Late Term and Child Loss
Manada
member
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Vent: Bad day crazies.
Manada
member
Argh. I just need to vent, but feel free to empathize and offer hugs....
The past couple of weeks have been "bad" weeks. Lots of crying, and have been on edge enough that it doesn't take much for an okay day to spiral.... And yesterday went from a surprisingly good/hopeful day to a very bad (crying on the floor) messy day within a matter of a few minutes with the discovery of an administrative error by my employer. So yesterday was a day where I took two of the anti-anxiety meds I have, and a sleeping pill before bed.
And today my brain is just not working. To make matters absolutely worse, I had a phone meeting set up with my bosses today, and when I set up the meeting I was functional and doing well, and today I am NOT. My brain was processing slowly. I had a hard time remembering things I was going to say. I was having a rough time expressing the things I wanted to say, even though I've been thinking about them for the past 2 weeks...... It was awful. I am sure I came off terribly to my employers, I just didn't feel in control.
I guess this is what good days and bad days look like? I don't know, I just feel nuts.... I have been anticipating this meeting for weeks, and I was barely functional when it finally happened.
The past couple of weeks have been "bad" weeks. Lots of crying, and have been on edge enough that it doesn't take much for an okay day to spiral.... And yesterday went from a surprisingly good/hopeful day to a very bad (crying on the floor) messy day within a matter of a few minutes with the discovery of an administrative error by my employer. So yesterday was a day where I took two of the anti-anxiety meds I have, and a sleeping pill before bed.
And today my brain is just not working. To make matters absolutely worse, I had a phone meeting set up with my bosses today, and when I set up the meeting I was functional and doing well, and today I am NOT. My brain was processing slowly. I had a hard time remembering things I was going to say. I was having a rough time expressing the things I wanted to say, even though I've been thinking about them for the past 2 weeks...... It was awful. I am sure I came off terribly to my employers, I just didn't feel in control.
I guess this is what good days and bad days look like? I don't know, I just feel nuts.... I have been anticipating this meeting for weeks, and I was barely functional when it finally happened.
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queer couple - 32 (me) & 33 (my love) years old - donor sperm,
Our IF/TTC journey since Nov 2012.
Me: dx of DOR in Nov. 2012. Low AMH, AFC - 6, Normal FSH, SS-A (RO) Antibodies (Autoimmune issues), tubes clear, Sono (November 2013) NORMAL! <p>
7 IUI's - December 2012-September 2013. Medicated, Injected, Triggered.... all BFN.
My Love: (the amazing @Healz413)
Normal AMH & FSH, AFC ~27, blocked tube dx'd via HSG in 2012. Hydrosalpinx & ovarian cyst dx'd in May 2013.
dx of Stage IV Endo & bilateral salpinectomy in June 2013.
Partner IVF#1a- December 2013 - H's eggs, my Ute - CANCELLED due to low response
Partner IVF #1b - February 2014 - H's eggs, my Ute - ER February 4 (10 retrieved, 3 fertilized), Transfer Feb 7 of one Grade 1 and one Grade 2 day 3 embryos. 1 - Day 3, Grade 1 frosty saved. BFP - 6dp3dt via FRER, Beta #1 - 110, Beta #2 175, Beta #3 - 348, Beta #4 - 2222!, Beta #5 - 4255. Ultrasound (6w1d) - 2 heartbearts!
We lost our beautiful Twin baby girls on June 18, 2014. Tavin Sara and Casey Elizabeth were born at 21 weeks gestation and were absolutely beautiful, precious, amazing babies. We miss our daughters every day and love them with all our hearts.
queer couple - 32 (me) & 33 (my love) years old - donor sperm,
Our IF/TTC journey since Nov 2012.
Me: dx of DOR in Nov. 2012. Low AMH, AFC - 6, Normal FSH, SS-A (RO) Antibodies (Autoimmune issues), tubes clear, Sono (November 2013) NORMAL! <p>
7 IUI's - December 2012-September 2013. Medicated, Injected, Triggered.... all BFN.
My Love: (the amazing @Healz413)
Normal AMH & FSH, AFC ~27, blocked tube dx'd via HSG in 2012. Hydrosalpinx & ovarian cyst dx'd in May 2013.
dx of Stage IV Endo & bilateral salpinectomy in June 2013.
Partner IVF#1a- December 2013 - H's eggs, my Ute - CANCELLED due to low response
Partner IVF #1b - February 2014 - H's eggs, my Ute - ER February 4 (10 retrieved, 3 fertilized), Transfer Feb 7 of one Grade 1 and one Grade 2 day 3 embryos. 1 - Day 3, Grade 1 frosty saved. BFP - 6dp3dt via FRER, Beta #1 - 110, Beta #2 175, Beta #3 - 348, Beta #4 - 2222!, Beta #5 - 4255. Ultrasound (6w1d) - 2 heartbearts!
We lost our beautiful Twin baby girls on June 18, 2014. Tavin Sara and Casey Elizabeth were born at 21 weeks gestation and were absolutely beautiful, precious, amazing babies. We miss our daughters every day and love them with all our hearts.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Vent: Bad day crazies.
I have started taking very detailed notes in meetings and writing down things I want to say. I also write a to-do list everyday. If I need to add something to my list I do it right away so I don't forget. I was never like this before our loss. I think it's because no matter what's going on at work, my mind is always somewhere else, thinking about our baby. Hugs
Asher born February 5, 2011.
Baby #2 born sleeping at 20 weeks. May 6, 2014.