FL from MA (Boston area) in January! I'm in the Orlando area now.

@eg214 first right of refusal is what @freeatlast2014 said. Have it in your back pocket as a consideration because most states (Florida is one) will not give sole legal and physical custody to one parent without evidence that having a relationship with both parents would be a danger to the child. To my knowledge been over state lines the best you can really hope for is full physical with visitation and joint legal (in my research since our arrangement will be across state lines as well). Just make sure you consult with your lawyer about this.

eg214

Thanks ladies. WOW. I'm not going to lie. If he never sees her, no way in hell would I call him and ask his permission to get a babysitter. That's bullshit. The plan is to wait about a year and a half, if he hasn't seen her then, to modify everything to strip him of as much as possible since he showed no interest/effort. If I am in NC, this will be much easier because they have a "sign your rights over/court takes them away" thing.

And yeah, the custody thing is what worries me the most. This ass clown has never been around so why he should have a joint say in how I raise her and what we do is bullshit...especially since not a dime comes out of his pocket. One of those things where I hope the judge sees through it, sees he's full of shit, and gives me sole everything. I know it's a long shot, my attorney has told me, but we're going for it. Especially if he doesn't show...then I get everything.